


Same Eternal Pattern

by Katia6226



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Larry Stylinson Is Real, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-25 04:54:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 62,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30083766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katia6226/pseuds/Katia6226
Summary: When Harry starts working as a performer at a pub in London, he doesn't expect to meet four other guys who change his life forever. Nonetheless, maybe one of his new colleagues changes it more than the rest.When green eyes meet blue eyes, the story begins.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

“that’s what they want:  
a God damned show  
a lit billboard  
in the middle of hell.  
that’s what they want,  
that bunch of  
dull  
inarticulate  
safe  
dreary  
admirers of  
carnivals”.  
“What they want” by Charles Bukowski.  
CHAPTER 1  
I can see the rain pouring as I am standing close my bedroom’s window. In just a matter of minutes I’m supposed to perform, and I know there’s no way I’m avoiding being soaked by the rain on my way there.  
I take my black leather jacket and put it on, I grab my keys and in the exact moment I’m heading off, someone knocks the door.  
-No shit. - I whisper. I am going to be late. I open the door when a familiar big smile greets me.  
-What are you doing here? I’m leaving. - I say.  
-I’m happy to see you too, bro.- My sister’s smile doesn’t fade and she gets to break the shield that I was building with my own arms and passes through. She stares back at me as if she were studying me. – Where are you going?  
\- I’m performing tonight. Now, if you please, can you leave? I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?  
She nods and points at my hand. – And where’s your guitar?  
-Fuck. – I go back to my room and there it is. Standing on its stand, making me feel like a fool. It’s not the first time I forget it. My head is a fucking mess lately.  
-Have you called mum? - Gemma shouts from the hall.  
-No, but I was going to. - I shout back. I return to where she is, and I catch her mocking me. - Shut your face. I really was.  
\- Yes, sure. Anyways, she told me to tell you that this weekend she’s going to prepare a family dinner. You’re in, right?  
-Yes. I’m in.  
-Great! So, my job here is done. - She claps her hands on her thighs and I nod staring at her waiting for her to keep talking.  
-That’s all you had to say? You know you just could’ve called me to tell me this, don’t you?  
\- And you know you wouldn’t pick your damn phone up, Harry. - Well, she was not wrong.  
\- Fuck off. -I say playing her own game.  
-I love you! - She says as she’s going through the door and heading the stairs.  
-I love you too. - I mutter as I’m closing the door with my keys and heads to the lift.  
\- I knew it! - She shouts and the echoing of the stairs room makes her voice louder.  
I smile as I close the door behind me.  
***  
I arrive at the backdoor of the bar soaked. There’s no one to welcome me in. The vibe in here is so mysterious, everything is covered by shadows, just a few bulbs light a few tables and the stage’s lightening are off. I feel my shoes full of water and I can hear the squishy sound they make as I walk. I growl at the sound. I shake my feet in the air in order to get the water out but the floor is so slippery that I end up falling down.  
-Shit. – I mutter to myself.  
\- Hey, you ok? - I raise my head to see who witnessed my incredible stunt. A brunette man with clear eyes is staring at me and trying his best not to laugh at my clumsiness. I cannot tell the exact colour because of the lack of light, but for sure they were clear. He is wearing a simple striped T- shirt with blue jeans. He’s looking at me curious like if he wanted to ask me something, but I must misread his expression because I become aware that I have been staring at him more than what it could be considered normal.  
-Yeah man, I’m alright. – I look away and I stand up.  
\- You need a hand? - He asks me smiling at me. I try my best no to stare at him again. This is so embarrassing.  
\- What?  
-On your trousers? – This time, I can’t help but look at him. What the fuck? He seems aware of how it sounded, and he opens his eyes shocked -I mean on your shirt too. – He looks mortified and I can’t do anything else but smirk, this is getting funny. - Fuck, I mean your clothes, like they are wet- He stutters- There’s dry clothes backstage in case you want to use them. - He looks so awkward I can’t help but be the one who is laughing now.  
-Yes sure, that would be great, thanks. – I step closer to him.  
-No problem, I have just arrived, and I’ve been checking what there is to use.  
\- Are you performing too?  
\- Hmm, I am.  
-Cool. -He starts walking before I say another word and I follow him backstage.  
There are some old wooden chairs filling the little room. Some guy is fixing some wires or connecting them, I don’t really know. The floor is covered by a green carpet that seems it hasn’t been hoovered in a really long time. Piles of speakers are in every corner of the room and a pair of acoustic guitars are standing, looking at me, asking me to play them. I love the rush I feel  
every time I am in a new stage. The nervousness, the excitement, the smell that is impossible to describe.  
I look again at the back of the guy I’m following, and I see that he has opened a door that is at the end of the room. He stops and stands next to the frame of the door and he looks at me. I don’t know why, but his stare makes me stops too. I can see his eyes perfectly now. Blue. His eyes are of a shade of blue I haven’t seen in my entire life. There are genuinely beautiful. He furrows his brows questioning the face I must have right now. Fuck, Harry. Don’t be so obvious. I look away.  
-There.- He says, pointing at a spot of the room.- I step forward and get in. He’s pointing to a little wardrove in a corner. The room is excessively lightened, there are lamps everywhere, there’s this old-fashioned mirror surrounded by light bulbs. They are on. Every fucking light is on. It is even quite hard not to squint my eyes. But at least, these lights have let me see his eyes, so, one point to the shiny room.  
I open the wardrove and there are some sold jumpers and jeans. I grab some of them that I think they’re going to fit me.  
-It’s not very fashioned, but at least they’re dry.- He laughs, I turn around and look at him. A smirk pulls on my face.  
-Yeah, thanks, I owe you one.  
-Bullshit, it’s not even mine. - He waves his hand dismissing it and suddenly an awkward silence fills the room. He’s staring at me more than what I consider normal to be honest, and I really wouldn’t care if it were other eyes that were fixed on me. I really wouldn’t. But they’re just not. And… yep, I’m starting to feel nervous. It’s been a long time since I don’t feel this kind of nervousness. I can’t find another scape to this silence but a cough. A cough, fucking genius. - Well… hmmm… I will be around. - He looks back his shoulder and turns back to me. - I’m going to look for the head here. I think we’re both enough lost to keep pretending to know how this place works, aren’t we? - He smiles at me. I can only stare at his stretched lips. I repeat, I only stare at his lips. His smile fades at the realization that I was not going to smile back. Fuck, what is wrong with me? - So… I’m going to go.  
Shit.  
He’s already heading to the door when my stupid mind decides to spill some words.  
-Hey… What’s your name? - I ask him, afraid of my shitty first impression. And to be honest, afraid of myself.  
He stops walking and turns to me. He extends his hand in my direction and thankfully, I’m able to extend mine too, our hands clasp together. – I’m Louis. Nice to meet you.  
-I’m Harry. - I say back. Shaking our hands till he breaks the contact.  
He smiles at the ground this time, and suddenly, he tilts his head, and he offers me a second attempt smile. Oh, and I’m absolutely taking this second chance. I smile back at him.  
-I’ll see you around, Harry. - And he disappears.  
I look down at the clothes I’m holding. I take all in. Honestly, what the hell just happened?


	2. Chapter 2

The little room starts to light up. Minute by minute, more people are walking through one point to another. Technicians get prepared all the sound system. A brunette is holding a microphone and tests it hitting it smoothly with her hand. She approaches the microphone to her mouth and an annoying sound gets out from the speakers. Everyone is standing, watching their surroundings. We squint and frow our brows at the noise. There may be ten of us waiting for someone to talk to us. We’re the artists that are going to play tonight and only five of us will get to work as formal members of the club, which means stable job, and I’m dying for some economic stability.  
-Ok. – A deep voice shouts from an unknown spot. Some steps are heard, and we know whoever he is, he’s getting closer. A tall man, with black hair appears with a notebook in hand. His beard is the first thing I notice, it’s one of the longest beards I’ve seen in my life. He accommodates his glasses in the exact position that they were seconds ago and passes some pages till he gets to the one he was looking for. Finally, his stare gets to us. -My name is Martin, nice to meet you all. -He didn’t seem like it. - I’m going to start calling you by your names. If there’s someone who I don’t call, please say so when I finish.  
My foot starts to tremble with no reason. It is not like we’re being chosen right now. For god sake, stop the leg. My hand goes down and pushes the leg still. It works, until I see that Louis who was standing two people apart from me turns his head in my direction. Immediately, my leg restarts its tremble oblivious of my hand. I stare at Louis and he smiles. Fuck, I need to control myself. I pinch myself and that gets me to stop again. I hide an inevitable huff and turn my head to the man who is calling us.  
-…Killian Johns, Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson, …  
At the known name, my gaze goes to him again. Tomlinson, that’s his surname. Louis is looking at the manager, his hair is carefully taken care of, except for a strand of hair bulging on his right. His back is thin, but his jacket makes him look good. Damn, honestly, he looks very good.  
-…, Harry Styles, Zayn Malik, ...  
I turn to the manager when he says my name, looking like a naughty boy caught in action up to no good. Well damn, If I had Louis’ body undermine, I would totally be naughty with him but I would make sure that it would be good. Pretty damn good.  
-Jackson Bee and Liam Payne. – The man finishes the calling- Did I call everybody?  
We all nod.  
-Great, ok, so, as you all know, tonight there’s a show, only five of you will be part of the crew here so you must make the cut. The thing is that the decision is not only taken by the crowd. Indeed, it’s me who makes it, so do your best to impress everyone. – Martha- He calls out to the girl that was testing the microphones. She is tuning the guitars now. Martha raises her body as her name is pronounced and she approaches the group. – She is the technical head, anything you’d like to discuss about sound or lights, talk to her.  
We all nod again. She gives us a reassuring smile, and I smile at her. She focuses her eyes on me at the attention, and her smile flickers but she recomposes herself immediately.  
***  
The boys are wandering around, guitars in hands. In my case, my leg has been rewarded with the opportunity of coming alive. It’s shaking pretty badly but I just gave up trying to stop it. I’m just letting it be. I mumble the words of my chosen song as I’m playing my guitar softly. Honestly, the thought of me not being chosen makes me want to throw up. I need the money, if I don’t get the job, I will have to ask my mum for the money and I hate the thought of that.  
-20 minutes! - A man with a red cap shouts, startling us. He waves his hands weirdly and disappear.  
-Shit. -I hear a low voice from behind me and I turn around. A guy with black hair shakes his hands in front of his face while he hops in the same spot. Well, I guess I’m not the only one who is that nervous. He catches me staring at him and tilts his head towards me as a way of salute.  
-Zayn. - He introduces himself raising his right hand to me.  
-Harry. -I take his hand and shake it.  
-Nice to meet you. – Nodding,he bites his bottom lip and his eyes focus on the floor nervous.  
I don’t know why a need to ease his nervousness raises from my insides.  
-Don’t worry, mate, I’m sure you’re going to be great. -I pat his back comfortably and he chuckles.  
-You haven’t even listened to me singing. -He says warmly.  
-You look like you sing brilliant. - I shrug my shoulders as if that were enough reason for my statement.  
-Thanks. -Zayn laughs, shaking his head. - How are you doing? - He asks me changing the subject.  
I shrug my shoulders again.  
-Hmm… I don’t know. I hope It goes well. -I give away a nervous smile, and the expression of Zayn’s face softs.  
He taps my shoulders the same way I did to him minutes ago.  
-You look like you sing brilliant too. - He says with a smile. I thank him with a nod. And with a last tap, he walks away, getting closer to the stage.  
-10 minutes! -The guy with the red cap comes back out of the blue again. -Louis Tomlinson is first. -He yells and my eyes immediately look for him, he’s standing next to the speakers, with his guitar hanging around his neck. He slowly nods and gets closer to the red cap guy. I follow with my eyes every step he takes till he stops still. -Then comes, Killian Johns and then, Harry Styles. -I jump at my name. – The next three will be called later.  
I get closer to the curtain which separates backstage from the stage. Louis and Killian are already there, both waiting. As I approach, Louis raises his eyes to me, and he greets me raising his eyebrows for the excitement of the show. I imitate him and we smile.  
-Good luck. - I say to him.  
-Thanks. -His smile grows. He seems so relaxed in comparison to the others. – You too. -I nod appreciating his words. I really hope he gets this job, even if that subtracts the chances for me.  
Suddenly a loud noise surrounds all the place, and the voices of the other people vanish. The voice starts to introduce the show and when I’m aware of what it’s happening, the voice shouts.  
-Louis Tomlinson! -And as soon as I get a last glimpse at him, he disappears walking through the curtain. I poke out my head just to watch him standing on a stool in the centre of the stage.  
The sound of applause floods the room and then everything stops, and Louis starts fingerpicking the guitar and that just builds a magic vibe, but when his voice adds up to the music, I just get lost in him. His voice is so fucking good.  
The song finishes and Louis vows and starts walking back to backstage. He catches me with my head poked out watching him, and he doesn’t seem to care because all he does is grinning when he gets closer to me, his eyes move looking for my reaction, his expression is questioning what I thought about his performance.  
-You were amazing. -I say undoubtedly.  
-Thanks. - He says ducking his head.  
The next guy is called but I’m just focus on Louis. He doesn’t seem to notice when he approaches to the table where a few new water bottles are standing.  
-You’re next. – He says after taking a little sip of water. And that when it hits me. Shit, I’m next.  
I should stop gawking at a guy I just met and focus on my performance.  
The music around us stops a couple minutes later. It didn’t give me enough time to recover myself. Fuck, fuck, I’m not ready. Yes, you are. Harry. Breathe. Deeply. I obey my own order and I inhale slowly under the watchful eye of Louis.  
-Hey. -Louis steps closer to me and leans an arm against my shoulder. -You’re going to be amazing.  
I try to ease my nerves hopping a little.  
-Yeah, yeah. -I mutter trying to convince myself of his words.  
-Harry Styles! - The voice shouts and my hops stop.I become still in front of Louis.  
-Go! - Louis cheers me turning my back around and he pushes me towards the stage. I can’t do anything else than nodding to myself. -Don’t overthink, Harry.  
He’s right. I’m going to get this job. I have to.  
My legs get me to the centre of the stage. Guitar hanging over my shoulder, I trace the stool and I sit on it. The loaded environment of the room hits me, it’s obvious that the local is full of people but the spotlight directed straight to my face blinds me. I can’t see any face which makes me think I’m partly alone at the small stage.  
I agreed with the technicians that I didn’t need any music background, all I needed was my guitar to accompany my voice, but right now, I’m regretting my choice. Every damn mistake I make is going to be impossible to camouflage it. You already knew that. I nod to my own thought. I look  
straight to the wall in front of him oblivious of the people under me, and the last words of Louis come back to my mind. Don’t overthink.  
I take a deep breathe, and my hands come alive and I play the first chord.  
***  
All of us are again backstage, each of us have already performed. Everyone is in his own business, and even though I’m nervous as hell, I don’t really like the vibe going on in here. I haven’t talked to anyone since I’ve performed, not even Louis. The moment I came back from the stage, Louis was just grinning at me and nodding his head approvingly, which it felt good and reassuring, but now that more than an hour has passed, the nerves are attacking my guts again.  
The voice hosting the show is heard around all the room and he sounds so excited while he tells all his jokes. Nonetheless, for us is very different, five of us are already out, and here we are waiting for our death’ sentence.  
Finally, the man hosting pronounces the long-awaited words.  
-And now, we’re going to choose our favourite artists. All of you have already chosen- Every one of the assistants had a little remote with buttons and the results were sent to a computer, and the software did its job, however, as the manager told us, he can alter the results as he likes. -So…- the man continues and looking for the person who’s supposed to have the envelope with the results inside. Finally, he spots a young man, and he lays the envelope to his hands. -Okay, okay… here they are. -His voice fakes excitement.  
In my case, my voice is nowhere to be found, all I can do is shake my leg and watch every expression the host makes.  
The man opens the envelope, and the first name is pronounced.  
-Niall Horan! – The audience cheers and applauds. I turn around to look for the guy behind that name, and a light brown guy with a rounded face is walking straight to the stage. He grins to the audience and salute them. It doesn’t take long to the host whisper something to his ear and Niall heads to the other side of the stage disappearing from the sight of the audience, but not from us. He turns around and looks at us, and he cheers us raising a fist to the end celebrating his victory. His smile is contagious, but it vanishes as soon as the host talks again.  
-The next artist chosen to be part of the crew is…- he creates an intriguing pause, and then. - Zayn Malik! -I know this name. And the black-haired guy steps in front of me and walks towards the stage. As he passes beside me, I softly smack his shoulders. He turns to look me.  
-I told you sang brilliantly. -He chuckles and he looks at me grateful.  
He makes his way to the centre of the stage and as Niall did, he greets the audience and joins Niall to the other side. I see them introducing themselves with excited expressions on their faces. I feel happy for him, but considering my odds, they are decreasing considerably. Three more.  
The next name doesn’t take long to come out.  
-Louis Tomlinson! - The Cheers of the audience fills the room, and my eyes find him next to me. He looks at me grinning. I nod at him applauding and his eyes light up the space where we are. He tries to reassure me showing me both of his thumbs forming the “good” sign and he heads towards the stage.  
My negative thoughts rule my mind right now. I’m not going to get it. There are seven of us left. There is no way I’m among the chosen two.  
Now is Louis, Zayn and Niall who are in the other side, but I realize all of us keep looking at the host anxiously.  
-Alright…alright. - The host speaks. - There are only two left. The next artist who makes the cut is…- He pauses again. For fuck’s sake, say it already. I take a deep breath and… -Liam Payne! - He calls out, and I let go my breath.  
A tall and well-shaped guy goes to the stage and vows to the cheers of the audience. His back is quite wide and it’s all I can see when he joins the rest of the lads. I’m not going to get it. My eyes go to Louis again looking for something that keeps me sane. Louis, who was greeting Liam, as if he has heard me or realize that I was staring at him, looks at me. He’s not smiling anymore, which doesn’t ease my nerves. That’s it. I’m out. But then he raises his hands above his head and then he drops them slowly imitating deep breaths. His eyes are focus on me, and he urges me to follow his order to breathe deeply. And I do. I inhale deep, filling my lungs and then I exhale all the air contained.  
The host speaks again. This is it.  
-We are coming to an end. There’s only one artist left. All I can say is that all of them have been amazing, but sadly there are only five lucky ones. But please, I would like you to give a big round of applause to all of them.  
The audience turns excited and they follow the host’s command. When the applause starts to fade, the host doesn’t wait for it to turn silenced.  
-And the last artist is…- He pauses. Another damn pause. I’m starting to hate this guy. -Harry Styles!


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3  
I step out of the taxi and the cold air slaps in my face. I look around and the familiar street greets me. The sky is grey, and the chances of raining are quite high, but I needed to come home. I readjust the brown scarf I’m wearing, and I head to my house’ door, well, now I should call it my mom’s house, but who am I trying to lie to? This will always be my home.  
I get to the entrance, and I knock. No one answers, but then, I hear some steps approaching at the other side of the door and then, a metallic clinking. The door swings open and there is my mom.  
-Harry! Love! -She leans towards me and hugs me tightly; I hug her back in the same way. God, I missed her.  
-Hi, mom. -I say hiding my face against her neck and sniffling deeply at her hair absorbing her scent.  
Then she stretches her arms holding still my shoulder and looks at me straight to my face as if she just remembered something.  
-And? - She asks anxious.  
I let out a mischievous smirk that gives away the answer to her question.  
-You got it… -She mumbles to herself studying my face, and my smile grows. - You got it! - She shouts.  
-Yes. -I answer sniggering.  
-I knew you would! -At that moment, the cold wind hits our bodies making us aware that we were still standing at the door. -Oh my god! Get in, you must be freezing.  
She closes the door behind us, and the warm room welcomes me and all the worries that I had pressing my chest disappear.  
-Gemma! - She shouts startling me, and I turn to look at her.  
-Is she here?  
She nods. -In the kitchen. - She says pointing to it. -Gemma! - She yells again as we’re getting closer. And I’m home…  
-What? - Gemma asks, and her voice sounds muffled.  
I make my way to the kitchen, and there it is my older sister, with her head inside the oven.  
-What the hell are you doing? - I ask her as I get next to her.  
At the sound of my voice, she gets her head out and grins at me.  
-Hey! - She says still on her knees, but then she stands up and shakes her hands on her thighs trying to clean them. - I’m making cookies.  
-With your head as garnish? - I laugh.  
-Shut it! There’s something wrong with this oven. -She finally gets closer to me and hugs me briefly. I smile supporting my head on top of hers.  
-Tell her. -My mom is at the frame door of the kitchen watching us with a silly smile. I must be wearing the same one.  
-Tell me, what? - Gemma stares at me waiting.  
-I got it. – I say raising my brows at her.  
-What? - She asks confused.  
-The job, smartass. - I tell her as if it was obvious.  
-You did?! -She yells excited. I nod at her and she jumps at me and I catch her just on time.  
-Don’t jump at me like that! - I shout but I’m laughing at her reaction.  
-Congrats, little bro!  
-Thanks, big sis.  
***  
The cookies are not bad after all. They are edible. My mum and Gemma are sitting next to me on the couch. We have made some tea to drink it with the cookies and a random film is playing on the TV. We are not paying too much attention to it since my mom doesn’t stop asking me question about the job.  
-Are the other people nice? -She asks me after taking a long sip of her tea.  
-I guess they are. I don’t really know them yet. -At that moment, I recall the briefs interactions I had with some of the guys and inevitably, Louis crosses my mind, and I can’t help smirking.  
-What? - She asks aware of my expression.  
-What? - I ask her pretending I don’t know what she means. I give away myself so easily.  
-You are grinning because of something. -She pauses and a mischievous smile appears on her face. -Or someone.  
-No, I’m not. -I say defensively. -I still have to get to know them but they sing amazingly; they crashed their performance. -I try to change the subject of the conversation and I realize that Gemma and my mum have widen their eyes to each other as if they sensed there was some secret floating in the air.  
-Really? - Gemma asks playing along.  
I nod and I catch them staring at each other again with funny looks.  
-What? - I pat my thigh exasperatedly and I altern my eyes to look at both of them. -What is so funny?  
-Nothing, nothing- They say at the same time and they take their mugs to try to hide their smiles against them. I roll my eyes and take another bite of my cookie.  
-So…- I sigh obviating them. -Tomorrow I have my first rehearsal, I don’t know how we will do. I’m a little nervous about it, what if we don’t get along?  
-Does it seem like you won’t? -Gemma asks me recomposing herself and turning serious again.  
-No. -I say shaking my head. -They seem cool.  
-I bet one is cooler than the others. -Gemma burst laughing against her mug and my mum follows her.  
-Fuck off. -I tell her but I can’t help laughing a little too.  
***  
I go around the backdoor of the local and I open it. As I expected, the room that greets me is in the dark. I turn on my phone’s flash and I see at the end of the room some stairs going down.  
The stairs count with emergency lights that lightly lighten up the walls, nonetheless I keep my phone’s flash on all the time till I get to the floor where there is a group of people hanging around.  
-An artist? - A red haired question me and I stop on my feet and I nod at her. -Over there. -She says pressing her lips together and pointing with her thumb a door at her right.  
-OK, thanks- I say to her but she’s already walking away from me. - Ok…  
I open the door that she pointed and I’m surprised by the weight of it. I push it with my whole body and the soundproof that welcomes me makes me gasp when the door closes behind me.  
The room is equipped with a drum set, a large keyboard and a series of acoustic and electric guitars perfectly standing in their floor stand. The walls are painted in a dark grey that surprisingly doesn’t make the space look smaller. And the floor counts with a maroon carpet that creates a homey and warm vibe. I like it.  
Three of the boys are already here. The one that I recognize with the name of Niall is playing an acoustic guitar and the other one whose name I don’t really remember is vibing to his rhythm. But they just seem to disappear when the third guy, who I could only see his back before, turns. Warm blue eyes caught all my attention. Louis beams and his eyes wrinkle at the moment he sees me. My chest fills with joy at his reaction for seeing me, I didn’t know my presence would cause someone to smile like that.  
-Harry! One more, guys! -Louis shouts to the others and Niall and the other boy stop and turn to look at me.  
-Hi! -Niall says. We didn’t have much time to introduce ourselves properly the night we were chosen so it seems appropriate to do so again.  
-Hi, I’m Harry. -I shake his hand.  
-Niall, nice to meet you, mate. You were amazing at your performance.  
-Oh, thanks. - I feel my face blushing at his praise.  
-I’m Liam. -The other says and we shake hands as well as he makes space for me on the couch where they were sitting. I sit and Louis that was standing up covers all my field of view.  
-You were amazing too guys. -I praise back. They were indeed astounding at their singing. -I was so nervous. -I chuckle at the end looking down but when I turn to look up again, I see Louis looking at me with a smirk on his face.  
At that moment, the door opens, breaking the bubble sound and Zayn makes his entrance. He’s actually gorgeous, his sharp jaw and the dark hair make him look outstanding.  
-Cheers! -He greets us and comes closer to us.  
We all say different variations of “Hello” and he reaches out to shake our hands.  
-Alright! -Louis shouts excitedly. -Now, that there’s all of us , shall we begin?  
-Yeah!- Niall jumps out of the couch and I stare at him surprised by his response.  
We all get closer to the centre of the room and we remain awkwardly in silence.  
-Mmm… Ok…-It’s Louis who dares to speak first. -I think we should get to know each other a little bit better and find out if we work out together. If we don’t…- He says reconsidering his own words. -It’s only one group song what we have to perform. -He finishes laughing but it doesn’t to seem to amuse the other guys. -But we are totally going to work it out. -he reassures extending his hands in a calming way.  
I can’t help but laugh at that.  
Louis turn to me and he seems like he appreciates that I have somehow eased the tough atmosphere.  
-I can play the guitar. - Niall declares as if we didn’t know already.  
-We got that. -Louis says to him pointing the guitar that Niall was still holding hanged on his neck. -But nice try, that’s the spirit. I can play the guitar too, and I get that Harry plays too, according to your performance, right?  
I nod at his statement.  
-Any other instruments? - Louis asks turning to point the drums and the keyboard.  
-I can play the piano a little- Niall says.  
-Great! Liam, Zayn?  
-I can play the guitar- Liam shrugs.  
Zayn shakes his head at Louis’ question.  
-I’m all voice.  
Niall claps his hands, taking us all by surprised and shouts.  
-Let’s sing then!  
-Any suggestions? - I ask enjoying his excitement.  
-What about “I’m yours”? - Niall offers.  
I nod lifting a shoulder and we all come to an agreement.  
Niall tunes his guitar for the song and when he starts playing, we all get focused on the melody. At first, the timing is quite a mess but by the time we get to the second verse of the song, some of the guys change their gambit and focus on the harmonizing while some others keep being the main vocals.  
We do sound good. I can’t avoid smiling at our sound, even if that get me out of tune, but when I look around to see the guys, I realize that all of us are beaming.  
The next hour we spend it deciding each other’s individual songs. They have suggested me to sing a version of “Girl crush” by Little Big Town, which I very much approve. We haven’t stopped singing and messing around. Niall is so much fun, I don’t even understand his ability to laugh to something that it’s not even that amusing, but his damn laugh is so contagious that I end up laughing with him each time. By the time, we all have rehearsed our songs, we agree that we need a break.  
-I’m going to get a Coke. Anybody would like something? - Niall asks and we all shake our heads, and he leaves.  
I, on the other hand, need to go to the bathroom.  
-I gotta take a wee.- I start walking to the door.  
-Me too, mate. Wait up. -Louis says.  
So, we leave the room and get in the bathroom. Being here with him makes me feel a little anxious. Luckily, the bathroom is quite large. I head to one cubicle and close the door behind me. I hear another door screeching next to mine. None of us talk and this gets more and more uncomfortable, at least for me. When I get out, I find him washing his hands in front of the mirror. I follow his eyes that are watching me through the mirror’s reflection. I come closer to him not breaking eye contact. I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I’m great at games, Lou. The tension built between us, makes him give in.  
-Can I ask you a question? - Louis asks taking me by surprise.  
-Sure.  
He seems to think about it. He frows and spills it out.  
-Why did you recommend “How to save a life” to Liam?  
I squint. I wasn’t expecting that question. I just thought that that song by “The Fray” would be cool for him.  
-I don’t know. -I shrug. - I guess I thought it would fit him.  
He nods looking like he accepts that response.  
-It’s just that it’s one of my favourite songs. It surprised me.- He explains.  
-Is it?  
-Yeah, it kind of reminds me of my childhood, I guess. – he says- I don’t know, my friends, my sisters…  
-Sisters? in plural? How many siblings do you have?  
Louis smiles at my question. -We are a lot. There are even twins.  
-That’s cool! I have one bigger sister.  
-Are you the little one? - He asks laughing.  
-Yeah. -I say smiling. - And we have a cat too.  
-I have a dog! - He says it so excitedly that makes me laugh.  
-What’s his name?  
-Clifford. He’s my big naughty baby. -He jokes. -He gets everything he wants. I think I spoiled him.  
I laugh. -I’m sure he’s amazing.  
-He is.  
The bathroom’s door opens, and an old well-shaped man comes in. That breaks the moment.  
-I think we should go back.  
-Yeah, you’re right. -Louis agrees.  
When we arrive to our rehearsal’s room, we immediately sense that something happened. Louis turns to look at me to check if we are thinking the same. Niall gives it away with just one stare. And by that look, I come to the conclusion that it’s better not to ask. Zayn and Liam are both standing in different corners of the room, focused on their phones. But I get that they are faking interest because Liam’s leg doesn’t stop shaking. Niall stands from the couch where he was drinking his coke and throws the empty can to the bin.  
-Shall we continue? We should practice our group song now. -Niall says looking at Louis and me, expecting us to play along.  
-Yeah. -I rapidly say.  
-Sure. -Louis claps his hands and rubs his hands together.  
We gather around like we did before, but something is missing now.  
We start singing and I don’t know how it’s possible to sound worse than the first attempt. Louis is biting his lower lip.  
-OK, I think we should try again. -He says trying to ease the tension.  
-I think we should leave it for today. -Zayn replies.  
-That sounded like shit, we can’t leave now. -Liam confronted him.  
-We have already worked on our individual songs; I think it’s done for today.  
Niall, Louis, and I look at them arguing like if it was a tennis match. And I really don’t understand what’s going on between the two of them.  
-Alright, alright. - Louis raises his arms reaching a dead lock. -Let’s call it quits. We sing it one more time, and we’re done, ok?  
So, that is what happens, and the moment the songs arrives to its final, Liam grabs his coat and leaves the room. Zayn growls and does the same. He puts on his beanie and his jacket and leaves.  
The three of us left are standing in the same spot.  
-What the hell just happened? - Louis asks directing the question to Niall.  
-I have no fucking idea, mate. They were already killing each other with their eyes when I came from the vending machine.  
That was odd as fuck.


	4. Chapter 4

I adjust my earphones properly for them not to fall. These ones are my third one. I don’t know how they design these motherfuckers to break that easily. It’s been a long time since I don’t go out jogging, so after leaving my lazy self aside, I decided to start a new habit. Let’s see how long it lasts.  
The park three blocks away from my apartment is usually pretty crowded, but today, weather doesn’t seem to accompany people’s will to go for a walk. I pass people walking with their dogs, people running and children playing around on the grass.  
This moment was my no-thoughts allowed. The playlist chosen plays loudly against my ears and I’m just focused on rhythm my steps to the music. It’s actually freezing but a thin layer of sweat prevents me from quivering. I look up to see a very overcast sky, I mean it was about time. It has been weird for too many days to experience a clear sky in London.  
I keep running till I get to a little café where a familiar body catches my attention. If I’m not wrong that’s Niall. He’s with a blonde girl. She’s pretty. I slow my steps to get a better sight at Niall. It’s definitely him, and he has such a goofy smile on his face that I can’t help but giggle and stare at them. The girl then leaves turning around, her face out of sight now. I get closer to Niall and he doesn’t seem to be aware of my presence till I’m inches away from him.  
.Hi. - I greet him. -What are you doing here?  
-Hey. - He says happily.  
-Who was she? - I ask him bluntly tilting my eyebrows and squirming my mouth in a mischievous way.  
-Who?  
-Oh, come on! Don’t play the fool with me.  
He chuckles and finally he gives in.  
-She’s Olivia. We had a few dates. She’s nice.  
-I bet she is.  
-Oh! Drop it.  
-Where are you heading? - I give him a break.  
-Home. It seems like it’s going to rain in any minute now. -Niall looks up.  
The sky is actually getting darker and darker.  
-Do you want to join me? -I couldn’t care less about a little bit of rain, this is London, if we didn’t challenge the weather, we would never go out of our houses.  
-Running? No fucking way, mate. Besides, I’m wearing jeans.  
-Fair enough. Beer, then? -Fuck jogging.  
Niall seems to think about it. He shrugs and nods.  
-I’m in.  
We get inside of the café. The place is cosy, and it’s not too much crowded. The scent of coffee and butter fills the whole place. We order two beers as we sit on one of the furthest tables.  
-So Olivia… -I start again the conversation.  
-Again? -Niall seems annoyed but his shy smirk gives him away.  
-Oh, come on! This is interesting!  
-Is it? -He asks as if he didn’t believe the insistence of talking about her.  
-How did you meet?- I ask playfully, obviously excited.  
Niall studies my face and huffs.  
-At a pub. -He gives in.  
-Cool. And?  
-And what? What do you want me to tell you? – He laughs.  
I shrug. -I don’t know. Whatever you want to tell me.  
-She…Liv… is pretty amazing. -Niall ends up saying and I can’t help smiling. -She gets excited about all these silly things. I don’t know… I like her.  
-Oh my god! You are so cute.  
Niall laughs at my reaction.  
-What about you? - He asks.  
-What about me? - The question surprises me.  
-How did you and Louis meet?  
That caught me off guard. What?  
-Hey! Don’t play dumb with me. You two seem to live in a different universe when you are together. I saw how you two looked at each other at the rehearsal.  
-What? No. -I don’t know why, my voice doesn’t sound that convincing.  
-It’s ok if you don’t want to tell me, tho.  
-No, it’s not that. It’s just that there’s nothing to tell.  
-Well, if you say so. -He shrugs.  
-Really, nothing happened.  
-You like him, tho, right?  
Ok, this is getting intense. My heart has started to pump so fast that I don’t know where to hide. I take a gulp of my beer to gain time. I need a scape; I need to think. Think, Harry. Think.  
-What about Liam and Zayn? -I need desperately to change the subject, but I read Niall’s face and I know he’s aware my intentions. Thankfully, he plays along.  
-I don’t know. It was bizarre as fuck.  
-Right? Fucking bizarre. - I mumble under my breath. I can’t stop thinking about Niall’s question, was I that obvious? If Niall has realized that I like Louis, everyone has realized. Shit.  
-I hope they get to solve whatever problem they have.  
-Yeah, me too.  
A thunder cracks and we get to see how in a matter of seconds it starts raining..  
-We should leave before it gets uglier. -Niall advises  
We get out and after saying goodbyes, we part ways. The cold air hits my face, and it feels refreshing, calming after that ambush. But ten minutes later, when the rain penetrates the clothes, I’m starting to feel the cold in my bones. By the time, I get to my apartment, I’m soaking wet and my face hurts from all the chattering teeth.


	5. Chapter 5

My throat hurts so much that I can’t even talk. Sweat covers my front and I know it can’t mean nothing good. I check my temperature touching my forehead and fuck, I’m burning up. Laid on my bed, I snuggle in my blankets. I need pills, but the mere thought of me standing up, makes me dizzy. I growl and hide my face against my pillow. It’s wet and sweaty. I move to the other side of the bed and the fresh spots of it welcomes my heated skin. At one point, I fall asleep and when I wake up with a little gasp I feel like a hammer is hitting my head nonstop. My phone is ringing. I look around my room and try to focus my blurred vision to know the whereabouts of my phone. Where is it? I see it on the edge of my nightstand. I reach for it and I read who’s calling. Louis. No fucking way. I coff a little to ease my sore throat but the only thing I get is for it to sting even more. I whine a little before I accept the call.  
-Harry, mate, where are you? We are planning the show for tomorrow. Liam is fucking whining about the fact that his solo is not long enough to impress everyone. - Louis laughs and I can hear some people talking and laughing behind him. Then the phone cracks and it’s the voice of Liam who I hear next.  
-No shit, Harry, don’t listen to him. He can’t get over the fact that I could steal his spotlight.  
-You wish. – Louis says before he gets back his phone. – Hey, so, when are you coming?  
My mind tries to figure out what time it is. It must be late 5 pm. I try to sit supporting myself on my arms and I let my head fall against the wall. I close my eyes and sigh. The phone is against my ear.  
-Harry? - Louis asks again. His voice sounds concerned, and that makes me realize that I haven’t spoken yet.  
-I’m here. -I get to say. My voice sounds awful.  
-Hey, are you ok? – I hear the mumbles disappear and I know Louis is leaving the room where the boys are. His voice sounds worried.  
-No. – I say honestly. I want to say more words, but I just can’t.  
-What’s wrong?  
-Throat.  
-Throat?  
-And head. Dying.  
-What? Can you explain better? You’re scaring me a little.  
I frown and let my body fall against the bed. I’m tired.  
-Harry? -Louis asks again. My only respond is a soft growl on the phone to let him know that I’m still listening to him. -Listen, are you home, right? - I nod, but then I remember he can’t see me, and I growl again as an affirmation. -Ok… hmmm. – He’s thinking, I can see him frowning and touching his chin trying to organize his thoughts. I smile at the image in my mind. Maybe I fond a little too. Maybe not a little… Knowing that he’s at the other end of this call, makes me feel warmer and not just because of the temperature that I clearly have. I feel even a little better just by hearing his voice. - Harry. - He speaks again after a silence. - Is it ok if I go to your house?  
What? I open my eyes and wonder if I’ve just imagined the last question.  
-What? - I get to pronounce.  
-Can I go to your house? - Louis sounds awkward, and I just don’t understand anything.  
The thought of him in my house, makes me feel good but I get self-conscious of how I must look right now.  
-Yes. -I answer before I even realize that I’ve spilled out the word.  
-Ok. I’m coming. – Louis sounds relieve, and I expect him to hang up the phone now, but he doesn’t. I hear his breathing and his steps and then a door, and suddenly the honks of cars. I look at the phone, confused about the sounds.  
-Louis? – I call him.  
-Yeah? – He answers quickly, and nope, I’m not imagining the sounds, he’s still on.  
I don’t know what to say. His breathing gets louder and faster and his steps hit heavily under the pavement.  
Is he running?  
-Running? - I ask him.  
-What? - he sounds breathless. He is fucking running. He takes a deep breath, which makes it more obvious.  
A few minutes pass and the only thing that we hear is the breathing of each other. Then, the doorbell sounds all around my house.  
-Open the door, please. – He says. He’s here. He is fucking here. I find difficult to move but I try to stand up and look around. The bed is a mess, and there are nose rags everywhere. Disgusting. I grab as many as I can and head to the door. In my way there, I throw them at the bin. The doorbell sounds again. And I hear Louis’ voice through the phone again. – Harry.  
I end up opening the door. And there he is. His amazing blue eyes check on me from the bottom to the top to finally land on my face.  
-Hi. – He says and I hear him in both ways, directed to my ears from the phone and from his own persona.  
-Hi. – I answer back still holding my phone. It’s then when Louis lowers his phone and hangs up the phone.  
The sound of his breathing disappears, but it doesn’t matter because I can see his eyes now. God, I love his eyes. Shit, Have I said it out loud? He’s still standing in the frame door with the same expression. So, I guess not. Shit, this fever is a nightmare.  
I make a sign for him to enter and he doesn’t doubt and steps in my house. I’m tired, I head back to my room with the intentions of lying on my bed for the rest of my life if that’s what it’s going to take for me to make me feel better.  
-How are you feeling? -He asks following me to my room.  
I shake my head to make him know that not good, and before I get to my room, I huff and let myself fall on the bed faced down.  
I don’t look at him, but I feel his gaze.  
-You look horrible. – He says.  
I chuckle ironically. And I raise my hand to him, and I form my hand into a good sign. Thanks, Louis.  
Louis sighs and gets closer to me. I tense my muscle just by his closeness, and his body stiffs just as if he noticed my tension. But then he ends up sitting next to me and lands his hand on my back. I feel his touch in every part of my body. I feel his warmth radiating from his hand.  
-Would you like some soup? - He offers.  
I shrug and turn to see him. He stares at me waiting for an answer.  
-Ok, soup it is then. -He ends up saying and claps my thigh covered in the blanket and stands up. Before he passes the frame door, I call him.  
-Louis.  
-What?  
-Pills, please. – I need them urgently; I haven’t taken any.  
-Sure. Don’t worry, I’ll bring everything.  
***  
Minutes later, Louis comes back with a bowl of soup and a box of paracetamol in his other hand. He sits next to me and extends the food to me, I take it and when I’m about to have the first taste, the heat of it punches my throat like a motherfucker.  
-Fuck. -I grunt. Louis looks at me concerned. And I try to ease his feeling with a smile. -It’s just hot. - I explain.  
-Is it ok, though?  
My chest warms by his question, it’s been a long time since I have been taken care of. I think the last time was when I was sixteen and I got one of those flus that make you feel like shit for days. My mom took care of me making me milk with toasted sugar. Fuck, I miss her. I should call her when I recover from this.  
I nod at the question, and I proceed to eat the soup. When it’s finished, Louis gives me one of the pills of the tablet and toss me the water bottle standing on the nightstand. Louis hasn’t said a word since he prepared me the soup. He seems uncomfortable, and even though I really like to have him here, I don’t want to be a burden to him. I swallow the pills without taking my eyes off him. He’s studying my room, his eyes fixed on the two guitars hanging in my wall, and the acoustic standing in its floor stand.  
-Louis. – I pronounce his name slowly.  
His stare returns to me, his eyes opened waiting for me to talk.  
-I just… I want to thank you. You didn’t have to. -I really don’t know how to act.  
-I wanted to. -He says back not even thinking his response and shrugs. He looks doubtful, he’s thinking what to say next and he looks away from me. He lets a little smirk slip away. – You scared the shit out of me.  
-Sorry. -I say back, I’m lost for words. Why would he worry that much?  
Louis returns to his awkwardness and I remember the fact that maybe he doesn’t know how to leave now that the job is done. He keeps siting on the edge of my bed next to me. He’s massaging his own hands trying to ese his nervousness, meanwhile, I just can stare at them wondering how it would feel to be touched by those hands.  
-Louis… -I don’t want him to go. And I hate myself for what I’m about to do. – If you want to, you can leave. -I fake a chuckle to soft my words.  
Louis stops his inspection of the room and looks at me surprised. He stands form the bed as soon as I said the words. He looks like I’ve just punched him in the guts. Fuck don’t look at me that way, Louis.  
-You want me to? – He asks, his voice steady, but his eyes are shaking, I don’t even know how I’m able to tell just by his eyes, but they are the only thing that is giving away the fact that he’s hurt.  
-No. – I answer before I’m aware of it. Maybe that simple word gives away my feelings for him, but I couldn’t care less when his eyes relaxes, and he shyly tilts one corner of his lips up. – It’s just that you look uncomfortable, and I don’t want you to be. Not around me. -Fuck it. Can you any more obvious Harry?  
Louis is gawking at me and he shakes his head. -I’m not uncomfortable. It’s just that… I’m in your house, with you in this state and… you were alone. -What? - And If I hadn’t called you, I wouldn’t have known that you needed to be taken care of. And I don’t know… I was with the boys waiting for you and you sounded so… so… done through the phone. And you didn’t say anything, and I got scared.  
My chest tights at his words. What am I supposed to say to that?  
-Shit, I’m so sorry Lou.  
-It’s ok. -He smiles. -You are fine and I’m here now.  
Ok, I’m in a serious problem right now. I can’t fall for this guy and he’s making it so damn difficult for me. I don’t think no one has made me feel the warmth that I feel when I’m with him.  
I smile at him and he turns back to sit on my bed, but on an instinct, I scoot over to make more space for him. He looks at me, reading my intentions. I don’t even know them myself, Lou. Drawing upon the moment and embolden by his words, I lift the blankets to let him know that he can lay next to me. He watches me and gets inside the blankets. His weight spreads on the bed and the warmth of his body radiates next to me, making me want to snuggle next to him. We lay there, looking at each other eyes. I hope he doesn’t hear my heart beating like crazy in the silenced room. I focus on his neck and it makes me fantasize about hiding myself in the hollow of it and be able to soak up into his scent.  
-Hi.- Louis says smiling at me, half of his face hidden against my pillow. I’m so envious of that motherfucker. It gets to be that close to him and I can’t.  
My feet travel under the covers oblivious of everything and making the path they want to follow, the path towards Louis. My whole body stiffs the moment my feet touch his.  
-Oops. -I say looking mortified and backing up my feet to their side of the bed.  
Louis laughs and I’m lost at the sound of it.  
-Your feet are frozen, mate. -He keeps laughing, I don’t get why, cause it’s not that funny, but a smile builds up on my face just by hearing his laugh. But my smiles falters a little when his feet are now the one that touch mine. His laugh has stopped but there’s still a little curve on his lips. He studies my face, and I can only look at his blue eyes. He pushes his feet against mine, and he wraps my legs between his. Despite the fever, I feel his heat so comforting it hurts. I relax my body and my eyes close with a last glance at his sea blue eyes.  
***  
There’s something bothering me. Squinting my eyes, I end up waking up. I’m cold which it’s unlikely since I’m under my covers and I’m snuggled beside Louis’ body. His head is leaning against mine, but his neck and chest is all I see, If I weren’t shaking, I would’ve appreciated it so much more. I unwrapped our legs and sit on the bed. My head is hammering, and I realize I’m cold because I’m covered on sweat. I’m literally shaking, and I feel like shit. I lay my head against the pillow and close my eyes. My eyelids are heavy.  
I hear the blankets moving next to me and a hand touches my face.  
-Hey, are you ok? -Louis’ voice sounds husky.  
I shake my head.  
Louis stands and comes to my side of the bed. He ducks to get to my level. His hand travels again to my face and to end up against my forehead.  
-God, you’re burning up, Harry. -I lay there, eyes closed, trying to focus on his contact to keep my head away from the pain. But suddenly, his hand disappears, and I growl in response. -I’m coming back right away. -He says. He leaves the room and a couple of minutes passes when he comes back, and he pushes carefully a wet cold pad against my skin. It feels so good. -Hey. - He calls, and I open my eyes and I see his face, his hair is dishevelled. His lips are pressed, and his eyes are focused on me. And I just don’t care anymore about myself. I want to taste those lips so badly. I just stare at his lips, and I think Louis realizes because he starts biting his lower lip. Shit. That only makes me want to give it a taste them even more. -Here. -He says showing me another pill. – It’s another type of analgesic. It hasn’t passed eight hours since the last one. -I take it nodding. He passes my water bottle and I just take a little sip and I give it back to him. But he doesn’t take it. - He shakes his head. -More. – I obey and I take this time a bigger gulp of water. The coldness wakes the pain in my throat, but at the same time it feels good.  
-Thanks. - I reply.  
He stays ducked and we are looking at each other. I am not aware of my actions really, but I can’t help but stare at him too, maybe I’m even gawking a little. Fuck it, I’m sick, I have carte blanche to do whatever my body wants to do. Louis clears his throat, maybe to break the tension he’s feeling between us two, but he doesn’t break the eye contact. -Hmmm… Harry…- He starts. -Don’t take this the wrong way but I think you should get a shower.  
I chuckle. -Do I stink that bad? - Louis looks at me funny.  
-A little. -He laughs.  
-Fuck off. - I laugh too, hiding my face bending the other end of the pillow against my face. My laugh breaks when the smell of Louis fills my nostrils. It’s the side of the pillow where he was laying and God, he smells so good. I take a deep breath snubbing the fact that Louis himself is next to me.  
-No, but seriously, you are all covered on sweat, I think a shower would help you.  
I free my tucked head and look at him again. God, he’s so handsome. Shit, stop, Harry. Fucking fever.  
-Yeah. -I agree. I start to get up and Louis helps me. We are heading to the bathroom when the idea hits me. Is he going to help me getting undressed? But the moment we get to it, he stops next to the frame door. I look at him and I follow his stare, he finds the floor quite interesting since he just doesn’t look at me anymore. I guess that answers my question.  
-I’m going to grab some new clothes from your wardrove, is it ok?  
I can’t stop looking at him, all this situation is surreal. I nod. He looks at me to see my response and he nods back. I stare at him, and I want to touch him, and I want him to touch me. Our gaze locks and I feel victorious for just getting him to look at me like that. He points back to my room as if letting me know that he’s going over there, but his gaze is so focused on me. I nod again and he imitates me, I don’t think he’s aware of it. I need to take this to another level. With the boldness of the fever, I take off my t-shirt and throw it to the floor. I don’t break my eye contact with him, and I can completely see how his eyes travel from my face to my torso. I let him see me. He’s studying my tattoos. His expression changes immediately and this one is an unknown  
one for me, but oh my, I like it, I like how his lips twitch and his eyes analyse my whole body. I feel it on my skin. I fucking love it. Louis gets self-conscious and his stare goes back to the floor again. Shit.  
-I’m going for…- he focuses to remember what he had to grab-… for… -Damn, he forgot. He looks at me asking for help.  
-Clothes. -I remind him.  
-Right, yes. -He looks mortified before he turns back and heads to my bedroom.  
***  
I throw the wet towel to the floor not thinking it twice. I must’ve been around 10 minutes in the shower. It felt good, I feel lighter. I open the door to let the steam scape, and I hear a sweet melody coming from my bedroom. Instinctively, I put on the jumper and the tracksuit bottoms Louis brought me and I head to my room. I’ve never heard that melody before. When I get closer, the music gets louder and I stop myself from entering and making him stop. I stay besides the frame door, out of his field of view. Louis is playing my acoustic guitar. He looks so concentrated. He curls his lips, and his eyes are focused on the neck of the guitar. The long hair at his top has fallen down his forehead. His body is wrapped around the guitar, his black jumper is tight at his back and I just can look at him and admire him. I stay there till he stops playing. When he finishes, he tilts his head and look through the door as if he just realizes that I am here.  
-Hey. Better?  
I smile at him and I start walking towards him. I sit next to him keeping the the guitar between us.  
-So much better. -I say nodding. -Is that yours? - I ask about the melody he was playing.  
He raises his brow at the question and looks back at the guitar and a peak of his lip tilts.  
-Yeah. -He answers, his smile grows, looking embarrassed. - I’m still working on it.- He justifies himself.  
-It’s good. -I reassure him.  
He looks at me smiling, and his eyes squint slightly and grabs the guitar better, reaffirming the body of it and getting it comfortable above his lap. His hand starts moving against the strings and a whole new melody starts playing. I recognize this one. I’m thinking about the name of it when he knocks me out with his words.  
-I like your eyes. – He says looking at me. I think I’m just gawking at him. - They’re green. -He explained to me as if I didn’t know already. He realizes what he just says, and he starts laughing clearly feeling awkward. He likes my eyes. He likes my eyes. Has he even seen his own eyes? The voice in my head is shouting with excitement.  
He has taken away his eyes from me, pretending that his whole attention is on the guitar, but I clearly see his tensed muscles on his neck, and his laugh has vanished.  
-I like your eyes too. -I say to him. I mean, I do more than like his eyes, I fucking adore his eyes. His smile grows and finally he gives me back his attention. -They are blue. -I point out.  
Louis laughs at the observation.  
-Yes, they are.  
We’re staring at each other till the tension that is building in my chest is unbearable. I need a distraction.  
-I got this guitar from my mum. - I tell him pointing at it with my head. –She caught my eyes from the first moment I saw her in the store.  
-She? - Louis asks laughing.  
-Of course. She’s definitely a “she”. -I glance at him smirking. -I went to the shopping centre every time I could, just to get in that store and make sure she was still there, and nobody bought her. I didn’t have enough money to buy it, so I just checked on her every week, never able to play it. I mean, - I tell him, - not that I could play very well back then, but she was yelling at me silently, asking me to. So, I started saving up money, and never was enough. - I clap at the guitar as a reprimand for being so hard to get. -My mom was the one who took me to the store every time and she knew about my savings, and… one afternoon, out of the blue, I arrived from high school, and there she was, laying on my bed, wrapped in its box. -I make a pause reminiscing the moment. - I don’t know why I just didn’t run to her and started playing it. -I pause and louis looks at me confused.  
-What did you do then?- He asks.  
I chuckle. -I run to my mum instead.  
Louis’ eyes soften at the ending of my story and a shiver runs through me. Louis sees it and not even questioning, he puts back the guitar on its stand carefully and gets to the bed, but instead of sitting where he was seconds ago, he rounds the bed, and he gets between the bedsheets. He lays there with his eyes fixed on me, never leaving them.  
-Come. -He says tapping the covers. -You are cold, and we don’t want you to get sicker, do we Harry Styles? -He’s being cheeky and that makes me laugh. I stand from the end of the bed where we were sitting and get in the bed. Louis is lifting the covers for me to get in and I lay facing him before he tucks the blankets around me. I feel warm immediately.  
We are facing each other, our feet close, but not touching. Silence fills the room, and it’s just our slow breathing the only thing we hear. I ease my body and I let myself study every detail of Louis’ face. Oddly, I don’t feel embarrassed to do so, it even feels right. Louis is doing the same, and when his lips twitch, my heart skips a bit.  
I raise my brow questioning what’s in his mind right now, but Louis shakes his head dismissingly but then he says.  
-It’s just that I’m happy to be here with you.


	6. Chapter 6

For the next rehearsal, I’m feeling so much better. Louis has been taking care of me for two days and we haven’t stopped watching episodes of “Friends” and playing the guitar in between. Unquestionably, he has made my ill days fun.  
We are all five sitting on the carpet and deciding whether we should play more than one song collectively. At first, I thought it was a good idea, but after twenty minutes with no actual agreement, I’m starting to think it would be better if I just sang with Louis. I mean, a duet is pretty cool too, isn’t it?  
I’m sitting next to Louis and his knee is brushing my leg. I don’t know where our friendship exactly is standing but my fingers are tingling to touch him. He looks at me and raises his eyebrows as if he couldn’t believe the difficulty to choose a damn song. I was also getting tired of it. Liam and Zayn were the reason for our delay. They couldn’t stop arguing about everything.  
I get closer to Louis and I feel he gets aware of my closeness, nonetheless he doesn’t move away. That makes me feel bold and my arms once resting on my legs, move closer to Louis’. I don’t look at him, but I feel he lowers his head and watches attentively, and on the sly he moves his to get it in touch with mine. I can’t believe how just the mere touch of his on my naked arm can make me feel this rush of feelings. We keep our arms together, not moving, not brushing. I have stopped listening to the conversation and the only ones who are actively participating in it are Liam, Niall, and Zayn.  
I’m feeling so victorious for the fact that my little daring has gone unnoticed, that I move slightly my arm getting a little brush. That triggers Louis and he stiffs, I stop immediately but then, it’s him who moves his arm against mine. A little smirk escapes from my mouth. But then it falls, when I get a glimpse at Niall and I see he’s looking at me with a cheeky smile. Shit. I refuse to spoil the contact between Lou and I, so boosting my courage, I look at him defiantly and his smiles widens considerably. I’m screwed.  
I have been so disconnected from the conversation that I only get back to it when Zayn raises his voice.  
-You have no fucking idea of what you are saying. That is bullshit. -I don’t even know what he’s referring to, but everyone has fallen silent.  
That seems to trigger Liam who stands up abruptly and confronts Zayn. Zayn aware of the threat, he stands up too and now both of them are looking at each other with murderous eyes. We stand up to stop any violent act but it’s Niall who gets between the two of them.  
-Guys, What the fuck? Can you calm the fuck down?  
-This little shit has no right to talk to me like that. - Liam retakes the argument. That causes Zayn to push Niall aside and get closer to Liam.  
-Who are you calling little shit?  
This is heating up. Louis gets closer to Zayn and grabs his shoulder trying to calm him down. I, instead, get next to Liam and Niall is again in the middle of them two.  
The door suddenly opens, and the manager gets in. He wasn’t expecting seeing us like that and the rage in his eyes crack open.  
-What the fuck is going on in here?  
Both Liam and Zayn get self-aware of the situation and they separate from each other. The tension in the room is palpable.  
-I’m only going to say it once. - Martin says, massaging his forehead. -I don’t pay you to behave like bloody five years old playing in the play garden. I don’t give a shit about how friendly you are with each other but deal and cope with it. I don’t want problems; did I make that clear?  
We nod.  
-Alright then. Now, show me what you already got prepared.  
***  
So, we do. And by the last song we play, Martin looks more relaxed. He likes what we have.  
When we are left alone, the tension built just by Martin’s presence and his watch seems to ease a little. We silently agree that we deserve a break, and everybody disperses.  
Zayn and I are the only ones remaining in the room. I’ve always hated conflicts and this tension is unbearable. I approach to Zayn who is now typing on his phone. When he sees me getting closer, he put his phone aside and nods his head as a salute.  
-Hey.  
-Hey. -He greets me and taps the carpets for me to sit next to him.  
-How are you doing? – I don’t really know how to start the conversation.  
-Good. You?  
-Good. Umm…Listen… Sorry for asking that, and I know it’s none of my business, but this thing between you and Liam must stop. I don’t know what happened, if you two already knew each other or something, but it’s just not good for the group. You know?  
-I understand. -Zayn bends his legs.  
I study his face, and I see that he’s conflicted, his frowning and his mouth is twitched.  
-If you need anything, someone to talk to or anything really, you can call me if you want. - Zayn’s eyes relax at my words and as I’m standing up, he grabs my arm to make me sit again.  
-Do you want to hang out tonight?  
The question pops up out of the blue. I wasn’t expecting him to be the first one of the boys who would ask me to go out. Zayn apart from all the “Liam matter”, was very quiet. At first, I thought it was all about shyness, but not really, I think is more about introversion and maybe he really needed someone to talk to.  
-Sure, what’s the plan?  
-I was thinking about beers and videogames… sounds good?  
-Hell yeah. - I laugh. -Are you thinking about inviting the rest of the boys?  
He lifts a shoulder. -I would like to keep it low-key at first. I’m not very good at making friends.  
-Sure. Send me your address and I’ll go. We can order some pizzas. - I offer.  
-With a lot of cheese. -He adds.  
-Of course. – I say as if it was obvious and that makes him laugh. -What videogames do you have? I’m not an expert in the matter but I like to know who I’m dealing with…- I tease him.  
-Mate, you are speaking to a professional.  
-Alright, alright… We’ll see that tonight. -I tease.


	7. Chapter 7

The night with Zayn was so much fun. I’ve discovered that Zayn is a whole different person when it’s only the two of us, Zayn couldn’t stop talking and joking about everything. We played videogames, which he definitely crashed me at. We stuff ourselves on pizza and beers. And we got to know each other more. He told me about his sisters and hobbies, and I told him about mine. At some point of the night, I realized we were so comfortable that we were behaving like we knew each other for years. After having dinner, I dared him to show me his drawings and after minutes of insisting, he finally acceded. And holly shit, he was talented as fuck. I couldn’t even draw a stickman properly.  
I left his house around two a.m. even though, he offered me to spend the night in his house, but I already had plans for the next morning. So here I am, shopping with Gemma and following her everywhere she goes. I don’t know why I agreed to this.  
Every piece of clothes she takes, she shows it to me to give her my opinion, and to be honest, women clothes were amazing. They were so much colourful and alive. Gemma tries a flowery scarf on, it looks good. I would totally wear that. I nod approving her look. She looks at the mirror and her nose twitches not liking what she sees. She leaves the scarf where it was hanging but keep with my attention on it. Gemma keeps walking but stops when she realizes that I’m not following her.  
-Harry. – She calls.  
-Hold on. – I take the scarf and I try it on. I turn around for her to see me.  
She approaches nodding.  
-It looks better on you.  
-Does it? -I look at myself in the mirror and I like what I see.  
-Yeah. You should buy it.  
-I think I will. – Clothes are clothes, anyway.  
We go from a store to another and we only stop to buy two hot coffees, and I insist that I need more sugar than that, and she treats me with a croissant, which that makes me endure for more time of shopping.  
She keeps looking for clothes, and I keep following her till my phone rings, mixing its noise with all the chattering of the people in the shop.  
Louis. I see his name popping up in my phone’s screen and my steps stop. Standing still, I start becoming aware of myself. I feel my tongue thick in my mouth and a weird twitch starts up on my cheek. This change on me goes unnoticed by Gemma who is busy trying on a fluffy red coat. I turn around for her not to see my face when I accept his call.  
-Hello? - I greet.  
-Hi, Harry! - His voice sounds cheerful and the way he pronounces my name makes my stomach jolt. -All good?  
-Yeah. - I answer quickly. -Why? Something happened?  
-No, no. I just wanted to know if you were alright, that’s all. - He says calming me.  
I know that I’m smiling like a fool right now. Thank god, Gemma couldn’t see me.  
-I’m fine. I’m shopping with my sister.  
-Are you? I hate shopping. Did you get anything for yourself?  
-I did, indeed. A pretty cool scarf.  
-Cool. – His voice sounds smooth and I can visualize him smiling. – Listen, I was calling you because I’ve been speaking with Niall, and he came up with the idea that maybe we should go on a trip the five of us to smooth things over between Liam and Zayn. Or maybe they end up killing each other, who knows? -A chuckle sounds on the other side of the line. - But I thought it was worthy the attempt. Would you be up to the trip?  
I would have to get my rucksack ready, but I think Niall was right, we needed to solve this situation and a trip together would finish the problem. Although Louis could be right too, too much time together could be fatal. Anyways, too much time for Liam and Zayn together meant too much time for me and Louis, and I liked that idea.  
-Totally. What did you have in mind? Camping could be fun.  
-Yes, something like that.  
-I’m down. – A touch on my shoulder makes me turn around and Gemma is articulating his lips exaggeratedly trying to ask me how she looked. Now she’s wearing a different coat from the last one I saw her trying on earlier. I nod and I give her thumbs up. She studies my face, and she frowns. Again, she moves his lips and I kind of get what she’s trying to say, “who are you talking to?”.  
I roll my eyes trying to refocus on my conversation with Louis and I wave a hand in front of her trying to dismiss what she’s saying, but she doesn’t buy it.  
-I can get some tents, if you could also get one it would be helpful or…- Louis pauses. -I can share my tent with you. -I don’t have time to hide my reaction and my eyes wide at his words. I wasn’t expecting that proposal. Gemma, at my reaction, gets closer to me and I take a step back trying to keep some distance between the two of us for her not to listen to our conversation. Shit. What do I say now?  
-I think I have one tent in my mom’s house, but thanks for the offer. -Shit. Shit. Shit. The mere thought of me and Louis sharing a tent, laying on the ground in such a small place, together and so close, wakes up my inners. I take a deep breath. An another.  
-Perfect then. I’m going to call now Liam and Zayn. Let’s see if they agree. They are the lab rats in this experiment after all. -That make us laugh both. -I’ll create a group chat and we’ll decide all the details over there.  
-Sounds good.  
-Ok. -Nothing is heard in the other line for some seconds and I turn the phone to see if he had already hung up. -Harry? – There he is again.  
-Yeah?  
-I’m looking forward to seeing you wearing your new scarf. -And just like that I’m blushing. And Gemma notices. A great grin appears on her face. No, no, no. Hide it away, Harry.  
I chuckle to try to recover from his words.  
-Ok, bye. -Ok, bye? Really? But what else could I say? “I’m looking forward to seeing just you”, or even better, “I’m looking forward to seeing you wearing no clothes at all?”.  
-Bye. -Before Louis hangs up the phone, I’m already regretting how I ended the conversation.  
I don’t have time to dig a hole and hide in it because as I put my phone back in my pocket, Gemma jumps at me and shouts.  
-WHO WAS THAT? -I look at her as if she just lost his mind.  
-Nobody. -I play dumb.  
-Rubbish, you got all red. Oh my god, I haven’t seen you like this in ages!  
-I didn’t get red. -I mean, I totally did, in fact I’d bet I’m still redden.  
-You utterly did. Are you going to tell me who were you talking to?  
-It was just a friend.  
-A special friend?  
I wish.  
-No, just a friend. -That seems to disappoint her. No more than me, sister.  
-Are you going to buy something, or we can leave? -I need to change the subject.  
-Yeah, I’m going to take this coat. - She spins for me to see the coat she was wearing. It suits her.  
-Alright, then go, and buy it.  
-OK, but just one more question. -She looks at me pouting her lips and I give in to her insistence.  
-What’s his name? -She smiles mischievously.  
I roll my eyes at her and I look at the ceiling exasperated.  
-Go and buy the bloody coat!


	8. Chapter 8

Here we are. Where exactly? No idea. In the middle of nowhere and everywhere. There was a little forest in one side and the beach in the other. Don’t ask me how it’s that even possible but it is actually where we are. The chirping of the birds are heard all around the place and the wind whistled through the leaves and branches of the trees around us. The five hours road trip has been worth it because this place is absolutely amazing. It was Niall’s idea coming here. I didn’t even know this place existed, but we had to find a place to go and Niall thought about this place, so here we are.  
The five of us in one car has been an interesting experience, to be honest. Louis was driving and to ease the tension between Liam and Zayn, Zayn took the passenger seat. We knew this trip was due to these two, but we didn’t want to force anything. So, I took the middle backseat, and I had Niall on my left and Liam on my right. It would’ve been nice if: one, I wouldn’t have gotten the middle seat, which I hate. And two, Niall would’ve shut his mouth for one minute straight.  
Among the silence radiating from Liam and the loud laughs from Niall, I could witness he nonstop chattering between Louis and Zayn. They have gotten along very quickly since the very first rehearsal, and I was happy about it. Not at all jealous. Not at all.  
Music accompanied us all the trip, and to be honest, we sounded sick together. When a known song was on the radio, we all sang it together harmonizing each other. We messed around too, and it was fun when Niall started to play an invisible guitar. His excitement was contagious, and I started playing my invisible drums. To be honest, I got a little coy when I felt a pair of eyes on me, and I realized that Louis was looking at me through the rear-view. We were all pretty loose by the third hour of the road trip and I realized at every song we sang together that we blend in perfectly. We were one.  
***  
The spot we chose to pitch the tents was in the forest, nearly five minutes from the beach. I’m wearing my furry jacket, a scarf, and a beanie, and even though all the layers of cloth, I’m still freezing my ass off. I’ve had to remove my gloves to pitch the tents, so we’ve gotten one already up, and the triumph was thanks to Niall and Liam. Needless to say, that the tents that were addressed to the rest of us were a really different matter.  
-That one is on top. - Louis shouted to Zayn pointing to the stick he was holding.  
-No, it’s not. This one is obviously the one that makes the base of the tent.  
-Bullshit. Don’t you see its shape?  
-What?- Zayn keeps talking but I refuse to get in the argument. Rolling my eyes, I turn to the other guys checking how they are doing. They already had the structure of its second one made.  
-Hey.- I greet nodding my head to them.  
-Hi.- They both say simultaneously. -We can see you three are doing a great job over there. -Liam says jokingly.  
-Yeah,- I huff.- They are the dream.  
-Once we’re done, we will help you.- Niall offers nudging my arm.  
-Yes, please. -I say chuckling and coming back to Louis and Zayn who they remain as I left them. Arguing.  
***  
The darkness surrounded us except for the big fire we did an hour ago to keep ourselves warm. I was shivering before that and thanks god, we finished pitching the tents before the sun set.  
-You should try this. -Niall gives a toasted marshmallow with chocolate wrapped in biscuits to Louis.  
Louis takes it grinning and takes it in a big bite.  
-Hmm…- He moans, and automatically my insides twitch. Shit. Don’t do that. -Harry, you have to try this. -He gives me his other half, and I cannot obviate that his mouth has been right on that same spot.  
I take a bite and it is actually delicious, it’s that so, that I can’t help moaning too. I catch Louis staring at my mouth and his grin slips off.  
Liam and Zayn have not shared a word more than it is strictly necessary. The awkwardness floats between them two, but I feel some strange tension that I’m not able to describe.  
We keep eating marshmallows, and Louis and Niall share some funny stories about their teenager moments that are worth the mention. Among stories and anecdotes, we stay around the fire for an hour until Louis stands up.  
-I want to see the sea. -We all look at him as if he had lost his mind. -Anyone wants to come with me?  
All the boys shake their heads.  
-It’s freezing, mate. -Zayn explains rubbing his hands next to the fire.  
-Fine. -Louis says turning and following the path to the beach.  
I stare at his back as he’s blending with the shadows. Second by second his image gets darker and darker.  
-Wait! -I shout at him, standing up and shaking my pants. -I’m coming with you.  
He waits for me in the same spot till I get closer to him. We walk side by side. My hands hidden in the pockets of my jacket; I raise my shoulder to get my neck tugged inside of it too to keep my uncovered skin away from the coldness. Louis gets a glimpse at me and he surrounds my shoulder to pull me closer to his body. I try my best not to give away my reaction but I stiff hopelessly.  
-You are freezing your ass off. - He says pointing the obvious.  
-Tell me about it. -I chuckle my response as he rubs his hand along my back, making me more self-aware of the situation but calming my trembling just with his mere touch.  
We keep walking till the pebble beach comes to our sight. The sound of waves is hypnotizing but the wind here is unbearable, and it hits my face like a slap. Unconsciously, I turn to Louis’ body and I hide my face against his chest. He feels so good, and warm. So damn warm. And oh my god, he smells so good. It’s just him with hints of perfume. The arm that was at first rounding my  
shoulder is now all around my back pressing my body against his chest as if he was trying to protect me from the cold breeze.  
-You ok? - He rubs his mouth against my ear making me feel goosebumps along all my body.  
I just shake my head which makes Louis laughs. He’s still keeping me in his embrace, and I get to feel his chest vibration when he speaks.  
-You are not going to like what I’m going to say next. - He’s still murmuring the words next to my ear and I refuse to move if we don’t leave this place. Besides, this was the perfect excuse to be like I really wanted to be with louis.  
-What? - My voice sounds muffled against him, but he hears me.  
-I’m getting in the water.  
Wait, what?  
I poke out my head and I look at him very seriously. -Are you serious right now?  
He nods.  
I wide my eyes. – No, you’re not. If you haven’t realized I’m all wrapped up against you because it’s bloody freezing. You’re crazy if you get in.  
Louis shrugs his shoulders. – I thought you were all wrapped up against me because you liked me. You’re welcome to join me, anyways.  
I choose not to say anything to the first part. I chuckle at his “not funny at all” joke. -You’re absolutely mad if you think I’m getting in the water. Louis, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m one minute away from being Anna from “Frozen” when she turns ice.  
-Did you just make a “Frozen” reference? -Louis burst laughing.  
-Yes, I did. And it’s pretty graphic so It’s not very difficult to imagine it.  
-Well, I’m serious. People say cold water is good for your health so let’s give it a go. You can wait here if you want. -He keeps laughing and he separates our bodies making me miss his contact.  
-Good for your health you say… -I mumble to myself. -Not for mine. That’s for sure.  
I face the beach and a cold blow hits my face again. -Fuc…- The swear gets interrupted when Louis removes his jacket and jumper, and he gets shirtless in front of me. I forget about the cold in that moment, but when his hands reach the hem of his trousers and pulls them down, my body starts feeling everything but cold.  
-Shit. -Louis grumbles. And if an almost naked Louis was shocking enough, a completely naked Louis was lethal. A gasp leaves my mouth when Louis takes off his pants and runs towards the water.  
The moments he steps in, he lets a high pitch scream, and I burst laughing still stunned by everything just happened in a mere minute. I saw him naked. Naked. The slender light that let us see a few feet away is reflecting at Louis’ body and his skin looks so damn soft and perfect. But the surprise comes when I get a glimpse at his tattoos. I didn’t know that about him until now. I couldn’t get a proper look at them, but the black ink gave him such a perfect contrast with his white skin.  
-Fuck! -Louis shouts from the water and I bend in myself holding my stomach from all the laughter. -Harry! - He calls me, and I raise my head and my eyes focus on his distant shadowy figure jumping the waves. -It’s so warmy, Harry!  
-Who are you trying to lie to? - I yell back at him.  
I stare at his body and even though I can’t see him clearly, knowing that he’s standing there all naked, makes me rethink all my decisions.  
I turn to look at his clothes laying on the pebble ground and I bite my thumbs’ nail hesitant.  
-Fuck it.- I mutter. And I remove my beanie and my scarf and those are followed by my jacket, jumper and all the t-shirts underneath it. Not coming back, I pull down my pants and trousers at the same time and I run as if Jack the Ripper were running after me.  
The moment my feet touch the water I jump back.  
-Come on Harry! -He encourages me. Now that I was getting into the water, Louis was all excited about it and even though, he was a few feet away from me, his presence, and the fact that he could see me naked made me edgy.  
-How could you…? - I don’t finish the question, my teeth are clattering so much that I’m unable to form more words.  
-Come on! - He insists and he takes a step closer, his face getting better formed which meant that he could see perfectly all my nakedness. That makes me self-conscious and I raise an arm to stop him, I take another step forward. Don’t think Harry. Don’t think. Cold doesn’t exist. It’s just your brain. But the instant, the water gets to my chest, my breathing stops. -Shit, fuck, fucking fuck.  
Louis gets beside me.  
-We’re going to die, Lou. – I tell him trembling.  
-We are not going to die. – He says laughing. His wet hair frames his face making him look so appealing. I couldn’t describe him exactly; he looks between adorable and sexy. Hard to explain but worthy to stare at.  
-Well, then, I am going to die.  
-I wouldn’t let that happen.  
He starts swimming leaving me behind, so I hurry to follow him. We keep moving till our muscles heat up a little.  
When our heads get to the surface, I look at him, and the moonlight lets me see his glowing eyes directed at me. Our bodies get together, and our legs touch as we move them to try to keep floating.  
-If I get sick again, it’s on you. – I joke.  
-I wouldn’t mind taking care of you again. -He said and like that my smile just grows.  
If he keeps saying shit like that, I’m going to lose my mind.  
-Shut up. -I tease splashing some water at him which he replies with the same attack. Fuck, we are behaving like five years old and I love it.  
Bolt, I sink his head under water but when he gets to the surface again, he’s face is deadly serious.  
-That was way too far. -My smile falls at his response, but before I can regret it, he jumps at me and drowns my head.  
-Dickhead! – I yell. He is shrieking with laughter.  
-You must’ve seen your face. -He mocks.  
-Shut it. -I say defensively, but he keeps mocking me, so I jump to grab his head and sink it again, nonetheless, he grabs my hands in time, and we start to tussle. Our faces are inches away when suddenly we stop the pushing, our breathing agitated. My hands are weirdly positioned above his head and his hands are holding my neck. The steam coming out of our mouth mix in the space between us. Our gaze meets and before I know it, his face gets even closer and I come to his encounter. We kiss. Slowly at first, savouring each other, melting in each other arms, my hands descend to his neck and I tug him closer to me. Deepening our kiss, my mouth opens for him. His tongue meets the tip of mine and that gets us mad. The rhythm of the kiss accelerates, and his hands get to my hair and pull a little making me moan against his lips. The sound of it makes us separate.  
We are leaning against each other’s foreheads, trying to recover from the kiss. I’m heated inside but I can’t stop my teeth from clattering.  
-We should get out and heat you up. -Louis whispers, his blue eyes meet mine one more time and he brushes his wet thumb against my cheek. After the shared kiss, his words could have a completely different connotation.  
-I think you already did that. -I say back.  
Louis smirks and grabs my hand pushing us out of the water.  
The moment our bodies are out of it, the cold slaps us. Quickly drying our bodies with the multiple used t-shirts, we cover ourselves with the rest of clothes left and we run to our camping zone.  
***  
One hour earlier  
They were running out of marshmallow, and all they had left to entertain themselves was a guitar. The thing is that Niall has been playing for forty minutes, from the moment Harry and Louis left, and even though they hated the fact that they were thinking the same, Liam and Zayn kept looking at each other to make obvious that they were quite fed up with hearing the same four chords.  
Five minutes later, Niall stops and after breaking the monotonous melody, the silence takes over the place.  
-Well, guys. I’m knackered, I’m going to sleep.  
-Ok. -Liam says waving a hand to him. Niall returns the greeting and setting his guitar inside his tent first, he goes in and closes the zipper.  
-Oh my god. -Zayn whispers. - I think I can still hear the guitar playing.  
Liam chuckles and gets himself more comfortable next to the fire. -He’s learning new chords. -Liam says in defence of Niall.  
-Right. -Zayn nods as if that was very a good reason to hammer their heads.  
They get silent and inevitably, the fact that they are now alone, make them feel awkward. They just stare at the fire until Zayn gets up.  
-I think I’m going to bed too. -He says.  
Liam turns to look at him, and he feels something weird in his chest. He doesn’t know if it is disappointment, but he does nothing about it. He just nods and lets Zayn leave.  
-Why don’t you like me? -Liam says the words before he realizes he has said them, but for sure the moment he opens his mouth, he is already regretting it.  
He doesn’t look at Zayn. He doesn’t turn to see his reaction; however, Zayn stops immediately and clenches his hands in fists.  
-That’s not the problem. - None of them are brave enough to face each other.  
-What is, then? -Liam waits for an answer but it doesn’t arrive. On the contrary, he hears Zayn steps getting closer towards him again till he feels Zayn sitting next to him.  
The silence takes over again, but it gets broken when Liam spots a spider next to him making him jump to the other side stepping on Zayn.  
-Shit! A spider! -Liam points at it waiting for Zayn to do something.  
-So? I’m not going to kill it. This is a forest. What did you expect? We are the intruders here. -Zayn says looking at Liam and the spider alternatively.  
-Budge up, then, change my seat. -Liam says as if that solves everything.  
-Liam, there is plenty of space for you to seat.  
-I know, but I want to annoy you a little. -Liam shrugs.  
At that, Zayn laughs, and he moves making space for him. Liam looks at him, surprised at himself for making him laugh and he finds himself liking the sound of it. They are sitting closer now, but none of them seem to notice or care.  
-This reminds me of an episode of Rick and Morty. -Zayn says out of the blue.  
-How is that even possible? - Liam asks looking directly at him frowning. Zayn keeps looking at the fire, but when he decides what to say next, he turnes to Liam with a grin on his face.  
-A monster can show up at any moment.  
Liam puffs but he returns the smile at Zayn.  
-You’re such a nerd! -Liam says.  
-Hey! And a proud one. - Zayn smacks Liam’s shoulder at his insult. - And you have no word in this.  
-Why is that so? - Liam asks enjoying the conversation.  
-The first time I saw you, you were wearing a Batman T-shirt, so that means you like Batman, therefore, you’re a nerd too.  
-Really? - Liam is unable to even remember what he was wearing yesterday, but he had a Batman t-shirt indeed.  
-Yes, mate.  
-Ok, so are you telling me that you don’t like Batman?  
Zayn acts as if he had just assaulted him.  
-Dude, I love Batman, I think we already made clear that I was a nerd.  
Liam laughs and they let the conversation die slightly. The silences comes back but this time it turns out to be a comfortable one. They are just focused on the red and yellow flames of the fire.  
-Well…-Zayn says promptly, startling Liam. - I’m going to bed. For real now. -He chuckle and he takes a glance at Liam. He sees Liam nodding still gawking at the fire. Zayn stands up but before he takes one more step, he opens his mouth to talk.  
-Do you know what’s the problem? - He asks and Liam turns his head surprised at the question. - The problem is that I really do. -Zayn whispers.  
Once said that, Zayn gets a last glimpse at Liam and he gets in his tent.


	9. Chapter 9

We see the lighting of the fire which is guiding us directly to the camp zone. I was fucking freezing and my wet hair was creating me a headache, but at this moment, walking wrapped by Louis’ body, I think it worth it. The ironic part of all this is that his small body compared to mine, was covering me and not the other way around. I was leaning against him with my hand holding his. We looked like two bears in a forest trying to come out of hibernation. We didn’t separate till we got to the fire.  
-Stay here and try to get dry. -I don’t doubt in following his order. The moment my body feels the heat, I’m feeling so much better. I follow Louis with my eyes, and I see him entering in his tent and seconds later, he goes out holding a pile of clothes. He smiles at me.  
-Hurry up. Put this on. -He lends me a black hoodie. It smells like him. He puts on another one.  
Out of nowhere, Louis shows me a white towel.  
-May I?- he asks.  
I don’t know what he means. My confused eyes encourage him to keep talking.  
-Dry your hair? -He explains.  
This was not happening. Him touching my hair. That was a huge “yes” for me.  
I nod acting coy. I don’t understand why I become so timid when I’m around him.  
Mellowly he starts drying my hair from my back. I feel his fingertips brushing my temples and that calms my headache immediately. I lean my head backwards enjoying his touch, until his hands disappear from my head and instead, they round up my face. I open my eyes at the new contact, and I see Louis smiling at me. I can’t do anything else but smile at him back. He leans down towards me till our lips brush. His chin press against my forehead and I just melt on the kiss.  
-You taste so good. -Louis whispers against my lips. I kiss him again.  
Louis sits next to me and we stare at the fire in front of us. Comfortable silence surrounds us. I’m the first one to break it.  
-The dip was worthy.  
-Hmm…? -Louis seems so relaxed watching the fire, I can’t help studying and admiring every detail of his face. The orange light of the fire reflected in his face makes him look idyllic. -Yes, it was. Are you still cold? -He looks at me concerned.  
-No, I’m good. But I think I would be better if you were cuddling me.  
Louis chuckles at my response and I look at him cheerfully. He finally moves closer to me and surrounds me with his arms. I let my head fall against his shoulder and we stay like that. Feeling the warmth of each other’s body, listening to our breathings and the creaking of the fire. I feel so cosy that my eyes start closing.  
-I told my sister about you. -Louis says making me open them again.  
-You did?  
-Yeah. I think she already likes you.  
I smirk and I turn my eyes to look at him.  
-What did you tell her about me?  
Louis lowers his eyes and smirks at me. -That a beautiful green-eyed boy caught my attention the first time I saw him.  
That leaves me tongue-tied. I snuggle closer to him. My heart is pumping faster and faster.  
-Do you remember the last time you called me? -I ask him and Louis nods, brushing his head against the top of my hair. -I was with my sister and she interrogated me after talking to you.  
-Really?- His laughs is so contagious that I tilt a corner of my lips. -Did she get any information?  
-Nope.- I shake my head and Louis presses a kiss against my scalp. I turn my face to him, and I kiss him back. His lips part as soon as I touch him. Our tongues meet and the kiss becomes more passionate and harder, my hands searches his face and I cover his cheeks to pull him closer to me. His hands reach my hair, and they pull making me moan. His mouth travels to my neck and he slowly starts to caress my skin depositing wet kisses on it. I close my eyes and I stifle a sigh. His mouth comes back to my mouth and I welcome it hungrily. My hands travel to the hem of his hoodie and I rest them against his belly, my thumbs stroking his skin. I get a moan from Louis  
and his hands are the next ones who make his way through all the layers of clothes I’m wearing. His hands are cold against my skin, but a wave of warmth and pleasure travels through my body. We keep kissing and Louis arches his back getting our chest to collapse. The new contact makes me want to suck and bite his lower lip, which I do leaving me overwhelmed by every little noises Louis is making.  
A metallic sound startles us, and we immediately stop. We look around trying to find where the noise came from, but we see nothing.  
-I think we should go to bed. -Our breathings are heavy, and I try to recover myself. I take my phone to check the hour and I see that it is past two in the morning.  
-Is that an offer, Harold? – I bite my lips stifling a smile.  
-It would be an interesting one, wouldn’t it?- I tease him.  
-Indeed. - He smiles playing along.  
It was quite tentative, but what would we do in the morning when the boys see us getting out of the same tent?  
-The boys…- I start.  
-I get it. -He kisses me briefly on my cheek and stands up. -Come on. - He stretches his hand for me to hold it and he pulls me to help me stand up.  
We get closer to my tent but considering that all five tents were next to each other and surrounding the fire, it doesn’t take us long. We’re still holding hands when Louis kisses me good night. He lets go my hand and goes to his tent. Finally, he gets in, not without taking a last glimpse at me.  
***  
-Where are my cookies!?- Niall yell wakes me up. -I’m serious, who ate my cookies? Liam, was it you?  
The light getting through the fabric of the tent ends up waking me up. I get out of the quilt and all the memories of the previous night hit me like a tornado. Suddenly, I see how my tent zipper opens by itself and Niall’s head pops in.  
-Morning Harry! Did you eat my cookies?  
Did he just…?  
-No, Niall. I did not eat your cookies.  
-So, who was, then?  
His head disappears before I answer, and the zipper closes back.  
I quickly grab a new sweater with stags’ drawings on it, I put on some jeans and I get out of the tent. There are only Liam and Niall out.  
-Good morning.  
-Morning.- Liam greets me back. He’s drinking something from a mug and I decide I need a coffee urgently.  
-Is that coffee?- I point out to his mug. He nods and points to a kettle standing on an improvised table made with a piece of a tree trunk. -Great!  
-Zayn?- Liam and I turn to see how Niall is getting inside of Zayn’s tent like he did minutes earlier in mine. -Zayn?- He whispers and it seems like it’s not working because this time Niall calls him louder. -Zayn!  
-For god’s sake, Niall. What? What? - Zayn’s voice sounds like an explosive mix between anger and sleepiness.  
-Sorry to wake you up. -Niall sounds supressed, scared even. I look at Liam widening my eyes. Liam’s trying not to laugh. -But…- He continues. -Have you seen my cookies?  
-Are you… Get off! -He shouts.  
Niall recoils and goes back to where we are.  
-I’m taking that as a no. -Niall mumbles.  
Liam and I can’t take it any further and we burst laughing.  
-We’ll get you some cookies on the way home. Don’t worry. Would you fancy some coffee instead? -I offer.  
-Thanks. - He accepts. As I’m pouring some coffee for Niall, Louis gets out of his tent. His clothes and hair are messy. He walks toward us, and he rubs his eyes with his fists as if he was a baby. I can’t do anything other than fond at his image. He catches my gaze and smiles at me. And that ends up killing me at all.  
-That’s enough Harry. -Niall’s voice wakes me up from the trance I was in. I look down at the mug, and I see I filled it completely. I pass it to Niall carelessly.  
-Good morning. -Louis says. His greeting goes to everybody, but his eyes are fixed on mine leaving my legs shaking.  
-Good morning. -I greet him back without breaking eye contact. Behind me, I hear Niall complaining about the amount of coffee I poured, and he whispers to Liam “Would you like some of my coffee”. I don’t bother to look at him. Louis gets closer and takes a new mug.  
-Would you mind?  
I shake my head and pour some coffee in his mug. Louis takes a step closer, leaving our bodies so dangerously together that I just want to finish the distance between us and plant a kiss on his lips.  
-Thank you. -Louis whispers. I didn’t think a “thank you” could turn me on like that, but it did.  
Louis sits in one of the chairs and I sit next to him.  
-Guys, I’ve been thinking about spending the day in the beach. What do you reckon? – Niall suggests.  
Again, moments of the night before flash through my mind. Louis and I kissing. The softness of Louis’ naked skin on my hands. I have to change the position on the chair to hide my hard on.  
Louis turns to look at me and with a quick stare at my pants, he lets out a funny smirk and he relocates his legs on the chair as well.  
-Fine by me. -Liam is the only one who answers to Niall. Louis and I just nod at his idea. -We will have to wait for Zayn to wake up naturally though, I’m not trying to wake him up after Niall’s attempt.  
-You don’t have to wait any longer. -A raspy voice startles us, and we all turn to see him. Zayn gets out of his tent wearing some grey track bottom and a simple long-sleeves t- shirt and he goes directly to grab the kettle. -By the way, thanks Niall…for the natural wake-up. -He says ironically, and I can’t help letting a chuckle out.  
-What do you say then? - Niall says careless of Zayn’s grumpiness. -Do you fancy a bathe on the beach?  
-Sure. -Zayn shrugs.  
-It’s decided, then!  
It takes one hour to prepare our bags with beer, sandwiches, and some snacks. Louis carries a football ball and no bag, so I made myself responsible for carrying his lunch.  
We get to the beach by the same path Louis and I took last night. The moment we arrive Niall takes off his clothes and runs towards the sea shouting and encouraging the rest of us to follow him. I sense in the back of my neck some weird tingling and when I turn, I see Louis looking at me asking me with his eyes whether I’m joining them or not. I shake my head; he seems to accept the answer. He takes off his clothes and runs to dip in the water. Liam follows him. It’s only Zayn and I left. So, by a non-spoken agreement, we sit on the pebbles. We take two beers from the minifridge and we start drinking them silently, our gazes focus on the boys, who are laughing and drowning each other. I focus my attention to Louis, and it doesn’t go unnoticed to me the fact that Liam and Louis are behaving too violent witch each other. Nonetheless, Louis doesn’t sing small and gets Liam’s head underwater. Next to me, I feel Zayn’s body squirming. I’m about to ask him if everything’s alright, when suddenly Niall takes a weird jump and ends up on Louis shoulders making both drown.  
-Niall! - I hear Louis screaming when their heads rise the surface.  
-How are the things between Liam and you? Are they getting better? - I face Zayn who is watching the boys with a frow.  
-Hmm? - He asks. - Yeah, I think so. -He doesn’t get into details.  
The boys don’t take long to go back to where we are standing. The three of them are trembling because of the cold so they quickly get dry and put on their clothes. Once they realize what we are drinking, Niall and Louis take a beer from the fridge and we all five sit on the ground. The silence doesn’t last long.  
-Who wants to play football? - Louis asks.  
We make teams. It’s Liam, Niall and I against Louis and Zayn. The funny thing is that you could say I’m not very good at football.  
The ball starts rolling and all I do is running trying to pursue it. The only ones who kick the ball properly are Louis and Niall, so the game it’s pretty much between them two. Every time, I get  
to touch the ball and I aim to goal, Louis ends up stopping it. In one of my attempts, Louis moves to get the ball and Niall, who gets too much excited about the game, tries to steal it from Louis sliding on the ground. I squint my eyes just at the impact of Niall against the hardness of the field. He fails to get the ball and it only makes Louis laugh.  
-You’re so childish. -Louis laughs and kicks the ball for Zayn to take it.  
-Shut it. -Niall replies. His face is contracted and he’s rubbing his left knee. I get closer to him and I hold him by his arms.  
-Are you alright?  
-Yes, yes, I think I just got some skin teared off. But It’s alright. -He takes a little hop trying to warm-up a little after the fall.  
-Are you going to keep playing? - I ask him surprised.  
-We must win, Harry. – He says as if it was a dishonour just the idea of giving up. I roll my eyes.  
-Whatever.  
We spend an unnecessary amount of time playing football, and even though I am pretty tired already, seeing Louis having so much fun, makes me want to keep playing. By the corner of my eye, I see Niall babbling some swearing and touching his knee, so when a phone starts ringing, I let out a relieved sigh.  
-That’s mine. -Liam raises his hand for us to stop the game and approaches to his bag to take the phone.  
We all stop to look at him, he takes the call and greets the person who was calling.  
-Hey, Ruth! -He gives us his back, so it’s impossible for us to keep hearing the conversation, although, Zayn’s body, who was closer to Liam, visibly stiffs. We are all looking at him, confusion in all our gazes when Zayn, who was holding the ball, throws it abruptly against the floor, and runs off.  
-What has just happened? - I ask.  
-I have stopped trying to understand what’s going on with those two. -Niall answers shrugging and sitting on the ground, I see him checking his wound and I see it bleeding.  
-You should take care of that. -I advise him twitching my face.  
-Yeah, I’m going back to the tents to grab something to clean it.  
-I am going to look for Zayn. -Louis says, I nod at him before he takes the path that Zayn took, and Niall heads back to our camp spot.  
***  
-Where is everybody? Liam finished his conversation and hung up the phone. Nobody was left in the improvised field we prepared for the match. I was all alone, waiting for him.  
-Hmm… well, Niall went to take care of his wound and Louis went to look for Zayn.  
-Look for Zayn, how come?  
-I don’t really know what happened. You took the phone and Zayn seemed a little caught up on your conversation to be honest, and suddenly his mood changed completely, and he left. He didn’t look very well.  
Liam stares at the ground, and he rubs his hair. There is something happening between these two.  
-Can I tell you something? -Liam asks me.  
-Absolutely.  
-Last night -he refocuses the conversation-when you and Louis left, it was only Zayn and I. - Liam makes a pause. -We started talking. -He finally says. -I didn’t understand why we didn’t get on from the very first moment. I don’t know why there’s this tension between the two of us to be honest. But the thing is that there is. That’s a fact, but It’s not coming from me. I just guessed he didn’t like me. So, I asked him.  
-What exactly?  
-Why he didn’t like me. -Liam’s stare seems lost. He’s not looking at me. His hands are lost between the strands of his hair. He’s exerting little tugs on his hair to ease the nervousness he is feeling right now.  
-What did he say? - I ask cautiously.  
-That’s the thing. He didn’t answer at first. We started joking around. It was nice. But then, he said he was going to sleep and out of the blue he said that the problem he had with me was not that he didn’t like me. -At this moment, Liam turns to me to study my face. His eyes were lost and instinctively I raise my hand to touch his shoulder, I leave it there until Liam dares to speak again. -He said the problem was that he did.  
I wide my eyes, I was not expecting that ending. So that was the reason why Zayn was so weird around Liam. I guess every person express their feelings in different ways, or even there are cases where they just don’t know how to express them.  
-What are you going to do, then?  
-I don’t know. I am not even sure he meant what I understood. It was so fast, he spilled it out, and he left. I’ve started to doubt that that even happened.  
I shake my hand to his response.  
-No, you need to talk. If he feels something for you, and you don’t or maybe you do, you need to tell him. It’s crystal clear that he doesn’t know how to deal with all these feelings, so for the benefit of both of you, you ought to talk it all out.  
-You’re right. -Liam takes a deep breath and I see him biting his cheeks. -Can I ask you something else?  
-Sure.  
-How did you and Louis manage?  
And just like that my back tenses up. How did he know? We weren’t very subtle, but it all happened last night, we didn’t even have time to be alone.  
-I’m sorry. – He continues looking at me. I can’t keep up with his gaze. - I saw you two last night. I couldn’t sleep because all this with Zayn and I saw you two kissing.  
He saw us. The noise that startles us… It was him.  
-I’m sorry, I intended to play dumb, I don’t want you to feel exposed. I am not going to tell anybody till you two tell us, but I just wanted to know how you did it. I’m sorry. I should’ve kept my mouth shut.  
That eases me a little. The secrecy of our new relationship hasn’t lasted long. But after all, this was not a secret. I didn’t plan to live my relationship with him on the down low. I know who I am.  
-No. Don’t worry. -I urge to lessen. -It’s ok. Honestly, I don’t really know how it happened. -I let out a nervous chuckle. - Last night we had our first kiss, but I guess we got along very well from the first moment. I mean… Sometimes I think I’ve lost all my abilities to act cool in front of him. -We laugh at that. – But I like him and apparently, he likes me too. It is not supposed to be too complicated. The thing- I continue- is that when you are with that person, you feel good, better, I don’t know… you feel supported and safe, and at the same time, you feel like you’re on the edge of a cliff, does that make sense? - Liam is studying me, letting sink every word I said. He finally nods.  
-Yeah, it does.  
***  
The boys are together in their camp zone. Niall seems now like he has forgotten about his injury because he’s encouraging all the boys to sing along with him. They all join but Liam has other plans, and for that plan he needs Zayn to join him.  
Relentlessness fills Liam when he gets closer to Zayn.  
-Can I talk to you? Alone?  
Liam feels the sight of the rest of the boys upon him, but he tries his best to stay stilly in front of Zayn.  
The shakiness in Zayn’s eyes is obvious but he accepts Liam’s offer and together they begin to move away from the boys, and they enter a leafier area.  
They walk with no shared words. They remain silent till Zayn has the courage to speak.  
-Listen, I’m sorry I don’t know why I left like that. I just needed to get away in that moment.  
Zayn tries to excuse himself, but Liam shakes his head.  
-No, really, you don’t have to apologize for anything. Hmm… I don’t know what happened there, and I don’t know if you heard anything from my conversation…- Zayn ducks his head embarrassed, which indicates that he did listen to the conversation. - …with my sister. - Zayn’s head revolves quickly.  
-Your sister?  
-Yes. But I didn’t want to talk to you about that.  
Zayn seems like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders and he looks at Liam attentively.  
-What is it then? -Zayn asks.  
-What you said last night… I don’t think I got it right since you said it under your breath.  
Zayn nods his head while they keep walking. One next to the other.  
-But you heard what I said tho, right? - Zayn asks.  
-I did, but maybe- Liam starts talking trying to reassure himself, but Zayn doesn’t give him time to continue.  
-Maybe, what I said under my breath I meant it. -Zayn interrupts him.  
They fall silent. They just keep walking and walking.  
-Now I have one question for you. - Zayn says and his walking halts. Liam also stops and stares directly at Zayn. Intimidation fills Liam just by a look into Zayn’s brown eyes. -What can I expect from you now?  
Liam becomes tongue-tied. Eye-contact does not get broken even though the tension is palpable. They remain unflappable. Finally, Liam shakes his head.  
-I don’t know.  
At those words, Zayn seems to flinch a little but quickly he raises one of his hands to touch smoothly Liam’s jawline.  
-You don’t know…-Zayn shakes his head just exactly like Liam did seconds ago. -So, you’re telling me you don’t know what I can expect from you if I caress your cheek like this…- Zayn’s fingertips slowly touches his cheek, finding the scratchy touch of his beardy face painfully appealing. On the other hand, Liam seems to not be able to move nor say anything. -You don’t know what I can expect from you if I just put my lips on your neck and suck it slowly. - Zayn does exactly what he said he would do. A groan spills out of Liam’s throat. That sound triggers them. And the free hand of Zayn travels to Liam’s bottoms. -You are telling, you don’t know what I can expect if I just surround you with my hand…-Zayn’s hand gets inside Liam’s pants and his hand slickly grabs his boner. Liam gasps, his eyes fixed on Zayn’s. The feeling of his hand is amazing. -What can I expect if I kiss you, Liam?  
The question fills the air, and the moment Zayn gives the first stoke, Liam surrounds Zayn’s body with his arms, his hands ending up on his bum and his mouth searching for Zayn’s desperately.  
Zayn responds at the exact second. He opens his mouth to let Liam’s tongue get in. They savour each other. They feel every bite, every sucking. Zayn’s hand gets faster, caressing Liam’s length till it leaves them both gasping for air.


	10. Chapter 10

The way back home could be described as quirky as fuck. It was obvious that something major happened between Liam and Zayn. They didn’t say a word when they returned to the tents, but Zayn was happier than the habitual and Liam’s face resembled to a tomato. This time, Zayn  
didn’t want to sit on the passenger’s site, so I took it happily, that meant I got first row to be with Louis. On the contrary, Liam and Zayn sat on the backseat next to Niall.  
I wouldn’t describe myself as a busybody but the temptation to know the current status in their relationship was killing me. Silence filled the car. I took a glance through the rear-view. Their attention was focused on different points of the view, but they were caressing each other’s fingers on the free gap between the two. Niall slept all the way through, so he wasn’t aware of anything. The rest of the time, I just spent it looking at the concentrated expression of Louis while driving and listening to the radio.  
By the time, we got to our respective houses, I was knackered.  
***  
I didn’t have plans for the next day. I texted Louis about something silly that happened on TV, and I decided to retake my jogging sessions. But nothing interesting occurred during those. By lunch time, I decide to give cooking a go. I think about the wide range of possibilities I can cook, and at the end of all the brain storming, I arrive to the conclusion that the best dish I could prepare is a salad.  
I choose a playlist to play. I’m gathering all the ingredients when suddenly the doorbell rings. I take it all aside and go to the door to take a look through the peephole. It’s Louis, and a fluffy black figure moves restlessly at his feet. I open the door. Louis stands there grinning at me with his hands in his pockets. He’s wearing a black training jacket with its pairing trousers. The outfit was completed by some wasted white Vans. Well, accurately, they were once white, now they have a strange brown colour. I don’t have time to greet him appropriately because the big fluffy thing jumps at me.  
-Wow. You must be Clifford. -I say taking his paws and shaking them carefully. The dog barks as a response. -Nice to meet you, I’m Harry. - I knee in front of Clifford to pet his head. He seems to like it.  
-I hope you don’t mind I brought him. -Louis says. I look up at him.  
-Of course not. It’s a pleasure to finally meet this lad. – Clifford barks at my words and that makes me laugh. I keep petting him.  
-I went for a walk with him, and I realized we were walking next to your house, so I thought about coming over. But I can go if you have other plans. - I shake my head to his words while my complete attention is on Clifford. -Or I could leave you two alone and I’ll go. -I stare at Louis and I notice a slight jealousy in his voice, his smile still intact. I stand on my feet and Clifford takes the petting cease as a green card to run around the house to inspect every corner. Closing the door behind Louis, I take a step closer towards him.  
-Hi. -I say, taking another step till our faces are inches away.  
-Hi. -Louis whispers and I don’t wait any longer to kiss him. Our lips touch, and the mellow rhythm of his kiss widens my smile.  
We separate at last. This is the second time he is at my house and things have changed. Now, I could kiss him whenever I wanted. I like the improvement.  
-Were you cooking? - It was an American kitchen, so everything was in the offing. He takes off his jacket and leaves it on the sofa.  
-Not really. I was thinking of making a salad.  
-A salad?  
I just shrug and take a knife to cut the vegetables. Louis comes closer to me and rolls up his sleeves.  
-Would you like me to cook for you?  
I turn my head to where he is standing surprised.  
-Would you be up to that?  
-Sure. I just need mozzarella and Parma ham. Do you have those?  
-I think so. Let me check. -I go to the fridge to look for them. After seconds of searching, I find them. - I have them!  
-Perfect! -I take them and put them on the counter for him to use them. -Now… I’m taking for granted that you have chicken. You do, right?  
-Hmm… I do. -I go back to the fridge and take the tray with the chicken.  
-Alright, so let’s do it. -Louis takes the chicken and starts to work with it.  
-Do you want me to help you? -I stand next to him watching every move.  
-Not really. - He turns to face me. -I could accept a kiss though. - He’s grinning at me and I hold his chin and I leave a soft peck on his lips.  
He starts cooking, and I watch him while I’m sitting on the stool in front of him. He talks and talks. I just stare at him.  
-Lou. -I get up from the stool and round up the counter to stand next to him again. -I feel bad for not doing anything. You want anything? A cuppa? -I suggest hopeful to be useful.  
-Ok. -He quickly accepts while he wraps the chicken with Parma ham.  
-You are going to love my cuppa. I make the best tea in the world. -I show off.  
-That’s promising. -He looks at me with fake enthusiasm.  
I lift my eyebrows expectantly.  
-Clifford! - Louis shouts surprising me, and seconds later the sound of fast footsteps and an agitated breathing fills the room. Clifford gets in the kitchen and stops besides Louis -What are you up to lad? - Clifford barks. Louis take a quick look to him but return to his cooking. Clifford aware of the lack of attention, rounds up the counter and decides to lay on the rug.  
I finish pouring milk to our teas and I pass it to him while I take my first sip.  
-Thanks. - He accepts the cuppa, and he gives me a short kiss on the cheek while the mug is still over my mouth. I slightly flinch.  
-You’re welcome. – I say once I shallow. It doesn’t make sense, but I think I blush.  
-This is almost done. -Louis explains oblivious of my reaction. -How does this oven work?  
I help him put the oven into operation. Once it’s on, Louis clasps his hands.  
-Now, we have to wait.  
I nod at his conclusion. But Louis gasps at the moment Champagne Supernova by Oasis starts to play.  
-Oh my god! I love this song.  
I smile at him as he starts to vibe to the rhythm to the song.  
-It’s good.- I agree.  
-It’s fucking brilliant. – As the guitars start playing his moves become faster. His excitement is contagious, and who am I supposed to lie to? I loved dancing, even though if all I did was just vibing with the music.  
The song returns to a slow rhythm again and we start to sing to each other, our voices mixing with the track. The wrinkles in the corners of Louis’ eyes are evident because of his real smile and as the chorus begins again, we start shouting the lyrics and jumping around the kitchen.  
We keep dancing and vibing with the song. Louis burst laughing when I pretend to play the solo guitar. All we do while the song is playing is singing, laughing and making weird moves.  
By the end of the song, when the electric guitar plays the last chord, we are gasping for breath.  
A thin layer of sweat covers Louis’ skin and the temptation is too big for me not to give in. I press his cheeks with both of my hands, and I kiss him in the lips. Louis responds to it caressing my lips with his. The touch is so smooth that it always leaves me wanting for more. His lips slightly part and I intensify the kiss. His hands go down to hold my waist and his thumbs press against my skin making every touched spot vibrate. We separate to breathe. A stupid grin decorates our faces.  
-I’m starving. – I say taking a look to the oven. -Can we eat?  
-As you wish. -He says.  
We prepare the table for two and we start eating. At the first bite, I nod at Louis making him know that it’s good. I have my mouth full when he clicks his tongue. I look at him. I move my head wondering what’s wrong.  
-Homemade mash with this would be wicked. -He says taking another bite and pointing the dish. I wide my eyes at the idea.  
-It would totally be. – I take another bite. -It’s delicious anyways.  
Louis stares at my face. He’s studying me. He’s trying to hide a smile. I don’t get what’s so funny.  
-What? - I ask rolling my eyes.  
-Nothing, nothing. -Louis hides his mouth with his hands. I see he’s trying to contain a laugh.  
-Lou, what is it?  
His attention turns to my mouth and he points at it.  
-Every time you take a bite, you stick your tongue out first. It’s cute.  
-Oh my god. - I cover my face embarrassed.  
-It’s cute. It’s cute. -Louis says quickly reassuring it. He’s now laughing deliberately. He leans towards me and he separate my hand from my face. He’s showing me a comforting smile. -You’re cute.  
I let out a loud laugh at his statement. He keeps smiling at me and my chest melts at his gaze.  
-We could watch a film later. What do you say?  
-Any idea? -I ask.  
Louis shrugs his shoulders. -What are you up to?  
-A rom-com, perhaps?  
-Ok.  
When we finish dinner, we lay on the sofa next to each other. At the change of scenario, Clifford who was laying on the rug, jumps at the couch next to me. I make space for him and I approach Louis. Seeing I am getting closer to him, he raises his arm to surround my back. His body shelters mine. I press my face against his chest while our attention is in the film that has just started.  
The image of people hugging and kissing at the arrivals gate at Heathrow airport fills the screen. I have seen this film so many times, and I never get tired of it. “Love actually” had become a tradition for me. Whenever I feel like it, I watch it. We watch the film silently holding hands. Our fingers caressing each other.  
***  
Two hours later, we decide to go to bed. Clifford stays in the living room. We have made him an improvised bed with blankets on the sofa. I have brought out my fluffiest blankets. He seems happy with it because the second we finish building it up, he sniffs it, spins around over it and he lays on the top of it.  
Louis and I are wrapped up under the covers, our legs are touching but our faces are inches away. My hands are under the pillow and all my body is facing Louis. I see one side of his face. His sight is focused on the ceiling of the room. Both of his hands under his head.  
-What are you thinking? -I dare to ask him.  
-I can’t believe the little boy was happy after his crush left. I mean, he just kissed her. - He turns to look at me. -He discovered that she felt the same way about him, and after all, he’s happy just with a kiss. And all this in an airport! Why is there always a fucking airport? -He’s faking to be upset.  
I laugh at his reflection. -It makes it more exciting.  
He huffs considering my words. His smile returns and he moves to be face to face. He places his hands exactly the same way I do.  
-If you were at an airport right now, where would you go? – He asks me.  
-Uff, maybe…- I think about it- maybe I would go to Rome.  
-Rome?  
-Yeah, what about you?  
-Paris. - He says without hesitation.  
-It didn’t take you too long to decide. - I tease him. He just shrugs a shoulder.  
-Why Rome?- He asks.  
-It’s romantic.  
-More than Paris? No way! Paris is the city of love. – He squints his eyes at me.  
-I’m not saying Paris isn’t romantic. -I explain defensively. – All I’m saying is that Rome is romantic too.  
-You don’t know what you are saying, Harold. You need to keep up. -Louis fakes to be offended.  
-Harold? -I ask amused.  
-What? -He gets closer challenging me with his eyes. There’s obvious joy reflexed in them and I play along getting closer as well accepting his playful threat. -Is there something wrong with it?  
It doesn’t exist more space between us. I free my hands from under the pillow and I circle his chin to kiss him. His mouth welcomes me happily and his taste clouds my mind. His hands travel to my hair making me feel every tug on my curls. I get on top of him and my hands go down inch by inch till they find their way through the hem of his t-shirt. I take it off and immediately he takes off mine. I look at him. His eyes are glassy, and his lips are swollen and parted. I lean over him again. I bite his bottom lip and a growl comes out of his mouth. I move my lips to his neck caressing his sensitive skin under his ear. Our breathings are accelerated. Louis’ hands embrace my back’s skin making me quiver.  
The feeling of his body under mine is overwhelming, the little sounds he makes are making me crazy. I have never felt anything like this. The desire to savour the taste of his lips over and over again is intoxicating. There’s never enough. Never enough of Lou.  
My lips go down to his stomach and I kiss him, the contact makes Louis twist under me. I stare at him leaving my lips pressed against his skin. His eyes are fixed on mine, watching every move I make, asking for more. His lips are tensed, his hair is messy. I go down. Louis hisses as I take off his pants and I take him in my hand.  
-Harry. - Louis murmurs my name. I stroke him slowly making him swear. – Fuck.  
-Shh…- I tease him. He closes his eyes while my tongue licks his skin under his belly. -Lou, look at me. -I keep caressing his cock, but Louis doesn’t follow my order. -Louis. -I call him. -Look at me. -I stop the movement of my hand, and his eyes open immediately. His gaze is lost but he looks at me bewildered. -Look at me. -I repeat.  
My mouth goes south, and my hand gets replaced. I take him in. I look up to make sure he’s still looking at me, and he is. That feels like a rush of adrenaline. I start moving and he twirls under me, so I grab his hips to steady him.  
-Fuck, I’m close. -He warns.  
I feel a shiver in my belly at his husky swearing, and I lick again keeping his member inside my mouth. I increase the pace holding his thighs tighter.  
-Shit. -He swears stuttering. I let him out as I feel a salty fluid in my mouth. I wipe my lips and I get up quickly to grab a clean towel from my wardrove. I wash him clean.  
-Are you ok?- He asks me.  
-Of course, I am. - From where I am standing, I watch him laying on my bed all naked.  
He looks at me worried. -I should’ve warned you earlier.  
-Hey. -I ease him whispering. I lean over his body to be face to face. -It’s totally fine, ok?  
-Ok. -He mumbles against my mouth before he approaches to my lips. He kisses me hungrily. Not expecting it at all, he turns me over and now he is the one on top. I look at him surprised, he’s grinning at me, strands of his hair falling on his forehead. I remove them from his face to let me see his blue eyes. His head lowers to my neck and his mouth plays against my skin. He’s licking, biting, kissing. He sucks under my jaw and I squirm and groan loudly.  
-You are so hot. -Louis whisper against my ears and that’s the trigger.  
I lay my hands in his waist and I lift him, making him change his position and placing him over me. - I want you to ride me.  
Louis doesn’t say a word. He takes off the garment left between us. He throws my trousers somewhere in the room and takes my dick in his hands.  
-Where do you have the condoms?  
I extent my arm toward my nightstand. I open one of the drawers to take one.  
-Here.- I’m about to tear it open when Louis stops me.  
-Can you let me do it?  
I nod tongue-tied.  
Louis rips it open and gracefully he covers me.  
-Hold on. -I say. I open again the drawer to take some lube.  
Louis licks his lips before moving, the contact between our two bodies steals him a sigh. He sets in better as I press my fingertips against his skin. The feeling of his body rounding me up makes me moan. Slowly, Louis starts to move his hips in circles and once his frow relaxes, he begins to slowly jump over my erection. His body is so warm, and he feels so good. We stare at each other while he rides me. Layers of sweat are covering both of our bodies. Louis’ pace increases, making by back arch at his thrusting.  
-L- Lou…  
Louis hands are resting at my chest and I feel myself vibrating. I can’t stop myself from trembling with the pleasure that it’s clouding my senses.  
-Lou, I’m gonna…  
The climax doesn’t take long to arrive for both of us. I feel myself liberating inside of him. We’re both breathing heavily. Louis unravels from my body and I wrap his waist welcoming him to lay on top of me. He’s resting on my chest, his cheeks against my skin while we try to recover our normal breathing. We stay like that till my eyelids start to close enchanted by his warmth.


	11. Chapter 11

The sunlight streams through the curtains wake me up. I open my eyes and I find myself tangled up in Louis’ body. His back is pressed against my chest, my arms are resting rounding up his waist. I take a quick look at my clock. It’s 9:53. I come closer to him. His hair tickles my nose but the need to drown myself in his scent is too tempting. I can’t see if Louis is awake but the moment the grip in my arms tights around him, he presses his bottom against me making me growl. My fingertips move against his bare skin and I clench it mellowly.  
-Good morning. -Louis voice sounds hoars.  
-Good morning. -I tell him back pressing a kiss behind his neck.  
He turns around to face me. A sleepy image of Louis greets me. It’s impossible for me not to smile at him. His hair is a mess, and his eyes are swollen, but still, I can’t look away from him. We stay there staring at each other not saying any words. My hands are still on him. They have become unable to pass a minute without his contact.  
-I could spend all day in bed. – I say.  
-We totally could.  
-We have to perform tonight. -I remind him.  
-There are still hours for that. We could lay here all day long.-He shrugs. He seems to think about it and stands up quickly leaving me in bed alone. -Hold on. If we are doing this, we need to do this right. -He covers himself with a white t-shirt of mine and leaves the room.  
I don’t know what his plans are, but I let myself fall against his side of the pillow carelessly.  
Minutes pass when he enters the room holding two steamy cups.  
-We need supplies. -he says cheerfully.  
-Oh, yes! -I get unreasonably excited. -We also need…- I look around my room looking for it. Once I spot it, I stand up to get it. -A laptop! -I jump right back besides Louis and I take the cuppa he’s offering me. We lose the track of time among random YouTube videos, kisses, and cuddles.  
***  
Tonight, is our first show.  
I open the rehearsals’ room door for Louis to enter first. We find that Liam and Zayn are already here.  
The indistinct chatter of other people at the hallway is heard until I close the door behind us.  
-You can’t. -Liam’s voice greet us when we get in. He is sitting next to Zayn with his right leg over Zayn’s lap.  
-What do you mean I can’t? You can choose your house after all. -Zayn replies with a furrow on his forehead.  
-Hey guys. -Louis greets.  
-What are you talking about? - I ask them joining them on the sofa.  
-Zayn claims to be a Gryffindor just because he likes the colours of that house. But he’s clearly a Slytherin.  
-Ok…  
-Maybe I am a Slytherin, but the Sorting Hat lets you decide which house you want to belong to. -Zayn explains.  
I look at Louis hoping to see the same confusion that I’m feeling right now. Louis looks at me widening his eyes and he shrugs his shoulders.  
-What about you Liam, what house are you in? - I ask keeping up with their conversation..  
-Did you just…? - Louis look at me astonished.  
I just shrug, I’m only messing around.  
-It’s indeed a great decision, Louis. – I make fun of him.  
The door opens and we all turn our heads to see who has enter the room. Martin makes his way inside till he gets to the same level where Louis was standing.  
-I hope you all know what you have to do. No arguing, no problems.  
The tension is built up immediately. We all nod to his statement.  
-Well, then. I’ve made sure everything is in order. Martha has told me about all the rearrangement you wanted to make to the songs. Some of them are not what I would consider a hit, so they stay in their original version. -He studies our faces and falters at Louis. - Louis and Zayn, I have considered your songs remain the same. Let’s keep it simple, alright? People like it simple.  
I turn to look at Louis. His jaw is clenched, his back, rigid.  
-You could’ve said it before. We rehearsed the songs with the modifications already made. -Louis says.  
-I say it whenever I feel like it. -Martin is looking at him in a way that makes me want to step in to protect Louis. It doesn’t give me time because he turns to look at the rest again.  
-Where’s Niall?  
Liam takes the floor.  
-He hasn’t arrived yet. He must be on his way, though.  
Martin nods at his words. -He’s late, nonetheless. Tell him that I want to talk to him.  
He turns and disappears through the door.  
I realize my hands have turned into fists. Silence fills the room for a couple of minutes till the door opens again. I feel like all of us take a deep breath to get through another Martin’s speech, but instead a cheery voice welcomes us.  
-Hi, guys! -Niall gets into the room and analyses our faces. -For God’s sake, who died? Don’t suffer any longer! The great Nialler is here to the rescue!  
I can’t help smiling which makes me ease my fists. I stand up to get next to Louis. I encircle his back with my arm, and I feel his back loose a little.  
-Thank god you’re here, Nialler. -I say jokingly.  
-Martin has just been here. He changed some of our songs and said that he wanted to talk to you because you were late. -Zayn summarises.  
However, Niall doesn’t seem too aggravated, he just waves a hand dismissively.  
He sits on the couch and looks at Liam’s leg over Zayn’s body.  
Niall looks at me confused and points at it shamelessly.  
-Am I the only one who see this? -Niall asks.  
I shake my head smiling. My fingers are stroking mellowly the exposed skin on the back of Louis’ neck, and I congratulate myself as I feel Louis’ back loosening more and more.  
-Look at you two guys! You look lovely without trying to kill each other. -Niall mocks.  
-Shut up, Niall. -Liam says.  
-It seems like our little trip worked! - Niall cheers triumphantly. He looks proud, the enthusiasm in his voice lights up the atmosphere again.  
-Maybe it worked too much. -Zayn replies with a giddy smile on his face.  
Louis and I turn to look at him amused. Niall studies Zayn’s expression until Liam’s arm surrounds Zayn’s shoulders.  
-No fucking way! – Niall shouts jumping out of the couch. -You two too? -I get the reference of Lou and I, but I dismiss it. -Shit! Sorry! -Niall turns to look at me apologetically but all he finds is me smiling and surrounding Louis’ body. His smile recovers itself. -So, all along was sexual tension there? - He asks mischievously back to Liam and Zayn.  
Zayn is shaking his head playfully.  
They start chattering but Louis tilts his head to talk to my ear and I lose track of their conversation.  
-Let’s go to the restroom. -Louis whispers.  
I look at his eyes and I nod.  
We make our way to the bathroom and we close the door behind us.  
-He can’t change the fucking song at the last very minute. -Louis shouts sitting next to the sink. -It’s not fucking fair. I have worked on my song so hard. You know it. -He looks at me and I nod agreeing with him.  
-The changes you made were amazing. -I tell him.  
-I thought so too, at least I thought they were good enough. -Louis says resigned.  
-Lou, they were amazing. Don’t even bother with his words. He doesn’t even know what he’s talking about.  
-I have to go back to the beginning now. It wasn’t worthy any of my job.  
-Hey! Of course, it was! You are going to do amazing anyways. You are going to crush it. I have no doubts about it.  
Louis nods. -Thanks.  
-Now forget about that. I have something on my mind so much more intriguing. —I say raising my eyebrows repeatedly trying to make it exciting.  
I get his attention and he looks at me while he swings his legs in the air from where he is sitting.  
-What is it?  
-Tomorrow, you and I have a date.  
-What? -Louis laughs and raises an arm for me to come closer. He places me between his thighs.  
-We have a date tomorrow- I say pecking him teasingly. - Unless you don’t want to, of course.  
Louis whines at my teasing and captures my lips to give me a proper kiss. -I would love to go on a date with you, Harold.  
-Ok, then. -I respond to his kissing.  
-Have you got any idea of where you are taking me? -He asks.  
-Maybe…  
-You have no idea where that date is going to take place, do you? -Louis laughs.  
-Maybe… -His chuckles are loud and contagious. -But it’s going to be good. - I assure him.  
-I’m sure of that. -He looks at me tilting his head to one side and I capture one more time his lips. His arms surrounds my neck, and he wraps his legs around me. We spend I don’t know how much time among whispers, laughs, and kisses, enjoying the company of each other, till I receive a message making my phone chimes. I see the name of Niall on the screen.  
-It’s Niall. -I tell him.  
I open the notification and his message pops up.  
“Did you two got swallowed by the toileeeet???? The show is about to staaaart”  
I show the message to Louis.  
-This Nialler has come out as a very funny guy. - Louis says sassy. -We should go, then. – I take a step backward to let Louis stands up from the sink. A need to reassure him fills me, and I grab his arm before he opens the bathroom’s door.  
-Lou, you are going to be great. Don’t worry.  
Louis instead of opening the door, turns back to look at me and he places a light kiss on my lips.  
-Thanks. You too.


	12. Chapter 12

We accorded that I would go to pick him up to his house since the date was my plan after all.  
Nonetheless, I wasn’t expecting at all what I would confront when I rang his door and Louis opened the door. A huge fluffy Clifford jumps at me and I take him in the air in the nick of the time.  
-Oh my God!– I shout. My heart in my throat.  
-Shit! Clifford! -Louis shouts back but all Clifford does is shaking his tail once I assure him in my wrap.  
-I have him. It’s ok.  
-Sorry -Louis apologises for him. He turns around the cap he’s wearing and steps closer to kiss me. -Hi.  
Now that I was free of any kind of assault, I have time to study his house. A brown peel sofa fills almost completely the room and the rays of light streaming from the huge window fall against the dark wood floor. It’s pretty homey, a slight smell which I couldn’t describe makes me want to take a sly deep breath. This place shouted his name.  
-My sister is coming to take care of Clifford, so I’m ready whenever you are.  
I look at him and I realize he’s wearing some blue jeans and a Kappa sweatshirt. He looks good.  
-Off we go, then.  
We head to the street and we start walking side by side. The sky is clouded but it’s not that cold, nevertheless, nothing stops me from wearing a long navy-blue coat. People walk past us, everyone busy on their phones or on the conversations with the people next to them. Cars and red buses fill the roads. The sound of them mix with the indistinct mumbling of the people.  
-Are you going to tell me where we’re going? I’m following you like a puppy dog. -Louis whines.  
The image of him as a puppy makes me laugh. -You’ll see. Don’t be eager. - I tease him. Honestly, the place where we were going wasn’t that special, but I wanted him to have fun. -It’s a morning date, Louis, don’t expect roses and champagne.  
-Well, now you have offended me, Harold. I totally deserve roses and champagne.  
I turn to look at him and I see his eyes wrinkling under his cap. Of course, you do. I take his hand and we keep walking. I realize this is the first time we are holding hands in public. It feels new and thrilling, it’s been a long time since I held hands with someone.  
We get to the entry of a park.  
-Did you get me to Hyde park? -Louis halts before going in.  
I roll my eyes at him.  
-I did, but we have to walk through it to get to this place, Lou. I’m not going to make you feed the ducks.  
I pull his arm making him walk again.  
-Well, now, I want to feed the ducks. -He says clicking his tongue.  
-Alright, then I will also feed some squirrels.  
-No! You can’t! -He says worryingly.  
-Why not?  
-Obviating the fact that it’s forbidden. They can be dangerous as fuck.  
-How is a squirrel going to be dangerous, Louis?- I laugh.  
-How!? They get mad. They come in droves to climb on to your body and they just don’t get off.  
-That happened to you, didn’t it?- I ask him looking at his face. His mouth is twitched. You can just tell.  
-Maybe. You’ll never know.  
I burst laughing.  
-Let’s just forget about feeding any animal then.  
-Better.  
-Ok. -I keep laughing at the image of him feeling attacked by tiny squirrels.  
-Stop laughing, Harold.  
-Sorry, sorry. -I hang my arm around his neck seeking more approach to his body. We continue walking till we arrive to Kensington. The palace is in plain sight and I find myself daydreaming with the view.  
-I think I would totally be a great princess, don’t you think?  
-Would you? -Louis is grinning at me.  
-For sure. -I say as if I had no doubt. -I would be a terrific princess in this park. And I would have lots of squirrels as pets.  
Louis bursts laughing. -I can totally picture that. You would look amazing in a dress.  
-Right? It would have to be a blue dress though. Blue fits me.  
-Totally. It’s a beautiful colour. -He agrees.  
-And it remains me to you, so more points to the blue.  
He chuckles -Blue, it is, then.  
***  
Finally, we have made our way through the park and I can already spot the place.  
A simple black sign with white lettering gives the music store its title. The showcase is full of vinyl disc covers. I get to the door and push it. Louis enters and a huge table filled with vinyl discs welcome us. As soon as we walk in, the smell of vinyl hits us.  
-I have never been here before. -Louis exclaims excited taking a look at some of the vinyl classified as Rock.  
Every section of LP’s were perfectly classified by genres. No worker was at sight in here, so we continue taking a look at everything that catches our eye.  
-Do you like it? - I ask him.  
Louis is browsing through the albums till he gasps. He quickly takes one out to show me. It’s a cover of The Red Hot Chilly Peppers from the 80’s.  
-This was their first album. –Louis explains. I take the album and study the cover, a weird face with one eye and its tongue out catches my attention. -Have you listened to “By the way”? I grew up with that album. I love it. I would love my music to sound like that.  
-You should try it. Your voice would sound amazing on that kind of music.  
He gets to the other side of the table and keeps touching everything he finds. I can’t help looking at his face. His eyes are shining and there’s some weird feeling of pride on my chest for being me who made him discover this place.  
-What about you? - He tilts his head towards me waiting an answer.  
-What about me? - I ask him confused.  
-What would you like your music to sound like?  
I let an exaggerated puff.  
-I’ve been thinking about it, to be honest. -I haven’t told anyone about my music before. I’ve been trying to write some songs for quite a long time, but I seem to never find the courage to show them to anybody.  
-And? - He asks interested.  
-And… I think I would consider myself a Rock fan too, but in a different way.  
-What way?  
-I like soft rock. I’m more of a 70’s music guy, to be honest. I would like my music to be filled with guitar solos and a lot of different sounds. Make people feel happy while listening to it. -I realize I sound more excited than I should. I start to feel embarrassed but when I turn to look at Louis, I see him looking at me with a proud smile on his face. All kind of embarrassment disappear immediately.  
Something fills my chest and I smile back at him.  
-That’s nice. That’s the purpose of music at the end of the day. To make people feel. -Louis says.  
-Yeah. -I agree.  
A couple enters the store. Their chattering fills the place and out of nowhere, a man comes to attend them. It seems like they already have something on their mind. They start looking for it at the same table where Louis and I are.  
I feel like the bubble where Louis and I were in, has broken. So, I get closer to Louis and grab his hand.  
-Are you ready for the second part of the date?  
-Absolutely.  
I take him to a café. It’s not a big one, but there are enough tables to serve at least twenty people. The floor is decorated with blue and yellow triangles and the lighting in here makes every colour look brighter. The ambience is tranquil, there aren’t too many people, and the ones that there are, are busy with their laptops.  
We decide to sit on one of the tables made of wood from the corner. We order two coffees that don’t take too long to arrive. The smell of coffee is all around the place and I let myself take a deep breath and get comfortable on the chair. I take a sip at the steamy cup before looking at Louis. The heat of the coffee warms my throat.  
Louis does the same and before putting back the coffee on the table, he makes a weird gesture with his hand covering his mouth.  
-Shit! - He swears. -I got my tongue burnt.  
I laugh at him.  
-You have to blow, Lou.  
His mouth drops open slightly and a corner of his lip lifts.  
-Is that deliberately provocative?  
A high pitch laugh gets out and I cover my mouth quickly to muffle it. A funny expression is all over Louis’ face, and he takes another sip of his coffee without breaking eye contact with me.  
I twitch at my chair. I need to change the subject before images of him doing indeed provocative things flash in my mind.  
-Tell me something about you before I met you. -I caught him under guard.  
-What do you want to know? -He seems receptive to the question.  
Everything really. I shrug instead.  
-How did you know you wanted to be a musician?  
-That’s a big question. -Louis puffs. -At first, I was very insecure about my voice. I’ve always loved music and singing but it never seemed like something I was very comfortable with on the public eye. I thought that I should work on that, so I participated on some musicals at my school and I  
was in a band at my teenage years. I guess it wasn’t until I tried some other things, that I realized that what I really liked and what I wanted to do for a living was music.  
-You were in a band?  
Louis nods taking another drink.  
-Me too. We got to participate in The Battle of Bands. -I tell him.  
Louis widens his eyes. – Really? So did we! Wouldn’t it be we weird if we coincided there and never met? – He changes the subject quickly. - How did you end up singing anyways? - Louis asks.  
Images of my youth hit. I smile at the nostalgia.  
-It was because of my mum. I will forever be grateful to her for pushing me to do what I really liked. I remember I couldn’t face anyone while I sang. I don’t know why. I guess it felt too much intimate. It has always been too intimate. -A sly smile slips out. -I’ve always thought that writing a song or even a love letter is the best way to express how much you love someone.  
Louis listens to me attentive. Not losing even one of the face’s expressions that are giving me away. I don’t care this amount of awareness if it comes from him.  
-I worked in a bakery for a couple of years and after that I decided to come to London to give music a try. I’ve been doing bits and bobs. But nothing great paid. My savings were disappearing, so the pub was my only chance for me to stay in the…  
A phone starts ringing. Louis ’arms disappear down the table and they start to rummage inside his pockets. He takes the phone and looks at the screen.  
-Sorry. -He apologises. -It’s my sister.  
-Don’t worry.  
He accepts the call.  
-What’s up, Lottie?  
I watch him talking to his phone and my thoughts get lost at the sight of the people coming in and out of the café. The lightning in the room has darkened due to the clouds covering the sky. The need to lengthen the time with Louis was palpable inside me. I have never felt this comfortable with anyone, understood at some level that it was impossible to explain.  
His conversation on the phone doesn’t take long. He hangs up quickly after a brief good-bye and puts the phone back to his pocket.  
-Sorry again. Lottie called to tell me she’s taking Clifford to her house.  
I lose track of what I was talking about, but Louis redirects the conversation again.  
-So, you got to stay in the city. - He resumes and I nod while I drink the rest of my coffee. -Do you like The Smoke, though? -He asks.  
-You mean London? Yes…sometimes. -I’ve been through different states along the way. -Sometimes it feels strange. I have my sister close, but at times it’s difficult to deal with all the chaos.  
-I get it. My whole family lives in Doncaster except for Lottie. I try to go and visit them as much as I can but living far from home may feel lonely.  
A thunder echoes all over the place, and It makes us both look through the window.  
-Have you finished your coffee? -I ask him.  
-Yes, we should go before it starts raining.  
We are not that lucky. By the moment we arrive at my house, we are soaked wet.  
-For fuck’s sake. -Louis takes off his shoes and leaves them next to the door.  
I quickly go to grab some towels at the bathroom, and I toss one to him. I leave him in the living room getting himself dry while I go to my wardrove to take some dry clothes for both of us.  
I go back to the living room to find him all dishevelled and fighting with the towel.  
-Here is some clothes you can wear.  
-Thanks. -He takes the sweatshirt I lend him, and he puts it on.  
When we’re all dried and settled, we lay on the couch, each one at one side. Our feet remain in touch in the middle of the sofa. Our legs are tangled. The TV is on, but none of us is paying too much attention to it.  
-Are you going to stay to spend the night? -I am praying for him to want to stay. The house feels different when he’s here.  
-Only if you want me to.  
An evident chill runs through his body making him sneeze.  
Shit. Quickly, I stand up to one of the drawers where I keep all the blankets and I wrap him around with the fluffiest one.  
-Damn it, Harold. You are making it hard for me.  
-What? -I ask confused. I lay back on my side of the sofa covered with another blanket. I don’t realize he’s watching every move I make till I set myself comfortable again. - What? -I insist.  
Louis lets out a timid smile. He shakes his head making me understand that it’s nothing but still, before I can think of anything else, he speaks.  
-Not to love you.  
And just like that, I’m lost for words.


	13. Chapter 13

The wind howls against the closed windows of my shadowy bedroom causing my eyes to flutter open at the wailing harmony outside. A shiver runs through my body as I hide my neck under the covers. I reach my arm to my left expecting to feel Louis’s body next to me, but all I find is more and more bed, no trace of him. I turn on the lights to confirm my suspicions. I blink quickly to adjust my eyes to the sudden brightness. Louis is not here.  
I check my phone over my nightstand and as I turn it on, I notice I didn’t remember to charge it last night, it’s only at 20%. Shit. There’s no messages, not calls. A slight feeling of unrest fills me at the lack of any trace of his presence. I get out of under the covers and I realize his clothes are not on the floor, where we left them hours ago, however, my clothes remain there now placed neatly over a chair.  
I get my pants on quickly, even though I know I need an urgent shower, but I need to check the other parts of the house in case Louis is in one of them. Nothing. He’s nowhere to be found. I order myself to keep calm. There has to be a good explanation. I go back to my room to check the phone again. It’s not too late. It’s just almost nine in the morning.  
Our two cups of tea are still on the nightstands, which I take as a prove that I have not imagined the night before. I clear my space taking my cup and I go to the other side of the bed to pick up his as well, but there’s something next to it that catches completely my attention. A white paper sheet folded in two. I take it after putting back the cups on the table and I sit on the edge of the bed quickly unfolding it. It’s handwritten. What’s this? I start reading.

  
_Dear Harry,_   
_I have to go to my sister’s and pick Clifford up and you were sleeping so peacefully that I didn’t want to wake you just to tell you this. But taking advantage of the little note, I thought this would be a great opportunity to fulfil your wish. I know this is not a song, and I’m not even sure this could be considered a love letter either, but just the thought of you just awaken reading this, with your messy curls and a grin on your face, I think it makes it worthy enough._   
_You have no idea what it’s like to witness seeing your face the first thing in the morning. It makes me want to witness literally everything that it has do with you. Your voice, your hands, your eyes. It’s too much, Harry. Understanding that I’m able to drown myself into your skin like we did last night, makes me crazy. It makes me feel things I’ve never felt before. It’s a little scary, to be honest._   
_Yours Sincerely, Louis._

  
This is…What the fuck? I raise my head to check again my room, but my eyes stop at the image of me reflected at my mirror. A huge stupid smile, which I have not been aware until this moment, covers my face in its complete. I reread the letter so many times that I’ve memorised every word written. A sigh escapes from me involuntarily, I feel like there’s something stuck in my throat, in my chest. No one has ever made me feel like this. Louis has become someone so important in my life so fast that I don’t even know what to do about it. All I know is that I wished he was here right now.  
His last line rumbles in my head. I understand. This is scary, feeling so deeply for someone, makes me shit my pants, but I guess even though our hearts are at stake, the feeling of being alive makes it worth it. It takes courage and braveness to love.  
My phone rings on the other side of the table and the sound of it distracts me from my thoughts. I stretch my body along the bed to reach it. Niall’s name appears on the screen.  
-Hello. -I extend the “o” which makes it sound more like a “helloooooo”. My mood has changed entirely.  
-Hi. You sound good. -Niall’s voice seems off.  
-I am good. -My voice sounds more cheerful than normal. I need to calm down. It’s just a letter. No, it’s not. It’s not just a letter, it’s Louis, all Lou. Ok, but it’s just a letter. The internal dialogue runs free in my mind till Niall talks again.  
-Glad to hear that because I’m not, and I need advice.  
-Oh, what’s wrong?  
-Not much really, I just need advice on some matter. Do you mind if we meet up in one hour? Or two…whenever you want.  
-Yeah, totally. Give me an hour. The time it’ll take me to take a shower and have breakfast.  
-Save the breakfast. It’s on me. In one hour at the corner of the pub, then?  
-I’ll see you there. - I hang up the phone  
The letter is still on my hands, getting a grip, I place it inside one of my drawers making sure none of its corners bend.  
I take a quick shower and I decide to wear some jeans and a colourful jumper. Because of the weather, I put on a long black coat and a beanie of the same colour.  
I arrive sooner than the expected, but Niall is already there waiting for me. When he sees me, he nods his head towards me greeting me.  
-Thanks for coming. -He says giving me a quick hug.  
-Sure. There’s no problem. -I tell him making him sure I mean it. I want him to feel comfortable asking me for help if he ever needs it. We start walking towards the closest café. -What is it?  
-It’s about Liv. Do you remember her, right?  
The blond girl I saw with him in the park.  
-Yes, of course.  
Niall nods looking at the ground.  
-Is she ok? Are you? - I’m starting to feel a little nervous and Niall doesn’t say a word. -Niall, talk!  
-I’m fine, geez, and she’s fine too. It’s no such a big deal. I guess she just took me by surprised and I didn’t know what to do.  
-Ok. Tell me what happened.  
We arrive to a small cafeteria with all the walls covered by crystal. The artificial heat slap us when we enter the place and Niall takes the lead to order.  
-What would you like? - He asks me turning around to look at me.  
-A latte is fine.  
-Nothing to eat? -He asks as if I had lost my mind.  
I shake my head and he gives me a squint of eyes and a sign of disdain.  
-Good morning! - Niall greets the woman behind the bar. – Could we have two lattes and two croissants filled with chocolate, please?  
I let out a chuckle at my ignored order. The woman quickly serves it and we both thank her and take the two plates.  
We finally sit at one of the tables. The place is not specially crowded so we can talk easily.  
-Yesterday… - Niall starts to speak and I look at him interested but the second he says the first word he takes a huge bit to his croissant, which makes it impossible for him to keep talking.  
I roll my eyes at him. -Swallow already. - I urge him.  
Niall nods while he sips at his latte. This is going to take ages. - Yesterday, I spent the whole day with Liv. -Niall recontinues, still, he pauses again to take another drink. I, taking a deep breath, end up doing the same. -We went to a restaurant to have lunch and then we went for a walk. -He tells me while I’m chewing my croissant. The chocolate inside spills everywhere.  
-Shit. -I murmur.  
-Over there. - Niall points at one spot on my face for me to clean it. I take a napkin from the table and I start to clean all the mess.  
-You just focus on your story, Niall.  
-Ok, ok. -He continues. -This morning, we were in bed, everything was great. I mean, I always feel great when I’m with her.  
-That’s good. -I babble distracted with my clean up.  
-And apparently, her parents are coming from France to visit her, so she asked me this thing…-His voice fades at the end of the sentence, and I raise my head from the napkin to his face gaining all my attention.  
-What thing?  
-I freaked out. - He says defensively. -I didn’t know what to do.  
-I’m sure of it. -I say calmly reaching to him. - What did she ask you?  
Niall blows. - She asked me to meet her parents.  
I let my arms fall against my lap. All tension easing in my body. -Are you fucking serious? All this tension just because she wants you to meet her parents?  
-Hey! - He complains. -It’s a big deal!  
-Of course, it is. But It’s a good thing. You say you like her, and she wants to take a step forward, you should be happy about it.  
-I don’t know. -Niall scratches his head. All doubts reflected on his eyes.  
-Hold on. -I recapitulate everything he told me, and something stands up. -You said you freaked out. What have you done?  
Niall whines and lets his head fall against the table dramatically.  
-I told her I wasn’t sure about it and she left.  
-For fuck’s sake, Nialler. - I whisper. His head is still against the table, so I reach my hand to caress it in a comforting way. -You like her though, right?  
He nods. -What should I do? - His voice sounds muffled.  
I let out a deep sigh. -I don’t know.  
-Shit. -He swears lifting his head up again.  
-Keep eating your croissant. -I encourage him.  
He takes it with no doubt and takes another bite.  
-If it happened to you…- He talks with his mouth full. -For instance, if Louis asked you the same thing, and you answered what I answered. How could you fix it? What could you do?  
-I really don’t know, Niall.  
-Ask him, then.  
-What? – His order makes me burst laughing.  
-Ask him. What would he like you to do to fix it?  
He’s serious. My smile vanishes from my face. I start shaking my head. At my negative, he starts to look at me with puppy eyes.  
-Niall don’t look at me like that! I’m not calling Louis to ask him that.  
-Why not? - He asks frantic. -He’s your boyfriend. He should know.  
“He’s your boyfriend” The sentence gets stuck in my head. He’s my boyfriend. We haven’t talked about that. We haven’t labelled our relationship, but I guess he’s my boyfriend. For fuck’s sake, Louis is my boyfriend.  
I think I must have an aneurysm since I’m starting to consider calling him. The ultimate puppy eyes followed by a mellow “please” finishes me.  
-Shit, ok. I’ll call him.  
-Yes! - Niall raises his arms victorious which makes me roll my eyes at him.  
I take my phone and find his name on my agenda. A simple “Lou” appears on the screen.  
Two beeps sound before his voice is heard from the other line.  
-Hi.  
I feel my face easing at his greeting, and I resist to smile because of the attentive stare Niall is giving me.  
-Hi. I’m here with Niall. -I urge myself to let him know.  
-Ok…- He answers, his voice cautious.  
-Hi, Louis. -Niall shouts close to my ear making me shut my eyes at the yelling.  
-Hi, Niall. - He says back.  
-He says hi. -I tell Niall and his smile grows.  
-Listen, we’re in some kind of romantical crisis, and we need your help.  
Niall stares at me nodding to every word I pronounce.  
-Are you in a romantical crisis? - Louis asks me emphasizing the word “you”.  
-No. -I shake my head even though he can’t see me. -I should reformulate the sentence. I mean Niall is in a romantical crisis and he needs your help.  
-Louis, mate, I need your help! -Niall comes back with his shouting.  
-Ok…- Louis replies.  
-Niall, please stop yelling. I’m sure he can hear you perfectly fine.  
Louis laughs at the other end of the phone call.  
-Actually, I would appreciate if he spoke a little bit louder.  
-Shut up. -I cut him. -You hear him.  
Louis keeps laughing.  
-Alright, so what’s the problem? -Louis asks.  
-The thing is…  
-Hold on a second. -he says and I stop talking. - Zayn, pause the game, you’re fucking cheating! - His voice sounds directed to another direction. -Yes, you are! I’m fucking watching you! – Some seconds pass by till I hear him again. -Alright, I’m all ears.  
-Are you with Zayn? -I forget about Niall’s problem.  
-Yeah, we have bumped into each other on my way to leave Clifford at my house, and he has invited me to his house.  
Niall drags his chair closer to me. -Is Zayn there? -he asks me, to which I nod. -Hi, Zayn! -Niall yells again at the phone, which happens to be still next to my ear.  
I take a deep breath and I move the phone away from my ear.  
-What have I just told you? -I ask Niall. -Stop yelling!  
-Sorry. -He apologises.  
I put the phone back at my ear and I hear Louis’ voice again.  
-Zayn says hi to both of you.  
-Zayn says hi. -I inform Niall. And again, he smiles.  
-Ok, this is getting out of hand. Listen, Niall has said to his girlfriend that he doesn’t want to meet her parents. And now, he doesn’t know how to fix it.  
-Does Niall have a girlfriend?  
-Yes, he…  
Niall takes my phone from my hand interrupting my speech.  
-What the…?- I mutter.  
-Louis, it’s not that I don’t want to meet her parents, it’s just that I got scared. -He justifies himself. He stops talking and listens to whatever Louis is saying. -Ok, but what would you expect if your boyfriend did that?  
I freeze at his words. Bloody hell. I take back my phone from his hand.  
-Don’t fucking take my phone like that ever again.  
-Hey! -He complains. -I was listening to your boyfriend’s advice.  
-Shut up, Shut up! -I urge him. This was not going how I expected. I knew I shouldn’t have called.  
-Harry? -Louis voice sounds confused. -Who am I talking to now?  
-It’s me. -I say trying to stay calm.  
-Why the hell is he asking me for such an advice? Tell Niall to stop being a baby and that he should call her and just apologise.  
-Hold on. -I was getting sick of being the messenger. -Tell him yourself.  
I pass the phone to Niall.  
They spend a couple of minutes talking till he gives me back my phone.  
-Lou? -I ask trying to figure out if he has already hung up.  
-My job is done. – He replies.  
-Thanks, and sorry. -I take a look at Niall who is now with his phone.  
-Don’t worry. And Harry?  
-Yep.  
-Did you like my letter?  
I turn around for Niall not to see my face at the change of subject.  
-I did. -I bite my bottom lip trying to control my smile. -A lot, actually.  
-I’m glad to hear that. -I can hear a restrained smile in his voice. -Listen, do you want to have dinner together?  
-Will you cook again? -I ask him sheepishly.  
-I’d rather not to. My repertory started and ended with that chicken. We could order some food, though.  
I can’t help but laugh.  
-Ok. Sounds good  
-Perfect. See you tonight, then.  
-Lou, would you make me a favour?  
-What?  
-Avenge me and crash Zayn at that game.  
-Done.  
***  
The doorbell rings exactly the moment I am tidying a little the living room. I finish it fluffing the pillows and I go straight to the door to open it.  
A smiley Louis is standing at the door waiting for me to let him come in. He’s wearing a green beanie that makes his eyes look so much lighter, adding up to it, he’s wearing an insulated down coat. I didn’t realize it was snowing until the moment I saw some snowflakes stuck at the strands of hair that were not covered by the beanie.  
-Hi. May I come in?  
I get self-conscious that I’ve been staring at him all this time. He must be freezing.  
-Shit. Sorry. Of course. -I move away for him to enter. -Are you cold?  
He huffs. -It’s fucking freezing outside. -He removes his jacket and his beanie to leave them on one of the hangers I had next to the door. Then, he shakes his hair before shortening the distance between the two of us. He’s standing so close, our faces are inches apart, but still, I just look at him and wonder how in this earth can someone look so cute with the hair dishevelled like that.  
I surround his body with my arms leaning into him. Our bodies come into contact and I feel his breathing against my neck. His hands are encircling my back. My senses are overwhelmed for a moment. I could never imagine how a hug could be this intimate. I turn my head to his neck, and I deposit a soft kiss against his skin. I notice a little shiver running through his body and he ends up breaking the cuddle.  
-How was your day? -I ask him.  
He gives me a shrug. -Good. Everything was pretty normal till I received a really strange but funny phone call.  
-Don’t you say. -I play along. I sit on the couch and grab a pillow to put it on my lap. Louis follows me and sits next to me.  
-And by the way, I avenged you. -He turns to me with a victorious smile.  
-You did? -I rest my head against his shoulder and his arm encircles me tugging me closer to him.  
-Nobody messes around with you.  
I let out a chuckle and I can’t help but roll my eyes at him.  
-What are you now? My bodyguard or something?  
He shrugs a little which makes me reaccommodate my body against him.  
-I’m a little hungry. -Louis says changing the subject.  
-What do you want to order?  
-Does Pizza sound good to you?  
-Sounds wonderful.  
Louis takes his phone to make the order and I follow with my eyes every move he’s making on the screen of his phone.  
-Fundamental question. -Louis says faintly moving his shoulder under me to get his attention.  
-Shoot.  
-Pineapple on pizza or not pineapple on pizza?  
-Not pineapple on pizza. -I answer with no doubt.  
-Correct answer.  
I laugh and Louis seems to forget about the phone when he turns his face to me and captures my lips in his. I reply to each and every one of his kisses. After a few minutes, he takes his phone again.  
-I’m going to order some food before I change my plans. -He resumes his scrolling and tapping on the phone.  
-Yeah, you better do that. -I stand up from the couch and heads to my bedroom.  
-Do you fancy a pepperoni? -Louis shouts at me when I’m about to get inside the room.  
-Ok.  
I take a look on my little table where my phone rests. I grab it and the idea hits. A bunch of white paper sheets are perfectly placed on the table, and some pens are scattered around. Embracing the idea, I take one piece of paper and a pen to start writing.

  
_Dear Louis._   
_Lately, I’ve been thinking about me, my path, my identity, and my music. And inexplicably, I always end up with the same thought on my mind. You._   
_I try to focus on other things, but then, I see your letter and I can hear your accent. I go to the kitchen and I see the cup of tea that once was mine, and now it’s only yours. I open my front door and I can’t help thinking that you bright up my life more than the sun._   
_I’ve always known there’s never something good if you don’t compare it with something bad. That’s how you know what’s good, right? And this place… you know it never felt like home. I guess I was just looking at it the wrong way. Home has never been a place. It was never supposed_   
_to be one. Home was always about the people. And home has turned out to be about you. I know that from this moment on, whenever I’m coming home, I’m coming home to you._   
_With all my love, H._

  
I bend the paper in two before I start to overthink it. Maybe I was exposing myself too much, but I meant every word I have written, and life is too short after all.  
-Fuck it. -I say under my breath. I hide the folded paper under my t-shirt, and I go back to the living room. Louis is still with his phone, and I take advantage of his diversion to walk straight to the hanger to put the paper sheet inside of one of the pockets of his jacket.


	14. Chapter 14

-You can’t be serious. -I speak the best I can while my mouth is full of lather. I spit at the sink and I look at Louis in the mirror. He’s next to me brushing his teeth while he looks at me nodding and widening his eyes trying to reaffirm his statement. He mumbles before he spits.  
-I’m serious. It’s all about a stupid trend that people follow for no reason. It’s just ridiculous.  
-You’re such a whiner. – I tease him.  
-I beg your pardon? I’m not such thing. It’s foolish to think that just because everybody says that some food is good, makes it actually good. Sushi is just not my thing.  
Concluding my tooth brushing, I fill my mouth with water, and I spit it. Finally, I take a towel to dry some of the drops that have fallen down my chin.  
-Alright, maybe it’s not your thing. But it is good. I like it. – I get out the bathroom with a last glimpse at Louis who is finishing his brushing. I’m already in my bedroom when I hear his response perfectly clear.  
-Of course, you do. -Louis says it quietly but loud enough for me to hear it despite his intentions.  
-I heard you! What do you mean by that? -I shout from my bedroom.  
-Nothing! -He shouts back from the bathroom.  
The bed is a muddle of sheets; however, I lay over it and I wrap myself under the cover feeling distempered because of the lack of clothes on. When I see Louis peeking out the door with an apologising smile, I quickly grab a cushion that it is next to me and I throw it to him.  
-I heard that, wanker! -Not that I was expecting a major result with my obviously threatening cushion, but I don’t even get it to brush him.  
-Sorry. -Louis jumps quickly on the bed and lets his body fall over mine. -Sorry, sorry. -He kisses me between apologises and tickles, which at the end, makes me cave in and I start laughing.  
I don’t know how much time we pass in bed when I am enlightened by don’t ask me what kind of mysterious force.  
-Shit! I totally forgot!  
-What? -Louis halts his kiss on a spot under my ear to look me in the eyes.  
-What time is it? -I ask him.  
Louis turns around to grab his phone which was resting on the nightstand at his side of the bed. He unlocks it and shows me the time.  
-Shit! - I shout jumping out of the bed. It’s almost 9 and I’m supposed to get in an uber to pick up my sister and go to my mum’s. -I have family lunch. -I briefly explain.  
I feel Louis’ eyes on me while I’m getting dressed. Nonetheless, I prevent myself form getting a glimpse of his shape covered by the blankets if I want to get out of this house on time.  
-You don’t mind if I leave you here, right?  
Louis shakes his head while he passes a hand through his hair.  
-Not at all. I’m having a shower and I’m out. I have to go to feed Clifford anyway.  
-Ok. -I take a little bag where I keep my wallet, my phone, and some other stuff. As I put my arms through the straps of the backpack, I lean towards Louis to kiss him one last time. However, Louis surrounds my neck drawing me to him and deepening the kiss.  
-Lou. -I call him while he keeps smooching my lips. -Shit. Don’t do that. -I try my best to spill out the words among all his kisses. -I’m in a hurry.  
He releases me from his arms, and I get to take a step back further from him.  
I point my finger accusatory towards him. -You’re going to get me killed. -I don’t even know what excuse I’m going to use for my tardiness.  
-Go, then.  
I turn around to get through the door, but as it only takes one more step for me to get out of the bedroom, I rethink the situation, today is going to be a long day, I need my last boost of energy after all. I turn around once again, and I shorten the distance between us putting both of my hands against his cheeks and I peck him slightly.  
-I love you. -I whisper against his lips. -Bye.  
I don’t wait for his response. This time, I don’t hesitate to run through the house till I get to the front door, as I open it, I hear him shouting from my bedroom.  
-Bye!  
***  
I’ve been waiting for an uber 15 minutes. That happens when you have just remembered you should be in almost the other part of the country by lunch time. Almost three hours of trip are what were waiting for me, not forgetting the reproaches I would receive from my sister due to my lateness.  
As the uber gets to her street, I see her standing on the pavement wearing a huge fluffy coat. As she sees the uber, she gets closer trying to see who’s inside the car. The moment she sees me, I ask the driver to stop the car and Gemma gets in.  
-What is wrong with you? - She struggles to take off her coat once she’s inside of the car. I move away from her to avoid being elbowed.  
-I’m sorry. -I apologise.  
-I’ve been waiting for you for almost 40 minutes on the street. I don’t know if you’ve realized but it’s fucking freezing outside.  
-You should’ve gotten back inside. I would’ve called you to let you know I was already here. -I shrug slightly looking straight to the road, but I sense her gaze on me like a psychopath about to murder someone.  
-Ok. -I desist. - I’m really sorry. I overslept. -I move closer to Gemma for the driver not to hear me and I whisper at her ear. – And the uber was late. -I get back to my seat with an expression that said, “What do you want me to do?”. But all Gemma does is roll her eyes at me.  
-Bullshit. Don’t make weak excuses, Harry.  
We spend the rest of the road trip talking about her job and I tell her how it went my first performance at the pub. By the time we get to our mum’s, we’re both starving.  
We knock the door, and our mum doesn’t take even ten seconds to open it.  
-Hi. -We greet her at the same time.  
She receives us with a huge smile and leaves us space for us to come in. The aroma of cooked food is all over the place and I sniff pleasantly, my mouth waters at the simple idea of eating.  
-Oh my god, mum! It smells so fucking good. What have you prepared?  
-Language! -She scolds me but at the next seconds her smile is back on her face. -I’ve just finished cooking. I thought you were coming sooner but turns out you’re just on time to have lunch. Good technic both of you have for not helping in the kitchen.  
-It’s not on me, mum! -Gemma says going upstairs. She leans over the railing to take a look down where we were and points at me accusatory. -I was waiting for this idiot for almost an hour.  
-Shut up, sniveller!  
Gemma gasps at my insult and squint her eyes at me. I look at her defiantly waiting for her to fire back, but it seems like nothing comes to her mind. A smirk shows up on my face and that makes her more furious.  
-Leave your sister alone and come to the kitchen! -My mum elbows me and I follow her.  
There are dishes all over the countertop. The oven is on, and the stronger smell of cooked food makes my stomach growl.  
-Take a knife and peel those oranges. -She orders me, and so, I do. -I’m going to make an orange cake.  
-Mum, don’t you think there are already enough food for the three of us? -I ask grabbing the first orange.  
-You can take the leftovers for the rest of the week. I can’t even imagine how the fuck you’re feeding yourself.  
-Hey, you just swore! -I reproach her tilting my head at her direction.  
-Well, I’m the mom, therefore, I can swear as much as I like.  
I leave a soft chuckle while I keep up with my task.  
-Besides, I’m not doing that bad. I can cook some. -I defend myself.  
She looks at me askance.  
-I do! I really do! I’m feeling insulted, mother! – I put a hand on my chest pretending that my ego has been hurt.  
She keeps doing whatever she’s doing while she laughs at my reaction.  
-My own mother…- I banter. At that moment, my phone rings inside my backpack, and I wash my hands quickly before I take it and accept the call without looking who is calling.  
-I apologize for the blunt delivery. -A familiar voice sounds at the other line of the phone. I squint my eyes confused and I take a quick look at the screen.  
-Louis?  
-I’m sorry to interrupt your family time. But I need to tell you. -He talks abruptly. As if he couldn’t hold his words inside anymore.  
-What?  
-I’m in love with you. -I get tongue-tied at his words. The shock in my face is clear since my mum has come from pretending that she’s not listening to my conversation to now watch me deliberately. -I don’t really know why I’m calling you to tell you this. -He lets out a nervous chuckle. -But I just read your letter, and I’m in love with you. -He sighs at the end. Fuck.  
I feel like my chest might explode right now. I get out of the kitchen under the attentive gaze of my mum without explanation. I run up the stairs, bumping into my sister on the way, who makes a comment that I don't even bother to hear. I get to my old bedroom and I close the door behind me resting my back against it.  
-I love you. -I whisper relishing the sound of the sentence. Meaning every word.  
There’s silence on the other end till he speaks again.  
-I thought you hung up. -Louis sounds relieved.  
-I would never. -I try to calm my heart from pumping so fast. -You liked it, then? -A nervous laugh escapes.  
-Very much.  
-Wasn’t it too much? -I get suddenly coy.  
-You tell me. Did you mean everything you say?  
-I did.  
-Then, it’s not too much.  
And just like that, I’m smiling like a fool.  
***  
I put a piece of chicken in my mouth, and I would have enjoyed it if I didn't have my mother and sister drilling me with their eyes.  
-What? - I ask them dropping the fork defeated.  
Each one is at one side of the table, however both heads are pointing at me. My mum is looking at me as if she didn’t know how to tell me a secret she has been keeping for years. A very different look from my sister’s whose face was showing contained emotion.  
-Are you going to tell us what’s going on in your life or do we have to guess? - Gemma asks bluntly.  
I decide not to reply putting another piece of chicken in my mouth.  
-So, we have to guess, then. -Gemma says as if the answer was clear. -Let’s analyse everything, shall we? -She looks at my mum looking for support and I follow her gaze sideways. - We’ve caught numerous times how your face changes when you answer your phone, so we take for granted that it’s due to the same person. That is already pretty outstanding, don’t you think? - She makes a pause and I only stare at her attentive. - But now…-She makes a gesture with her hands as if saying “there’s more” - You just run to your room the moment you receive a call. Suspicious.  
-If you don’t want to tell us, it’s ok, Harry. - My mum eases the atmosphere placing a hand on Gemma’s arm to make her stop. -You look happy. That’s all that matters.  
I let out a blow, overwhelmed by their intervention.  
-It’s not that I don’t want to tell you. -I give in. -It’s complicated. This is new for me. It feels like this is the good one.  
-Oh my god! I knew it! -Gemma shouts thrilled.  
-Is this all about this Louis? - My mum asks me leaving me speechless. How does she know? My face must reveal the cluelessness that I ‘m feeling right now because she continues to explain. -You said his name when you picked up the phone. It’s a pretty name, by the way. - She says taking a sip of wine from her glass as if it wasn’t a big deal.  
-Do we have a name? -Gemma is getting annoyingly excited. - We have a name!  
-Seriously, stop. - I tell her.  
-Hey! Let me be excited! I need drama in my life and my little brother is in love!  
I roll my eyes.  
-Ok, yes. I’ve met a boy. His name is Louis, and everything is going pretty well. -I tell them.  
-Is he from your workplace? -My mum asks me.  
-Yeah. -I take another bite from my dish and I start chewing trying to gain time to think what to say next. -He’s a musician too.  
My mum nods approvingly.  
-I want to meet him. -Gemma says out of the blue.  
-What you want is to shut your mouth. -I fireback.  
-Fuck you. -I obviate his attack as I smirk at her.  
-I want to meet him too. – My mum also says.  
-Oh my god! -I say. Unbelievable.  
-Why are you always hiding away when it comes to him? -Gemma asks taking a piece of chicken. The question makes me think. I didn’t intend to do so. I didn’t want it to be a secret at all.  
-I don’t know. Maybe it’s a way to protect the relationship. To keep it intact. -I answer honestly.  
-Well, let me tell you that here you have people who support you no matter what. You can be open.  
-Thanks. -And I really appreciate her words.


	15. Chapter 15

I push the rehearsal room door with my foot as I try my best to keep Louis steady over my back. My hands are busy holding his legs around my hip and his head is leaned over the hollow of my neck.  
-I don’t understand how I’ve turned into a horse if we made it pretty clear that I was a princess, Lou.  
-Well, now you’re a horse, Harold. Keep up.  
I keep running with his body on me, and when I’m about to open a second door, my steps freeze when he whispers against my ear.  
-And you better be a good horse if you want me to keep riding you later.  
I look over my shoulder widening my eyes to get a glimpse of him. He’s all cheeky smiles and defiant looks.  
-I better be good, then. -I reply biting my bottom lip, movement that is followed by his eyes and I feel him twitching on top of me trying to readjust his boner. -Don’t get too excited, honey. -I tease him.  
When I open the door, Niall, Liam, and Zayn are already there.  
-Thank god you’re already here. -Niall claims standing up and getting closer to us as I put Louis down on the floor. -I don’t understand these two. -He points his head towards Liam and Zayn, but they’re too caught up in their own world to even notice Niall is talking about them. -They fight for two minutes and then they start making out for other two. I don’t even distinguish when they’re doing one thing or the other anymore.  
-Ok, ok… -Louis says loudly clapping both his hands which get the attention of everyone in the room. -You two- he points at Zayn and Liam who they look at him furrowing their eyebrows. -Cut the cackle!  
-You say… the one who can’t keep his hand off his sweetheart. -Liam replies.  
-That makes me your sweetheart, Liam? -Zayn asks him quietly but loud enough for us to hear.  
We all burst laughing. Louis sits next to Zayn on the couch where the couple is laying.  
-Of course, it does, Malik. -Louis answers his question petting his hair mockingly.  
Niall and I get closer to them and as I approach them, Louis slaps his lap encouraging me to sit on him, which I do.  
-What songs are you going to choose for this week, guys? -I ask them resting my head against Louis’ chest.  
-I haven’t chosen yet. -Liam replies.  
-I have! -Niall shouts and he runs towards the first guitar he finds.  
-I’m between two songs, you could help me decide. -Louis says against my ear, which makes me feel goosebumps all over my body.  
-Ok. -I mumble nodding slightly only for him.  
-We should decide first the group songs. I have some ideas, there are two songs wandering on my mind. -Zayn says.  
-Oh, yes! I’ve listened to them already. -Liam explains. -They would sound amazing with our voices.  
-He likes everything I show him. -Zayn says pleased by Liam’s words, faking superiority.  
-Everything, everything… - Liam babbles with a wicked smile.  
I let out a loud chuckle getting the reference. Niall burst laughing too and shyly, Zayn covers his face with his hand but Louis whispers something to him that I don’t get to hear, and both start laughing loudly.  
-What did you just say? -I ask him patting his arm.  
-Nothing. Don’t worry about it, sunshine.  
We spend hours rehearsing the two songs that Zayn suggested before we take a break. We are all laying on the carpet surrounded by speakers and the microphones are all forgotten on a pile on the ground. Silence never takes place, if it’s not Louis being loud, it’s Niall laughing at everything Louis does.  
-I’m going to go buy a coke. Anybody else wants? - Liam offers as he stands up.  
We all raises our hands.  
-Five cokes then, Got it!  
-I’m coming with you. -Zayn says quickly standing up as well.  
***  
Liam and Zayn get out of the rehearsal’s room closing the door behind them. The hallway is empty, is that so, that literally you couldn’t even hear a fly.  
They walk side by side through the hallway towards the vending machine just a few meters away, but when they are about to pass the restroom’s door, Zayn touches Liam’s arm to get his attention and with a slight movement of his head points to the door.  
-Follow me. -Zayn whispers.  
Zayn opens the door and Liam goes in after him. No time passes by when Zayn pushes Liam against the door all of a sudden. There’s no time for Liam to recover from the surprise. Zayn’s mouth is all over him devouring his lips.  
-Zayn…- Liam mumbles between kisses. -Someone could enter.  
-I’m just kissing you. -He moves his lips to his neck. - And you’re not even appreciating it.  
That seems to trigger Liam who pushes his width against Zayn’s body making him turn around to now leave him standing between the door and Liam’s body.  
-I’m totally appreciating it. -Liam captures his mouth and sucks his bottom lip, leaving Zayn gasping for air. Their tongues get in touch when they open their mouth for each other.  
Suddenly, the door opens hitting Zayn’s head in its way and ending up stuck because of the two bodies pressed against it.  
-What the fuck? - A voice at the other side of the door is heard and Liam and Zayn quickly move away from it, ending up each one of them in a different corner of the bathroom. When the door opens, Niall comes in and takes a look at both of them reading their expressions on their faces.  
-Really? In here too? -Niall rolls his eyes and with no more to say he enters in one of the cubicles.  
-Fuck! - Zayn laughs putting a hand on his chest meanwhile, Liam leaves out the air he was holding.  
-Did I scare you? - Niall chuckles. -Did you already get my coke? -Niall shouts from the cubicle he’s in.  
-No, we didn’t. -Zayn replies from the other side. -But we’re on it.  
-Ok! Thanks, Zayn! By the way, I would appreciate it if I stopped witnessing your public display of affection.  
-It wasn’t even a public display of affection! -Liam says frowning. -And why do you care so much?  
-It is public when you’re in a public restroom, Liam! And I don’t give a fuck about seeing you two kissing. You’re cute as fuck, but I’m starting to feel like a third wheeler.  
-Don’t worry. You won’t. - Zayn says putting an end to the conversations they’re having between polyamide walls. He puts a hand on Liam’s back to lead him out of the bathroom.  
Once they’re out, they head to the vending machine.  
-Help me with these. -Liam inserts the coins and takes three of the coke cans the machine has spilled out to hand it to Zayn. He places them the best he can in his arms while Liam keeps inserting the rest of the coins to get the two left.  
-Well, look at you guys! Working hand in hand. I thought you hated each other! - Martin appears from nowhere and stops to look at them. -You even look like friends. -He laughs. Nonetheless, none of the boys do the same, at the contrary, both of them turn to see him with a poker face.  
-Well, you see… Things change. -Liam replies dryly.  
-Well, as long as you don’t get too close. -Martin keeps laughing at his own joke. – I’ll come around later to see how you’re doing. I want to know what songs you have chosen for this week. -And said that, he keeps walking and disappears through one of the doors.  
-That guy is an asshole. -Zayn huffs. -Take those two cans, and let’s go back, Liam.  
***  
We finish our cokes while we mess around on the carpet. Liam and Zayn have become inseparable, their legs are tangled up and the only times that Zayn realizes that there are three other people in the room is when he jokes around with Louis.  
-Guys, guys! - Niall call us excited. -I’ve changed the tune of my song. What do you think?  
He plays for us and it honestly sounds so good.  
-It’s very good. -Liam answers.  
-Right? Ok… I’m going to leave it like this. -He stands up quickly to grab his notebook and he starts writing.  
-Can I show you mine too? -I ask them.  
-For fuck’s sake, Harold, of course you can. -Louis replies pinching me slightly on my thigh. I mock him shrinking my nose at his bluntness.  
We all end up performing for each other, making the carpet our stage and a guitar our only companionship while singing. It’s when Liam is about to finish his song that the door opens, and Martin comes in. Liam’s voice starts to fade as we get aware of his presence.  
-That’s good, boy. I like it. -Martin claims approaching the circle we built.  
-Thanks. -Liam says finishing the song before it actually arrives to its end.  
-I came here to talk about the music for this week, but I see you did a good choice with that song. It suits you. Nonetheless, I should’ve come along earlier. This is a list with all the songs you’re performing this Friday. -We all look at him as if all that was a bad joke. Turns out it isn’t. -Well, once said that, I would like to talk to Louis privately. So, if you don’t mind… -Martin turns to look at Lou. I don’t realize that I become still till I feel Louis tensing up as well next to me.  
-Hmm.. Sure. -He says standing up and following Martin out of the room.  
We all remain silent for a while when the door closes.  
-What’s that all about? - Zayn asks finally.  
-I don’t know. - I answer honestly.  
We do nothing for the rest of the evening, we look at the new songs that are for each one of us. Complains are all over the place. We cannot believe he let us work all day for nothing. The mood is falling off quickly. Niall doesn’t stop yawning and Zayn is literally falling asleep supporting his body against Liam’s back.  
-I think we could call it a day. -Liam says.  
-Yes! -Zayn agrees raising his head excited with the idea.  
-I agree. -Niall says. -I’m done with this shit for today.  
I’m actually pretty tired, and we have done nothing meaningful in the past twenty minutes. The fact that Louis hasn’t come back yet is not helping me at all. I don’t know what Martin had to tell him, but the protective side that I didn’t know I had, is shouting at me that even five minutes are enough to say whatever he has to say to him.  
-Ok. Let’s wrap it up, then.  
It takes us five minutes to put everything back in its place and leave the room. Once we are all out of the building, I halt my walking which makes the boys stop as well and look at me.  
-I’m waiting for Louis. -I let them know.  
The three of them nod in understanding and they say goodbye before Niall starts walking in one direction, and Liam and Zayn into the other.  
The street is not very crowded, but I spend my time observing the people that walk pass me. The street lighting has already been turned on, there is not much time left for the sun to set and the low temperatures are kicking in and they are making my muscles tense. I lean against the wall besides the door getting my hands inside my pockets to try to keep them warm. My breathing is leaving clouds of steam all around me and I’m starting to feel my nose freeze. I must be looking like Rudolf by now. Suddenly the door opens, and Louis shows up. He gets hit cold by a blow of wind and he zips his jacket up getting his neck covered up.  
-Hey. -I move away from the wall to get closer to him.  
-Hey, I thought you left.  
-No, of course not. I was waiting for you. Is everything alright? What did he want? -The curiosity was killing me, but Louis simply shakes his head, and we start walking.  
-Nothing, really.  
-So, is everything alright? - My frow is pretty clear on my face. How could Martin not want anything when he has been in there with him for thirty minutes? Louis looks up from the ground to my face and shows me a smile that I don’t finish to buy.  
-Everything is great. -Louis puts an arm around my shoulder getting me closer to him. -You’re freezing, Haz. -I’m aware he’s trying to change the subject, but I appreciate his closeness as I was starting to not feel my face.  
-Are you sure? - I insist.  
-Everything is fucking great. -Louis rubs his fingers against my jacket in a comforting way and we keep walking following the way to my house.


	16. Chapter 16

The living room is warm enough for us to be comfortable, nonetheless, Louis and I are laying in different sides of the couch and wrapped up in two fluffy blankets. Clifford, who we had to picked up since Louis is spending the night at my house, has declared that the free space left between us belongs to him. So here we are all three, feeling cosy with a pair of cuppas and the humming sound of the TV in the background.  
We are both with our phones when all of a sudden, they both make a sound showing a notification. Niall has just texted on our group chat we created to plan the trip to the beach. It has been pretty silent since then, and looking back, considering the trip meant the beginning of my relationship with Louis, it feels like ages ago. The name’s group chat has changed from “make-up trip” to just a simple “The boys”, both names under the authorship of the great Nialler.  
-Is he even serious? - I hear Louis mumbles while types on his phone. -Have you read what Niall has just asked?  
And then it is when I open the chat.

  
Nialler: Boyyyyys I need your heeeeelp urgentlyyyyy.  
What’s the longest river in Europe?

  
Liam: ….

  
Lou: Hold on, I actually know this one.

  
Nialler: Really????

  
Lou: No, of course not, Niall. Why are you even asking this here? You literally have a phone in your hands with something that is called Google.

Does it sound familiar to you?

  
Zayn: What’s happening?????

  
Nialler: Shit, that’s right!!!!

  
Why do you need to know that?

Nialler: I’m playing a game with Liv.

  
Lou: Is she your girlfriend? Poor girl, what she has to go through…

  
Nialler: Shut up

  
Hahahahahahaha

  
Zayn: Guys!!! Our dog has just pissed on Liam hahaha

  
Nialler: You two have a dog now?

  
Zayn: Just a sec, I’m gonna help him.

  
Lou: What just happened to those two?

  
Louuuu, I want to play a game now. Do you fancy some scabble???

  
Lou: Harry, what are you even talking about?

  
Nialler: Uhhhh, Louis be a good boyfriend and go play with Harry.

  
Lou: Too busy, sorry.

  
I’m literally next to youuuu

  
Nialler: Harry, I would play with you.

  
I know, Niall. You know I love youuuu, right???

  
Lou: Ok…

  
Nialler: Jealous… :S

  
I’m going to end up convincing you Lou, you know it!!!!  
I just need my charming curls to seduce you.

  
Nialler: hahhahahaha

  
Liam: I’ve survived!!!!! Look at our cute puppy!!!!

  
Nialler: Let me seeeeee!!!!

  
Liam: It doesn’t load.

  
Zayn: My wi-fi is shit.

  
Liam: Anyways, he’s cute as fuck.

  
Lou: How come you have a dog now? We have Clifford, he’s cutter for sureeee.

  
Nialler: Who’s Clifford?

  
Lou: Our dog.

  
Nialler: You two have a dog too??????

  
Liam: The fucking photo doesn’t load!!!!! Zayn!!!! You need better internet connection!!!

  
Zayn: You want to pay for it???

  
Liam: I have to prove that our dog is cutter!!!!  
I’m trying to do a statement over here, Zayn.

  
Don’t even bother Liam hahahahaha

  
Nialler: What is this thing with dogs? Should I get one too?

  
Lou: Zayn doesn’t have money for that, but he does to buy every console existent.

Hahahahaha

  
Zayn: Shut up, you’re just a bad loser!

  
Liam: Louis is right.

  
Zayn: Oh my god, Liam!!!! As if you didn’t like my videogames…

  
Wait up, Louis told me he won :O

  
Lou: I did win!!!!! Zayn!!! Take that back!!!!

  
Zayn: Harry, he’s lying to you. I crushed him.

  
Lou: I am not, you asshole. It was me who crushed you.

  
I don’t trust anybody anymore.

  
Liam: Who are you calling asshole??

  
Lou: Oh my god!!!!! Are you serious??? What are you now??? His bodyguard??

  
Nialler: Guys, I have to go! Liv is giving me eyes because I’m with the phone.

  
Niall, don’t cheaaat!!!  
You have to play fair!!!! You are better than these twooooo

  
Lou: You’re playing against her and you don’t even hide your phone???

That offended me Harold.

  
Get over it!

  
Nialler: It’s not my fault you don’t stop texting!!!!!

  
Lou: hahahahahaha please guys let’s continue talking.

So Liam… describe your cute dog…

  
Nialler: Fuck off, you weren’t even useful.

  
Lou: hahahahahaha

  
Zayn: Guys, I’m out. See ya tomorrow.

  
Nialler: That’s what I’m talking about Thanks Zayn. See yaaa!!!

  
Liam: Bye!!!

  
Lou: You too, Payno???

  
Liam: Yeah, sorry mate!!!

  
See you tomorroooow, guyssss

  
Lou: I’m done with all of you.


	17. Chapter 17

I wake up with Louis in my arms. Not a bad way to start the day. Not bad at all. I get up after giving him a soft kiss on his head, which makes him growl a little in his sleep. He’s so fucking cute. As I get out of the room, Clifford is already at my feet jumping excited for seeing me.  
-Hey, boy! Are you hungry? -He confirms it with a bark. -Shh! You’re going to wake up dad. Come on!  
He follows me to the kitchen, and I change his water and I refill his food. That keeps him busy long enough for me to go and grab my earphones. The speakers’ option is ruled out to avoid waking Louis up, so I take my phone and play “Dancing queen” by ABBA. Just the beginning of the song gets me in the mood. I start dancing around while I take a pan and I turn on the kettle. Out of the corner of my eyes, I catch Clifford’s stare and I turn to look at him to put a funny face sticking my tongue out. I can’t hear his bark, but I know he does so I hush him again, however he doesn’t give a shit about my order and he gets out of the kitchen. I muffle a chuckle. I would’ve done the same, boy.  
I take two eggs from the fridge and I splash them against the pan. I sing along when the song gets to the chorus and seconds later, I feel Clifford’s shape again at my feet.  
-What’s up now, Cliff? -I take off one of my earphones to greet him scratching his head. But then, I hear someone cuffing behind me. I turn around to see Louis wearing a grey sweatshirt I lent him last night.  
-You’re awake! -I come closer to kiss him in the lips.  
-What are you listening to? -He asks me yawning and scratching his head.  
-ABBA. -I tell him returning again to the cooking. -I’m making breakfast. Here’s your tea. -I pour some milk and pass his cup with little drawings to him.  
Louis comes to where I’m standing, and he surrounds me from my back.  
-Thank you. -He says whispering against my ear and slightly pecking me on the back my neck. -Are you frying eggs?  
-Yes, I’m making toasts.  
-Sounds good. -I turn around and I wrap my arms around his waist, and he holds me closer.  
-Glad you like it. -I tell him.  
Louis stands up on his tiptoes to get his lips in contact with mine and I finish the distance to catch them.  
-Good morning. -Louis says. And I melt right away with his grin and glistening eyes.  
-Good morning.  
***  
Louis and I arrive at rehearsals slightly wet because it started raining around two hours ago. Niall and Liam are already here but they are too focused on their own world to realize we’re here.  
-Hey, guys! -Louis greets them. They just look at us and they greet us with a nod of their heads.  
-What are you so caught up in? -I ask them.  
-We’re studying the new songs. -Niall explains and a second later, he drops his notebook with a thud wearing a furious look. -I can’t believe he has made us change every fucking song.  
-I know. -I tell him. -Have you started with the arrangements for the guitar?  
-No. -He answers quickly getting back to his notebook. -I’m studying the lyrics first.  
-Where’s Zayn? - Louis asks Liam who just shrug as a response.  
-I left his house this morning, he wanted some alone time to draw. And I had to do a few things anyways. He’s just late, he’s always late.  
We all start working in our songs, specifically we’re reading the lyrics and the silence in the room is totally unexpected. It only gets broken when the door opens, and Zayn comes in.  
-It was about time. -Liam exclaims.  
-Sorry. -He apologises taking off his jacket. -What are you doing? This silence is scary.  
-Oh, don’t worry about it. It won’t last long -Niall says laughing and grabbing a guitar from its stand.  
I’m too focused on my lyrics to get to see what the others are doing. The song Martin has chosen for me couldn’t be more different than what I tend to sing. The lyrics mean nothing to me, I can’t even understand if the song is just talking about sex or a fucking dog. Which makes it a little perturbing to be honest.  
-You look cute when you concentrate.  
Louis gets my total attention and I forget instantly what I was reading.  
-You look like you’re angry with that frown on your face and that curl on your lips. -He tries to imitate my expression for me to see it, nonetheless, I think his attempt gets more comical than realistic.  
-I don’t look like that at all.  
-Yes, you do. -He laughs enjoying my annoyance.  
-No, I don’t. -Louis gets closer to me and deposits a soft kiss on my lips.  
-You’re cute. -He says rubbing his nose against mine. I try my best no to bush but I think it’s inevitable.  
-These lyrics are a nightmare. -I tell him changing the subject.  
-Why? - He asks taking the notebook and he starts reading. -I observe his expression and I totally get how his mouth twitch in disgust. -Yes, well, they are awful.  
His confirmation only gets me more frustrated about it.  
-I can’t sing this song, Lou. I will ask Martin If I can change it.  
I sense that Louis tenses next to me, but he tries his best to hide it.  
-I can accompany you. -He says.  
I shake my head. -No, I’m going to try to work this song out. If by the end of the evening I haven’t gotten anything good, I will go talk to him.  
-Good luck, then.  
After an hour of individual work, we agree that we should focus on the group songs. Even if it’s not the first song we sing together, it never stops surprising me how good we sound together. The ability of harmonizing each other to make the solos sound fuller and brighter never stops astounding me.  
We are all sitting on the carpet with Louis next to me. The need I feel to get my body in contact with his is quite tempting, and due to the lack of space between us, I can’t resist giving in.  
-Can I do this? -I ask him placing my legs over his lap.  
-I don’t mind. -He says smiling at me.  
We keep singing over and over again the same song till we make clear everyone’s turn to sing. We perfectionate the timing and we adapt the pitch for each of us. By the time we try for the first time the second song, Martin gets in the room.  
-Hi, guys.  
We all stop to look at him.  
-Just wanted to make sure everything was in line and to remind you that every technical detail you’d like to discuss, you must report them before Friday.  
We all nod. Martin nods as well and when we think he’s already leaving; he turns around and points at me and Louis.  
-You two have become too good friends? Don’t you? -He’s staring at my legs and then his eyes focus on our faces. -I mean, I’m glad you two get along that well, but people could misunderstand your friendship.  
What the fuck? Who does he think he is to say this? I study his face and I get some aura of superiority I don’t like a bit.  
-Pardon? -I ask him incredulous. -There’s nothing to misunderstand. It is what it is.  
-Oh, so you two…-Martin says pointing at us again. I’m getting tired of giving explanations to this guy. -That’s quite unfortunate.  
The surprise in all of our faces is clear.  
-Excuse me?  
-Nothing, nothing. Keep up with the hard work. -He disappears before I can process everything.  
-What the fuck is wrong with that guy? -Niall asks.  
-He doesn’t rest to fuck us up, does he? -Zayn asks clearly irritated.  
I really don’t know what just happened, but I don’t let it get under my skin. There are assholes everywhere after all.  
***  
This song is shit. As simple as that. There’s nothing I can do to it, so, even if I don’t want to see Martin’s face after what has happened, the thought of me singing this song for the rest of the week is even more unpleasant.  
-Hey! Have you fixed your song? - Louis asks me approaching to me.  
-It’s impossible. I’m going to talk to Martin.  
Louis looks at me as if I had lost my mind.  
-After what he said to us?  
-Louis, it’s the last thing I want to do, but this song…  
-Let me go with you.  
-No, I just want another song. It’s not a big deal. -Louis looks at me with an expression that unsettles me. -Are you ok? With all he said?  
-Yes, I’m fine.  
To be honest, I can see some sadness in his eyes, and even though I am trying to ignore the offense, Martin’s words had gotten stuck in my head. If I am about to see Martin again, I don’t want Louis to have to hear the same bullshit he heard before.  
I go to Martin’s office and I knock at the door before he shouts for me to come in.  
I open the door cautiously; I poke out my head and I see Martin sitting behind his desk. He makes me a sign to come in.  
His deck is full of papers, everything is disordered. The keyboard of the computer is all covered by more sheets of paper. And at the edge of the desk, there is a monitor which has caught up all his attention.  
-Sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to talk about my song you’ve chosen.  
-What is it? -He talks to me without tuning his gaze at me.  
-I think it’s not a song that really fits me. I was wondering if I could have another one or at least change some lyrics of the song.  
-What is wrong with the song?  
What is wrong with the song? Everything, perhaps? The pride I feel that it’s coming out of his pores is making me feel uncomfortable. He hasn’t looked at me yet. So, I decide to shorten our meeting the most I can.  
-Nothing really. But if you could just give me another song, I would appreciate it.  
-Let me think about it. Meanwhile, work on what you have.  
I get the feeling that means “you’re fucking staying with your song”.  
I don’t know why I hoped he would change my song. I’m getting to know him better now, and I should’ve realized it wouldn’t be that easy to convince him.  
-Harry, by the way…-I turn to look at him again when I was about to get out of his office. He finally deigns to look at me. -I’d appreciate if you kept your hands out of you colleague. It’s not very professional.  
I don’t let him see the shock I’m feeling right now. Unconsciously, I thank that Louis is not here right now.  
-He’s not just my colleague. He’s my boyfriend, and what we do is none of your business.  
-Well, let me tell you it is when it could cost me money. Don’t you see that it affects your image?  
I pretend to consider his words tilting my head one side. He could’ve kept looking at his computer after all. I grab the handle and I open the door.  
-As I said, It’s none of your fucking business.


	18. Chapter 18

It takes me till the next morning to cool down after my conversation with Martin. I still can’t believe I had to hear all the bullshit that came out from his mouth. The disgust I felt in that moment was fucking real. When I got out of the building and I saw Louis waiting for me, the feeling eased a little, but I was still angry not just because of his evident homophobia but also the fact that he was reticent about changing my song.  
-Hey, are you ok? Did something happen with Martin? - Louis asks me with a really concerned look on his face. He was pouring some coffee in his mug.  
-I’m fine. -I calm him down. -It’s just that he didn’t seem very willing to change my songs. Not even the fucking lyrics.  
-Did he say no directly? -I roll my eyes at the question.  
-He didn’t have to. It was clearly a no. You should’ve seen him. -Well, actually I was thankful he didn’t see him nor listened to him. I keep myself from telling him how it went the end of our discussion. It wasn’t even worth it telling him.  
-Well, don’t worry. Just sing it and forget about it. It’s just a song.  
-I know. -I let out a frustrated huff.  
I get a glimpse of the weather poking out my head through the window. It isn’t raining, but I think it could start at any second. The sky has turned out to a grey colour that makes pretty clear that today the temperature is dropping. I got directly to the heater to turn it on. The house is freaking freezing. Clifford is laying down on the sofa, curled up in a fluffy blanket. When he gets aware, we’re already awake, he jumps out of it to say good morning to us. Clifford goes directly to jump at Louis, and he greets him lovingly.  
-Hello boy. Did you sleep well? - He puts a hand on his flank, and he gives him a belly scratch.  
Clifford barks as a yes and when Louis stops directing his attention to him, Clifford comes running to me and he lays on the floor waiting for me to keep scratching his belly.  
-What am I? Your second choice? -I ask Clifford but he doesn’t seem to be very affected by my words because he stays in the same spot staring at me with… well…yes, puppy eyes, indeed. -Ok… fine, you win. -As I scratch him, I hear Louis laughing at me. I turn to look at him.  
-Don’t laugh.  
-What do you want me to say? -He keeps laughing. -I’m his favourite. - He shrugs.  
-Ha, that’s just because you raised him. Give me more time to spoil him like you do, and he will adore me.  
-Good luck with that. -He raises his eyebrows playfully while he takes a sip to his mug.  
I take the other mug Louis prepared and I head to my bedroom to change my clothes. I choose a simple jean and a black sweater.  
-Harry! -Louis calls me from the kitchen and once I put my white Vans on, I go to the living room and I see him leaning against the table kitchen looking at his phone.  
-What?  
-I have to head out. I just got a message that I’m receiving a package at my apartment. -He puts his phone in his pocket and he gets closer to me. He rounds my body with his arms, and I lean towards him for him to kiss me. Then, he plays with my lips as I open my mouth for him. I let go myself in the feeling of his tongue against mine. When he moves away from me with a last suck on my bottom lip, I keep my eyes close and I shake my head. -See you later. -I hear him say.  
-No, just a little more. -I whine as I get closer to him. He gives in to one more kiss. I smile against his mouth and I feel he’s smiling too.  
-Harry, I have to go. -He laughs. The sound of it makes my chest vibrate.  
-Ok. -I let him go.  
Louis grabs his jacket to put it on and as he gets closer to the door, Clifford runs towards him. Louis bends to pet his head.  
-I’ll be back soon, boy. -Then, he looks at me and before he disappears through the door, he winks at me -See ya, lad.  
His goodbye makes me chuckle and with a what I know it’s a smirk on my face, I say back -See you, lad.  
When the door closes behind him, I turn to Clifford and I see he’s staring at me.  
-I guess it’s only the two of us now, Cliff. -I clap my hands together and he looks at me attentively. -Are you hungry? Come on. -I go to the kitchen and Clifford follows me as if he knew what he’s going to get. -Let’s see what Lou has here that I can use for you to like me more… -I open the cupboard where Louis kept all the goodies for Clifford. I find some cookies for dogs that seem to be very tasty even for humans. -Look what’s here, Cliff!  
Clifford barks excited to get his favourite food. I take one cookie and I give it to him. He takes it happy and chews it in a matter of seconds. Once, he’s eaten it, he looks at me expectant for more.  
-No, no. That’s enough. -Clifford barks again as if he didn’t agree with me. -I said no. Here. -I take the bowl with water and I refill it with fresh water. – See? Fresh water! -I point at it enthused. Nonetheless, Clifford doesn’t seem as happy as me. -Fuck. -I babble. – I won’t become your favourite this way, will I? – Clifford keeps looking at me. -Oh my god, I’m weak. -I say to myself. -Ok. -I tell him. -One more. And that’s it.  
I take another cookie and Clifford again gets thrilled about it. I give it to him and It’s so easy to appease him that I know I will end up spoiling him more than Lou does.  
I get out of the kitchen before I give him any more chances to look at me with begging eyes. I get my phone to connect it to the speakers and I play my favourite playlist.  
There’s not much to do this morning, so I decide to clean a little. Clifford follows me everywhere I go, and he keeps looking at me as I dance around the house.  
-Cliff! Why are you looking at me like that? Do you want to dance with me? -I get closer to him which seems to get him nervous and he starts jumping in front of me. I take his paws and I start to move him around as I move to the rhythm of the song. At first, he doesn’t seem to care, but after some seconds he refuses to keep giving me his paws. -Ok, ok. -I let him go, and he runs towards the sofa to sit on it. -You’re getting lazy, Cliff.  
He barks as if saying “I give two fucks about it”. And even if I made up the meaning of his bark, it totally could be the case.  
I keep cleaning till the doorbell sounds. Clifford stands up quickly and runs towards the door. I hold him still while I open the door to find a blonde girl I have never seen before.  
-Hello. -I greet her.  
-Hi! I’m Lottie. -The name sounds familiar, but I don’t get to place her anywhere in my mind.  
-I’m Harry, nice to meet you. -I don’t know who she is or what she’s doing here but I keep looking at her with a smile on my face waiting for her to say something else.  
-Yeah, I know. I’ve heard so much about you.  
-Have you? -I’m puzzled right now, and I know it’s obvious because she rolls her eyes as if she realized something.  
-Haven’t my brother said I was coming over?  
-Your brother?  
-Oh my god! That moron! Ok, let’s start over. -She smiles at me as if nothing happened. -Hello, I’m Lottie, Louis’ sister. -Ok, now that makes sense. -My brother called me to come here and pick Clifford up. He was supposed to call to inform you that I was coming over. I hope you don’t mind… He sent me this ubication.  
-No, of course not. Come in. -I open the door wider welcoming her to enter. -I’m Harry. -I wince at my words. -And I’ve already said that.  
-Yes, you did. -She smiles at me friendly. Clifford jumps at her excited and starts licking her face. -Hello, boy!- Lottie says to Clifford.  
-Would you like something to drink? -I offer her.  
-No, I don’t want to bother.  
-Oh, it’s no bother at all. Tea?  
-Tea would be great, thank you. -She finally accepts.  
I get to the kitchen and I turn the kettle on. As I wait for it to heat up, I think about what I can say to her. This is the first time I meet someone from Louis’ family. I have to make a good impression.  
-So, you are the sister who lives in London, right? -The fact that she wouldn’t be here if she weren’t, hits me the moment I say the words. What a way to make an impression, you fucking idiot. -Sorry. -I feel the need to apologize. -Louis has talked about his family. All I know is that there are a lot of you. -Kill me because I know I’m blushing. I finish preparing the teas and pass one to her.  
-There’s no need to apologise. -She downplays it shaking a hand. - And yes, we could be considered a big family. -She chuckles which makes me relax a little. She takes a sip of her tea. I do the same.  
The question wanders in my head, but I don’t find an easy way to ask it. Nonetheless the curiosity is bigger than the possibly of an awkward moment. So, I don’t overthink it.  
-You said earlier you’ve heard so much about me. What did he tell you exactly? -I let out a laugh and she sits in one of the stools in front of me. She laughs at the question.  
-Nothing bad, I promise. -She smiles at me warmly. -My brother is not very keen on talking about his relationships, but he seemed happy this last weeks, so I just elicited him, and he ended up talking about you. I know nothing more. -She looks at me with her big light blue eyes and I know she and I could get along quickly. The idea of being me the reason why Louis has been happy gets in my head more than it should.  
I nod at her answer with a grin on my face. - Louis didn’t tell me anything about you picking Clifford up. -I say taking another sip of my tea.  
-Yeah, I got that when I saw your face and you had no clue who I was.  
-Yeah, sorry about that.  
-Stop apologising, Harry. That’s on my brother. He has his head in the clouds. -She finishes her tea and stands up from the stool. -Well, I better go now. It’s been great to finally meet you.  
-You too. – I accompany her to the door after she puts on a leash to Clifford.  
-Thank you for the tea and all that. -She says distracted which only makes me laugh.  
-You’re welcome. Come back whenever you want. I loved talking to you.  
-Oh, how sweet! I would love that.  
Lottie and Clifford head out and I close the door behind him.  
I lean against the door and I take a look at the now empty living room. I’m going to kill Louis.  
I find my phone forgotten on the coffee table. I scroll till I find Louis’ contact and I press the phone button. I hear two tones before he answers.  
-Shit. I totally forgot to tell you. -And that’s how he greets me.  
-Oh, and now you do?  
-I’m sorry. I called Lottie to pick Clifford up.  
-Yeah, I know. They just left. You should’ve seen my face when she knocked at the door and I had no idea who she was.  
-Sorry, sorry. -I would accept his apology but the fact that I hear him trying to cover up his laughter is not helping.  
-Are you laughing?  
-No. -He says pronouncing a lot of “o’s”.  
-You are. And why did you call her to take care of Clifford, don’t you trust me or what?  
-Of course, I trust you…  
-Just know -I interrupt him. -We were having so much fun. I gave him some cookies and we danced on the living room.  
-You what?  
-Oh, come on, he had fun. Or at least the first minutes…-That last part I say it under my breath, but I know he heard me.  
-Oh my god. -He laughs. -Listen, I called Lottie to pick Clifford up because we have plans for tonight, and I don’t want Clifford to be alone that many hours.  
-Do we have plans? -I ask him confused.  
-Oh, yes, we do, sun.  
-What plans?  
-Oh, that’s a surprise.  
***  
I had agreed with Louis that we would meet in rehearsals so I’m waiting for him in the hallway. A bunch of people walk in and out the doors nonstop. Some of them greet me and there are some other I haven’t seen in my life. This is a flood of people considering there is only two day left for the show day. Nonetheless, I get distracted by a new banner hanging on one of the walls of the vestibule. Bold capital letters take up most of the poster. “SONGWRITTERS CONTEST”. It catches my attention right away. I start reading the rules of the competition. As I understand, this competition is for brand-new professional singer-songwriters and musicians selected by their managers that would like to give a push to their career in music. I keep reading till I get to a part that makes my eyes wide. The winner wins the opportunity to record their own album. Shit. I have to participate in this. I already had one song I have been working on for weeks, maybe it still needed some fixes, but I think it has potential.  
If I could participate in this, I would be closer to make the music I want. It would keep me in the music’s world.  
-Hey. -Suddenly someone whispers in my ear and puts an arm around me. I jump slightly and I turn quickly to see Louis smiling at me.  
-Hi. You scared me.  
-Sorry. -He presses me closer to him. -What are you reading? -He focuses on the poster in front of us and he reads out loud. -Songwriters contest… Are you interested? You could do great.  
-You think so?  
-Totally.  
-I was thinking about it. It would be a great chance.  
-Yeah.  
At that moment, someone jumps at us making us recoil by the fright.  
-What’s up? -Niall shouts at us laughing his ass off.  
-Shit, Niall! -Louis yells.  
-Are you two coming in or what? -Niall gets in our room and we follow him.  
Zayn and Liam come minutes later.  
It doesn’t take too long for us to get everything started. The songs are pretty much learnt. All the arrangements are made, and we all know what we have to do by heart. The only thing missing was to control the technical part, but it isn’t until the last day that someone explains us anything.  
-Lads! -Niall call us taking a break from playing the guitar.  
In my case, I take off my headphones to listen to him better.  
I turn to him waiting for him to continue talking.  
-Would you be up to go to the cinema someday? There’s this film I want to watch, and I thought it would be fun if we go together. We don’t do anything apart from this.  
He is right. I’ve hanged out with them individually, but it’s never been the five of us.  
-Sounds good. -I say.  
-To the cinema? What is it going to be? A school trip? -Louis teases.  
-Since when going to the cinema is a school trip? - Niall asks him. -Since when? Uh? Since when? -Niall gets closer to Louis making weird moves with his arms. -You could go to a museum or maybe to see a play but… -His moves now gets to resemble to a very uncoordinated ninja. He gets closer and closer. -…not to watch a Spiderman film. -And then, he slaps Louis’ head.  
-Oh, You. Did. Not. -Louis says.  
-Ha! Catch me if you can! -Niall doesn’t doubt to run away from Louis. They run all over the room till Niall ends up behind the sofa using it as a barrier between the two of them.  
-Spiderman? The new one? -Zayn asks watching the chasing that is going on in front of us. -Dude! I want to watch that film too!  
Niall and Louis keep running around the sofa. When one is at one side, the other gets to the other. They’re getting me dizzy with so many turns.  
-See!?-Niall shouts and points at Zayn, but he doesn’t stop running trying to stay the furthest he can from Louis. -Zayn wants to watch it too!  
-You are not going to escape from me, Nialler. So, give up! -Louis shouts.  
-Never! -Niall yells back. But then Louis jumps over the sofa and gets to the other side of the sofa with another jump. -Ah! - Niall shouts moving away from his spot. -That’s not fair! You violated the rules! -In the last seconds he gets to scape and he ends up at the other side of the sofa. Again.  
-What fucking rules!?  
-Guys, what about going out to a pub after the show? We could go to the cinema some other time.  
Louis and Niall are starting to breath heavily and their moves become slower.  
-That sounds good too. -I tell him.  
Finally, the chasing stops, and they gasp for air trying to recover their breaths.  
-I’m up to it. -Louis says laboured.  
-Me too. But we’re going to the cinema, there’s no way back now. -Niall declares.  
-Absolutely. I’m looking forward to watching that movie, dude. If they don’t want to, it’s the two of us, then. -Zayn says.  
-Deal. -Niall runs towards Zayn and they bump their fists together.  
***  
-I can’t believe you took me to this place. -I tell him.  
We’re in the fanciest restaurant I’ve ever been in my life. The quiet chatter of people eating fills the whole place. The dim lightning gives it a mysterious vibe. Not enough with that, there’s a candle on every single table. Waiters and waitresses walk around nonstop delivering dishes. I feel a little out of place. Somehow, I can’t believe this was Louis’ idea. This place is too posh.  
-Why not? -He looks around studying the place as I do.  
-I don’t know. It feels weird. It’s like a movie date.  
He puts his elbows on the table, and their hands cover part of his chin and mouth. I’m starting to know him well enough to know there’s something he’s hiding from me. A glimpse of a mischievous look gives it right away.  
-I’m going to be honest with you. -He says putting back his arms under the table and leaning closer to me as he wanted to tell me a secret. -I just looked for “restaurants to go on a date in London” and this popped up first. I didn’t even look for photos.  
I let out a loud laugh that resounds throughout the restaurant. I cover it quickly with both of my hands but despite my attempt to behave, we get some stares from the tables that are closer to us.  
-You’re too cute when you do that. -Louis says as he drinks from his glass of wine.  
The lightning is not making me any favour. Somehow, Louis’s eyes look lighter than usual. I can’t even break eye contact. I get so fucking lost in them.  
-Thank you. -I say as I take a sip as well from my glass of wine. -That was my plan. – I didn’t plan it at all. I move my glass trying to play it cool, but I actually have no idea what I’m doing, and this is so not me that I end up laughing again.  
Louis shakes his head looking at the menu, but I got a hint of a smile on his face.  
-What are you going to order? -He asks me and that makes me open the menu too.  
A lot of bizarre names are written, and I only get to understand three out of ten words.  
-I don’t know. -I tilt my head up towards him. -You?  
He scratches his head while he keeps looking at the menu. There’s no need for him to talk. I know he’s thinking the same as I do. He has no idea. He looks at me widening his eyes and he seems so lost I can’t help but smile at him endearingly.  
-Is this even English? -He asks.  
-I think so. I wouldn’t put my hand on the fire, though. What do we do? -I try to hold back my laugh but this is so funny.  
-Should we choose using “eenie meenie miney moe”?  
I burst laughing. He really is considering it and honestly, I am too.  
-Maybe it will be easier.  
We end up ordering two different things. At least if one is bad, we have an alternative to eat. The dishes don’t take long to arrive which I appreciate because I was starting to be hungry.  
They turn out to be pretty tasty, but I must say, I like Louis’ better.  
-Yours is better. -I tell him taking a bite of his plate.  
-Is it? -I take my plate and I approach it to him for him to give it a try. He does.  
-It’s not bad. -He shrugs.  
-Do you like it better? -I get excited by the idea of an exchange.  
-I said It’s not bad, not that I like it better.  
-Oh, ok. -I go back to my dish.  
-Here. Give me yours. -he says taking his plate and exchanging for mine.  
-Really? – I look at him with a huge smile.  
-Yeah.  
-Thank youuuuu.  
I start eating the dish happily but the image in front of me of him eating what it was my plate is more than distracting. I love him so much.  
-So, about this contest…  
-Hmm, yeah. -I get to say once I swallow. -I’m going to give it a go.  
-You should. You have an amazing voice.  
-Thank you. -It doesn’t matter how many nice things he says to me, I always get hyped up. -I think I could have a song good enough for it.  
-You do?  
-Yeah. -I take a bite of my food. -I ‘ve been working on it for weeks.  
-Can I listen to it when we get home?  
Home. That word resonates in my head and it makes me feel butterflies in my stomach, no matter how cheesy that sounds.  
-If you really want to, I will. -I tell him.  
-Of course, I want to. -He reaches his arm over the table to get to touch my hand. He takes it in a mellow grip. -I want to know everything about you.  
He’s going to kill me. If he keeps talking to me like that, I’m an absolutely dead person. In a happy and cool way.  
-You know, if I win, that would be huge. I would be able to record my own album. I would have to work on it, but it would be so cool, Lou. I’ve always wanted to do a thing like that.  
Louis looks at me attentive, listening to every word I say and taking in all the excitement when I talk about this.  
-I’m sure you’ll win.  
-I’m not even in yet. I have to talk to Martin first. -Louis looks at me with a frow.  
-Why is that? - He stops eating.  
-I don’t know. It’s like a rule. The competition is for people who is dedicated to music professionally but in its first’s steps. So, you need some sort of manager representation. They need to make sure that you, in some way, work already with music.  
-Let’s hope he gets more indulgent about this than he did with your song-selection.  
-Yeah.  
Honestly, that was something that I’ve been worrying about since I read the banner. After my confrontation with Martin, which Louis knows nothing about, the idea of him refusing to let me participate concerns me.


	19. Chapter 19

His arm surrounds my body and pushes me towards his chest. His skin is so warm that I let myself relax against his contact. His placid breathing against my ear makes me twirl to face him. He’s already awakened and he’s smiling at me in a way that I cannot resist attracting him to me and kiss him hard.  
-Good morning. -Louis says with a hoarse voice while kissing me.  
-Good morning. -I let out a mischievous smile at the unusual deep sound of his voice. I slide my hands to his stomach, and I rub slightly my thumb against his skin. -Did you sleep well?  
-Well, considering we’ve been up almost all night, yeah, I slept well. I always sleep better when I’m with you. -He cups my cheeks, and he kisses me so softly that he leaves me gasping for air.  
-I never find myself fed up with you. -I shrug with a coy smile. He tights his grip around me and comes back with the kissing.  
-I can’t get enough of you, either. -He says whispering against my lips.  
We spend an unknown amount of time kissing and touching each other. We don’t break apart till the idea hits me.  
-I didn’t show you my song. -I tell him inches apart from his face. -Do you want me to play it for you?  
He nods lazily while he rubs his lips against mine. -I would love that.  
-OK. -I stand up from the bed and I go quickly to grab my guitar. I sit back on the bed and Louis gets comfortable putting a pillow over his lap. All his attention is focused on me.  
-I hope you like it.  
I place the capo in the first fret, and I play the first chord. The slow melody fills the room and I look at Louis to see his reaction. He’s smiling at me and it encourages me to start singing the first verse. My deep voice mixes with the guitar and I don’t want to sound arrogant, but it sounds good.  
I don’t break eye contact while I sing, only when I change the pattern of chords, I look down to the guitar. It feels weird how confident I feel when I sing for him. Only for him. It’s like I know he won’t judge me, no matter what I do. When I get to the end of the song, I feel the tension building up between the two of us, but I don’t stop looking at him. He looks at me so dedicatedly that a smirk escapes from my mouth. To be honest, I began writing this song when we started knowing each other better, so it’s pretty much about him and how a person can make you feel, even when they have never even touched you. It feels right to be him the first person to listen to this song.  
When I finish, an utter silence fills the room.  
-That was amazing. -He says and before I become aware of his intentions, he jumps at me making us both lay on the bed with the guitar between us two. He captures my lips and I respond to every kiss he gives me.  
-I can see you liked it. -I say laughing between kisses.  
-I loved it. You’re going to win. I’m sure of that. -He says looking directly at my eyes. I get lost in his blue.  
***  
I wanted to do this as soon as possible. The idea of confronting Martin again was giving me a headache, so I needed to end this. My legs walk involuntarily following the path towards Martin’s office. Ok, you can do this, Harry.  
There’s no one in the corridor so nobody witnesses how I hop a little and knock the door two times before he orders me to come in.  
As I get in, he sees that it’s me and his face changes completely. Shit, not a good start.  
-Are you back to keep complaining about your songs? -He asks and I need to take a deep breath to manage my nerves.  
-No, actually I came to talk to you about the songwriters’ contest. -I talk to him from the door. There’s something in his face that tells me I’m not very welcome here.  
-What about it?  
I had a whole speech prepared but I decide it would be better if I just go to the point.  
-I want to participate, and I’ve read I need the manager’s support.  
-You want to participate…- He says the words in such a way that he seems to be tasting them and there was some aftertaste that he didn’t like. -Do you even write? - He goes back to his work as if he already spent too much time talking to me.  
-I do, indeed. I’ve been working on…  
-Quite impressive. – He mumbles interrupting me. He never tilts his head up.  
-So, could I count with you? You just need to sign some papers and that would be it. I just need to prove that I’m working in the music industry.  
-I’ll think about it. -He declares.  
-You’ll think about it… -I repeat his own words trying to understand what he has to think about. He only has to sign a fucking paper.  
-Yeah, you heard me. Now, if you excuse me, I have some work to do.  
I can’t believe this. I just can’t. I decide to get out of here without saying one more word. I close the door and as I walk through the hallway, the anger consumes me.  
When I get to the rehearsal’s room, I close the door violently behind me. All the boys look at me surprised by my entry but in this moment I don’t even care.  
-That didn’t go well. -Louis guesses.  
I shake my head as I go sit next to him. He surrounds me with his arm in a sign of comfort and I just hide my face in the hollow of his neck.  
-He barely listened to me.  
-What happened? - Niall asks and I feel the weight of his body next to me on the sofa. He places a hand on my back. I turn to the guys to explain.  
-I went to talk to Martin because I want to join in a contest for songwriters and he just said he will think about it. -I turn to Louis abruptly. -Can you believe that? -Louis just shakes his head. -What does he have to think about? -This time, I direct the question to the boys. -There’s nothing to think about, for fuck’s sake! -I answer my own question.  
-He’s a fucking homophobe. -Zayn says and I feel how Louis tenses next to me. I place a hand on his knee unconsciously to ease him.  
-I told him I’ve been writing, and you know what he said? “That’s quite impressive” or some bullshit like that. I’m never going to be able to make it.  
-Hey, don’t worry, ok? He will change his mind. -Louis says trying to comfort me.  
-Lou, you don’t understand, he fucking hates me and he’s never going to give me the chance.  
Louis stays silent after my words.  
We leave the subject aside but, in my case, I keep rambling in my own head about it. All it takes from him is a signature. It’s just a bloody signature.  
Today’s the last day to get everything ready. Niall and Liam go together to the other part of the building where the stage is, to arrange all the details left. Zayn, Louis, and I stay rehearsing. Louis hasn’t said a word since we spoke about the contest. He seems too caught up in his own head. When Liam and Niall return, it’s the turn for us to go to stage. The evening passes quickly without more altercations. I have not seen Martin again and all the arrangements are on point. We just have to wait for tomorrow that it’s when we have to perform.  
We’re all about to leave when Louis suddenly palms my back to let me know he’s staying back.  
-I’ll join you guys in a minute.  
-Where are you going? -I ask him but he just shakes his hand in front of him.  
-Bathroom. I’ll be outside in two.  
It turns out to be more than two minutes. Zayn and Liam had left a couple of minutes ago and Niall, even though he wanted to wait with me, he left because he had a date with Liv. I am starting to worry when the door opens and there he is.  
-Sorry. -He apologises before I can say anything.  
-Where were you?  
-I lost track of time. Sorry. Can we go now? -He starts walking and I follow him.  
That sounded like bullshit, and his attempt to stop talking about it was suspicious.  
-Lou. Aren’t you going to tell me?  
-What?  
-I don’t know. Whatever you were doing in there for almost twenty minutes, maybe?  
-There’s nothing to tell. -He says not reducing his speed walking.  
-I don’t believe you. -I know I’m being stubborn, but he is even more than me.  
-I was doing nothing, Haz. I was with my phone and I simply lost track of time.  
I decide to put an end to the discussion. I don’t want to argue with him. There is enough stuff going on in my mind with all the competition drama.  
***  
After dinner, we lay on the sofa wrapped up in our blankets with a pair of cuppas. An episode of Friends is playing on the TV, but it doesn’t hinder our quiet chattering.  
-I think you should insist to Martin. -Louis has been trying to comfort me since we got home. I already made up my mind about what I was going to do and what it was crystal clear was that I wasn’t going to give up that easily.  
-Oh, of course I am going to insist. I have all the right to get in that contest. -I say. -I have a demo I’m going to send him. He has to realize that it is actually good. Because it’s good, right? -I know he already said it was good, but after all that happened, I am starting to feel insecure.  
-Come here. -He says encouraging me to get closer to him. I end up on top of him, with my head against his chest and both covered up with blankets. All my body covers his, and his hands travel to my hair to start caressing it. He loves my curls and I love when he does that, so I just close my eyes and I enjoy his touch. -It’s terrific, Harry.  
-Then, he will have to listen to it. -I whisper softly.  
I feel my eyelids are starting to close by their own will, so I let myself fall asleep listening to Friends in the background and with Louis’ hands in my head.


	20. Chapter 20

I’m waiting next to Martin’s door. He hasn’t arrived yet, but I know that he’s not going to take too much more time to get here. Tonight’s is finally show time, so I need to get over with all this as soon as possible. I sent him the demo of the song this morning, I’m not sure he has listened to it just yet, but if he hasn’t, I will insist the times that they’re needed.  
The place is crowded by people walking one way and the other trying to get all the last details ready. The boys are backstage getting dressed but they know where I am. I showed them the demo and they all agree that it was good. All the compliments I received encouraged me to be here now.  
I get a glimpse of Martin walking directly to his office, so I break apart from the wall I was leaning on to get ready for my meeting with him. I realize his posture turns rigid when he gets aware that I’m waiting for him. When he’s close enough to me, he looks at me and tilts his head to me.  
-What are you doing here again? -He asks.  
-I want to talk to you.  
He opens the door and leaves it open for me to go behind him. Then he sits in his chair and turns the computer on. When he’s done getting all the place ready, he puts his elbows over the table, and he intertwines his fingers in front of him.  
-I’m all ears. -He says looking at me.  
-It’s about the contest thing I told you yesterday. – He rolls his eyes at me when I start speaking. Not a good sign. I take a deep breath to calm the nerves that are already starting to peak. This man gets me irked without even saying a word. I need to relax If I want him to consider I’m being serious. -I’ve sent you a demo of the song this morning. – I try again. -I would like to use that one to get in the competition. I think it is good enough for me to get through the first phase.  
-Yeah, I saw the file. -He says checking the screen of his computer. Great, good. One step forward.  
-Have you already heard it?  
-No, I haven’t. -He says typing now on the keyboard.  
-Oh, ok. Will you tell me what you think about it when you listen to it?  
He tilts his head to the side as if the mere idea of it hurts him.  
-That’s the thing. I don’t think I will. -He says without even turning to look at me.  
Wait, what? Has he just said what I think he has said?  
-Why not? - I ask him.  
-Let’s see. -Again, he intertwines his fingers to use it as a support for his jaw. He’s looking straight at me now, but I don’t like his stare a little. -This thing you’re trying to do here. -he points at the space between us. -It’s not worth it. I don’t think you have the level to participate in the contest. You still have work to do to get there. You should just focus on tonight’s show. That should be enough for you now.  
-Excuse me? -I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I begin to feel an anguish that it’s growing and growing every second it passes.  
-Harry…Really think about it. I’m making you a favour here. It’s not worth your effort and it is absolutely not worth mine either.  
-You didn’t even listen to the song. -I tell him.  
-And I don’t need to. -He says turning back to the computer. I see in his face that he’s already getting tired of me.  
-How can you say that? The song is good. -My chest feels heavy. I try to regulate my breathings. I can’t have a break down here.  
-Is it really? -He asks with a superiority that consumes me, but he just continues with the typing.  
I’ve had enough of this. I’m done.  
I get out of the office closing the door violently behind me. I need to get out of here. I need a safe place. I run to the bathroom and I get inside of one of the last cubicles. I sit on the toilet with the lid down. I’m shaking. My hands are sweating, and I feel like my heart is fucking bursting  
out of my chest. I need to get back to normal. I bring my knees to my chest and I close my eyes to only focus on my breathing. I count every breathe in and breath out I take. Slowly, my heart starts to pound steadier and I become aware the phone is ringing in my pocket. I let it ring. I can’t focus on anything else but my breathing right now. The phone stops eventually, and I let my head rest on my knees.  
After a couple of minutes, I hear the door of the bathroom open in a loud thud. My head raise up and I feel a glimpse of fright by the fact of being caught in this state.  
-Harry!? -Louis’ voice fills the whole bathroom and I become still. What is he doing here? I don’t know what to do. Should I let him know I’m here? -The door closes, which makes me think he’s left but then I hear hurried steps along the room. -Harry!?  
I need to do something, but I can’t speak. Nothing comes out of my mouth, so I just let out a soft moan.  
-Harry! -He now knows where I am. He knocks at the door of my cubicle, but he can’t open the door since I locked it after I got in here. -Darling, please, open the door.  
I don’t overthink it. I reach out to the locker and I open the door. I don’t dare to look at him though. I get back into my previous pose and I keep counting my breathings since I feel better than minutes ago.  
-Honey…- He gets closer to me, but I quickly shake my head to let him know I need my space. -He steps back. -What is it? What do you need?  
I put back my feet on the ground. I need to feel something. My eyes are watering, and I raise my head to look at him. He looks scared, his breathing is agitated. Some minutes pass till he asks me -Is it… is it ok if I touch you now? - I nod slightly. He sits in front of me and he surrounds me with his arms. The moment I get his contact, I break in tears.  
-I’m here, Harry. -He tells me and I tight my grip around him. -You’re ok. -He says calmly and slowly against my ear.  
We stay like that for minutes till I feel better. Then I break apart from him and I look at him feeling my face all wet. Louis brush my hair away from my face and caresses my cheek softly.  
-Do you want to talk about it? - Louis asks me. His face is contracted, and his eyes look worried.  
-Martin. -I say. And I even hate pronouncing his name. -He won’t give me the chance to participate. He said I’m not good enough. He said I’m just wasting my time.  
-That’s bullshit. -His voice sounds furious.  
-It doesn’t matter whether it’s bullshit or not. I’m not getting in the competition.  
-We’ll see about that. I’ll try to talk to him, ok?  
-What difference can it make? -I ask him wiping my tears away.  
-I don’t know but let me try.  
***  
The show is about to start. The place is already filled by people. We’re all backstage waiting for someone to tell us that we can already go out. Tonight, we’re starting with the group songs, so there’s no turns this time for us to get out on stage.  
Louis has been making sure I’m alright every time we make eye contact. I haven’t talked to the boys about what happened, and to be honest I don’t feel like doing so tonight. We have plans to go have some beers after the show and I don’t want them asking me about it all night long. I want to forget everything.  
When it’s about time, the five of us go out to stage. Everything goes according to plan. When we finish the song, we get back backstage. This time I’m the first one to go, so I get my guitar and after the host introduces me, I go back to stage. I turn to look at the boys and I see them all sitting in their chairs watching me standing in the centre of the stage. Niall and Liam gestures me “good luck” with their thumbs up, but my attention falls upon Louis. He has been weirdly quiet, and I see how he can’t keep himself still on the chair. Something is bothering him. After I start my song, I see sideways how Louis finally stands up from his chair and he disappears through one of the doors. It takes all of me to keep myself focused on my song. Two minutes later, the music stops, and I can go back backstage. It’s Liam’s turn now, and as he walks pass me, he claps my back approvingly and I do the same with a smile.  
I go sit on my chair next to Zayn as I see Louis hasn’t come back yet.  
-Zayn. -I call him. I know he’s focused on Liam’s performance right now, but I need to know. He turns to me with a slight tilt on his head.  
-What’s up? -He asks.  
-Do you know where Louis went?  
-No idea, mate. -His attention goes back to Liam.  
After Liam’s performance, it’s Niall’s turn. Louis is not here yet and the nerves of not knowing where he is are taking over me. The next one is him, but luckily, the host makes a break of ten minutes.  
I start to wonder if I should go and look for him when he suddenly opens the door. It doesn’t take even three seconds for me to get where he’s standing.  
-Where were you? You’re next. – I tell him  
-Ok, I’m ready. -He doesn’t say anything else and he goes to talk to some operators. At that moment, Martin gets in and I move as far as I can from the door to keep my distance from him.  
When it’s about time for Louis to perform, I get closer to wish him good luck, nonetheless, I don’t have time to do it because as I approach to him, he goes to stage.  
His song starts and he amazes me when he sings, his voice is beautiful. I watch him from my chair and even though, I’m too concentrated on him, I feel a pair of eyes fixed on my back that makes me turn around. Martin is looking at Louis attentively with a serious expression but when he gets aware that I’m looking at him, he refocus his attention and he winks at me.


	21. Chapter 21

After the show, we head to the closest pub that offers good beer. I intent to get drunk tonight and I think that’s the plan that we all have. This has been a rough week and tonight I am going to do my best to forget all about it with the company of my boys.  
We arrive at the pub. Every table is filled with people. Even the stools in front of the counter are occupied. The smell of alcohol and a slight glimpse of sweat welcome us when we open the door. Niall goes ahead to the bar and orders five pints before we find a table where we can sit.  
I leave a free space for Niall to sit when he comes back. Louis is sitting next to me and at the other part of the table are Liam and Zayn. The beers don’t take long to arrive to our table and once they are at our reach the game is on.  
A nonsense chattering keep us entertained for the first round. Before the glasses get empty, another round of beers get to our table. The alcohol seems to start its effect on me because I start wondering if this is a good moment to tell them.  
-I talked to Martin about my song. -I tell them as I put back my glass on the table after taking a huge gulp.  
-And? What did he say? -Liam asks me excited.  
Besides me I feel how Louis’ body tenses.  
-He didn’t even bother to listen to it. – I tell them. -And he made pretty clear that he’s not going to let me participate.  
-Shit, lad! You’re screwed. -Niall tells me slapping gently my back.  
-We all are. -Liam points out. -As long as we work for Martin, he can control our professional lives. This time has been Harry because of that contest, but next time, it could be anyone of us. If he doesn’t like us or at least, respect us, there’s nothing we can do.  
-Was he that blunt with you? -Zayn asks me surprised.  
-Well, I’m actually sugar-coating it.  
-Shit. -He says before taking another gulp of beer.  
Louis doesn’t say anything. He hasn’t touched me or even talk to me directly since we got here. I turn to check on him and I caught him looking at the foam of his beer thoughtfully. There’s something bothering him. I rub my elbow against his arm to get his attention.  
-Hey! -He looks at me as if he just woke up of his trance. -Are you alright? -I ask him.  
-Yeah. -He nods and keeps drinking his beer.  
I don’t believe him though, there is obviously something going on with him. He seems like he’s uncomfortable around me. Maybe I scared him when he saw me at the bathroom before. What if I did scare him? I have never let anyone see me in that state before. Or maybe it is something else. Whatever it is, there’s something inside his mind.  
I’ve lost the count of how many beers we’ve drunk. We are all pretty wasted when we decide to leave the pub.  
Louis doesn’t say a word in our way home. He keeps patting his leg with his hands as he walks, and I know him well enough to know that he’s nervous about something.  
When I open the apartment door, I go straight to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water. Tomorrow, the hangover will be deadly. I should be preparing the paracetamol for tomorrow morning to make it easier for us to get through the day. I hear Louis dragging the stool from the kitchen to sit on it. I turn to see him looking at me with such a frustrated look that I can't help lowering the glass from my mouth.  
-Lou, what is it? -I ask him. I am not going to spend one more second without asking him. I know for sure there’s something he’s not telling me.  
He doesn’t seem to keep himself steady on the stool, so he stands up and walks towards the side of the kitchen where I am standing. Nonetheless, he doesn’t get close to me. There’s a considerable space between us.  
His expression has become cold. I can’t recognise him. His blue eyes don’t look at me anymore, they are more focused on our kitchen’s floor.  
-Are you going to tell me? - I know this is nothing good. It can’t be.  
-I can’t. -Louis mumbles, his eyes are avoiding mine.  
-What? - My voice sounds louder than normal. My nerves have peaked.  
Finally, Louis’ face turns to look at me, but weirdly I don’t see him. It’s not Louis. Not my Lou at least.  
-I can’t keep going on with this relationship.  
A punch in my stomach is nothing compared with what I feel.  
-What? - I take a step closer trying to touch Louis but he takes a step back refusing my touch and making more distance between us.  
Another punch.  
-Lou…- I look at him, but his eyes have travelled to the floor again. His mouth is rigid, his jaw tight. I reach a hand trying again and Louis doesn’t take another step back, he just shakes his head. That feels even worse. I look at my empty hand. It’s shaking. I let it fall.  
-I’m sorry, Harry.  
His figure starts blurring, my eyes fill with tears yet not shed.  
-I don’t understand. -I hear myself babbling. -What happened? What did I do?  
I look at the floor, and the tears fall. A nitid vision comes back and I turn to see him again. The idea of not seeing him every day burns my chest, but the thought of me seeing him at work, so close and yet so far away, kills me. I won’t be able to taste his lips; to make him laugh; to see his face the first thing in the morning. I feel myself breaking.  
-I think we need to give it a rest, this -he points between the two of us- has gone too far too fast.  
-What? -I can’t believe what he’s doing. Then, I realize what he said. -Don’t say “we”. -I clench my fists. The leftovers of alcohol that remains in my body allow me to get a momentaneous grip.  
Louis studies my face trying to figure my words out. -Don’t say “we”. - I repeat. - “You” may need to take a break. “I” don’t. I know what I want. I may not know who I am or what I’m doing with my life, but I know I want you.  
I see a painful twitch in Louis’s mouth. I can see this is not being easy for him either.  
-Harry…- The way he says my name makes me shake. Am I supposed to keep going on with my life after witnessing how his voice pronouncing my name changes everything?  
-No, Louis, no. What am I supposed to do now with this? - I hit my chest. Louis refuses to look at me. -Lou. - I call him and I quickly correct myself. - Louis. Look at me.  
Louis does so, and I see his eyes start to water. I want to touch his face and wipe away those tears so badly. I want to tell him that everything is alright. That I love him. But the truth hits. This is him breaking up with me.  
-Please, tell me. - My voice sounds agonised. - Am I supposed to act like I don’t know you? That we are just strangers? Are we supposed to pretend that we have been so close to each other but yet never ending up meeting, never ending up touching? Am I supposed to keep loving you like I’ve never touched you?  
-Harry, I don’t want to hurt you. I have never wanted to hurt you.  
I bite my bottom lip considering his words. I try to smother more tears from falling.  
-Well, I guess you have.  
-Harry, please. -Louis voice sounds broken. He seems lost, his hands are shaking badly. - I think this is the best. I care about you.  
-No! Don’t you dare say you care about me. Not when you are leaving, not when you are leaving me. - I pause, and I reconsider my next words. At the end of the day, we are going to keep seeing each other at work. -Do you know we are going to become two ghosts wandering in each other’s lives, don’t you? Maybe it was too risky from the beginning. Maybe you’re right. I guess this was always meant to end up breaking us apart.  
Louis doesn’t say anything. I let out a deep breath.  
-You know what? I think you should leave now. You don’t want to be with me anymore, and I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want me. You should leave. – I don’t want him to leave. I’m praying for him to tell me this is all a bad joke, but he doesn’t.  
Louis nods. His steps are hesitant while he walks towards the door. I open it for him and at the last second, when he’s already out the door, he turns to look at me and It takes too much effort to maintain myself strong. Lou, please, don’t…  
-I’m sorry, Harry.  
I nod.  
-Me too.  
I close the door.  
And I become numb, empty. I can’t feel anything.


	22. Chapter 22

It’s gone. He’s gone. All the memories we built together haunt me while I lay in the same bed where we were ourselves. I guess they just don’t matter anymore. All the knowledge I had about him has become some useless and painful ideas inside my mind. I turn to his side, hiding my face against the pillow, unconsciously seeking his presence in some way to fill the void in my chest. The tears wet the cushion, but I can’t stop them. I try to calm myself, I try to fight down more tears from falling but still, my breathing is shaken.  
I try to explain myself what happened. I go over every moment trying to figure out which reason he had to break up. From which moment everything went to shit. However, I don’t seem to find it.  
Everything was way too good to be true, so I guess we were always meant to say goodbye. Even though, we started with the perfect kiss, we were never meant to work it out right. The mere thought breaks me with a sob. Shit, I need to stop. If I still love him, I have to love him enough to let him go. I didn’t get into this to hurt him, or to hurt myself, even though, I don’t even know what I did to make him rethink our relationship. The realization hits when I understand that he didn’t give us any chance to fight against whatever was wrong. He didn’t, and I was blinded to see where we were getting into.  
Nothing prepared me for him to enter my life. He just did. And like a fool I fell for him. I’ve got to know the privilege of being his. I’ve got to know how it feels his warmth and the shape of his lips. But now it was all gone, and sadly I knew, deep down, I would’ve waited for him the time it was needed. And it would’ve been worth it because I was in love.  
Slowly, I lift my arm to get to my phone to see if there are some new messages. Nothing. The blank screen seems to mock me with zero notifications. Every planet seems to align to not even spam me with annoying reports from my apps.  
The void in my chest doesn’t seem to vanish. My throat feels sored. I would give everything to switch this feeling. If I could just halt this pain before it gets to break me further.  
If I could just hear him pronouncing my name again.  
My face is all wet, nonetheless, I dry it passing the palms of my hands over it. I take a deep breath trying to calm my aching heart. After a few minutes, I cease my brain to keep going on with the same thoughts. I need to get a grip. I remind myself that it was done. This story was over. I numb the pain. I obviate the memories that are trying to make me cave in again. I drown them deeper.  
I get out of bed and I make my way to the kitchen. I need something stronger than tea to help me with the difficult task of forgetting.  
I open the cupboard where I keep all the vessels with the intention to get a simple glass, but my focus gets lost the moment my eyes fix at something that shouldn't have fixed on. His cup.  
I lose track of the time I spend just watching the cup. I feel like it’s laughing at me. Like every fucking ridiculous drawing on it is shouting how stupid I’ve been. Images of Louis laughing while drinking tea on that same cup flashes through my head. Images of him on that same kitchen, on the bed, on the couch. The hole in my chest is here again. But this time, I refuse to cry, a fury raises through my insides making me grab the cup and throw it against the floor. The cup turns into little pieces the moment it hits the ground. Now, I’m not the only one who is broken.  
I stare at them expressionless. They are all scattered on the floor. My heart is pounding so hard and fast. My stomach feels so twitched that I’m afraid I may end up throwing up.  
Calm down, you’re alright. Everything is going to be alright.  
I take a deep breath and I turn around disregarding the mess at my feet. I finally get a glass and I pour some vodka I find in one of the other cupboards. I know this is not going to solve anything but it’s worth the try. I lean on the kitchen counter pointing my eyes somewhere at the living room until my vision blurs. I feel my hand fumbling at the shape of the glass to put it against my lips. I leave it there until the smell of alcohol waters my eyes, and it’s only then, when I take a sip. I let the alcohol burn my mouth as it makes its way down my throat. I take it all in.  
As I finish the glass, I become aware there’s one Bukowski’s quote my brain is repeating like a mantra. “If you have the ability to love, love yourself first”, but even that seemed a little bit impossible right now.  
***  
The doorbell startles my sleep. I find myself laying on the couch in a position that has gotten my neck hurting. As I get up, I feel my head pounding like a motherfucker. The half empty glass is forgotten over the table at my side and all the memories of last night come in a rush. Well, it’s not a surprise the alcohol didn’t do a great job with the voluntary amnesia. The doorbell sounds again making me whine.  
-I’m coming. -My voice sounds harsh and I feel my throat sore. As I walk towards the door, my image is reflected by the crystal of the furniture. My eyes are swollen, and I don’t get to appreciate the colour of my eyes, but I’d bet they couldn’t be more redden.  
I open the door to find my sister with a huge smile which I find myself impossible to match. But her smiles fades the instant she sees me.  
-What happened? - She asks me uneasily and quickly closing the door behind her.  
-Nothing happened. -I shrug. I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve already cried enough to be annoying my sister with my crap.  
-You look like shit, Harry. -She insists.  
-Thanks. -I get back to sit on the couch but as she follows me, I feel her steps stop, and I know she has just seen all the glasses over the floor.  
-Harry…-She whispers.  
-It’s nothing. A glass dropped.  
She comes to sit next to me, and she takes my hand. Her comforting action leaves me feeling a pinch in my chest, but I swallow the lump in my throat quickly. I am not going to cry. I become aware she is looking at the glass with the remaining alcohol from last night.  
-Harry, you can tell me. I know it’s hard to get something that is bothering you out of your chest, but just know I’m here for you.  
-I’m ok. -I simply say. I feel the pitiful stare of my sister on me. That’s what I don’t want. -Don’t look at me like that.  
-I’m not looking at you in any way. -She says shifting her expression. -We can watch a film together. I came here to grab some food mum prepared for you. I wasn’t feeling like cooking today so I thought about stealing some food from you, but I guess we could have lunch together. What do you reckon?  
-I don’t know.  
-Well, can I stay for a while, though?  
I nod. Gemma turns on the TV and she leans her head against my shoulder. Her warm against my body makes the heaviness in my chest ease a little. We spend some time in front of the TV, nonetheless, my eyes close while my head is resting above hers. I’m not aware if she’s actually paying attention to the TV, but I don’t really care. She neither moves nor says anything. We just sit here, and I really love her for this.  
-Do you want me to help you clean up the kitchen? -She offers making my eyes open abruptly. I quickly shake my head.  
-No, I’ll pick up the pieces myself.  
-Ok. -She pats nervously her lap and I know she wants to say something but she doesn’t know how to begin. -Can I ask you a question? -She finally asks. I simply nod. – Did that glass really dropped by itself?  
-No.  
-Do you want to talk about it? -She tries again, and I don’t, I really don’t want to, but the words come out of my mouth before I’m aware I’m pronouncing them.  
-He’s gone.  
-Who’s gone?  
-Louis. Louis’ gone. – This is the first time I’m saying it out loud. Even if my mind hasn’t stopped repeating them for the last hours, the words become meaningful as I let them out. And just with an understanding look on my sister’s face, the first tears start running down my face.  
-Harry…- Gemma whispers taking me in her embrace.  
-He’s left me, Gemma. -I start weeping getting her shoulder wet.  
-I’m so sorry, honey.  
She hugs me tighter and I let myself feel everything. She holds me until my phone starts ringing from the kitchen, and involuntarily, my heart starts pounding rapidly at the expectations of it being Louis. My sister stands up before I do.  
-Let me fetch it for you, I’ll make you a cup of tea while you take the call.  
As she approaches the kitchen, she takes my phone and toss it at me. I quickly look at the phone and Niall’s name fills the whole screen. I don’t know what you expected…  
-Hello? -Niall greets me.  
-Hi. -My voice is raspy for all the crying and I look at my sister from the couch who is now pouring hot water in one cup.  
-Hey, is everything alright?  
-Yeah, why? -I don’t want to start explaining my current state via phone, so a simple yes is easier to say, even if it’s a lie.  
-Louis texted me telling me to call you, well, exactly, he just said “call Harry”. -Niall impersonates Louis’ voice the best he can, but he doesn’t do a really good job. He laughs at his own joke after that, however, the simple fact of hearing his name makes me start crying again, or continue, I’m such a mess right now that I don’t even know what I’m doing. Besides, why would Louis text Niall to tell him that?  
-Hey…Harold. -Niall’s voice becomes mellow and concerned when I can’t muffle one weep. -What is it?  
-He broke up with me. – I try to stop my crying taking a deep breath and as I do so, my sister comes back with a cup on her hands and she gives it to me. -But I’m better.  
-I can come over… hold on, I am coming over. -He says.  
-No. You don’t have to. I’m with my sister right now.  
-I don’t care, I’ll be there in ten. -He hangs up the phone.  
I can’t help feeling that they are in some way babysitting me. I appreciate that they care about me, but at the same time I didn’t feel like I deserved this level of concern. It wasn’t like I was dying, well, indeed I felt like it, but this was too much.  
-A friend is coming. -I inform my sister.  
-Do you want me to leave you two alone?  
-No.- I reply shaking my head and tapping the sofa next to me for her to sit back. She does and I lean my body against her, and she welcomes me opening her arms and letting me snuggle. Time passes fast when we hear the doorbell ring.  
-That must be Niall. -I stand up and go directly to the door.  
As I open the door, Niall throws himself at me in a hug. That catches me by surprise, but I give in.  
-You didn’t have to come, Niall. -I tell him still my head against his shoulder.  
-I wanted to.  
-Let me introduce you to my sister. -I say remembering that we had audience. -Gemma, this is Niall. Niall, this is my sister.  
-Hello. -Niall crosses the living room and they shake hands.  
-Nice to meet you. -She answers back.  
We all end up sitting on the couch.  
-What happened? - Niall asks me and I wish I knew the answer to that question. I shrug and proceed to explain all I know the best I can. -That doesn’t make any sense, you two were like a pair of sparrows in love. And why on earth would Louis text me to make me call you if he didn’t  
give a fuck about you? I kept texting him after your call, but he doesn’t’ answer any of my massages. He’s a douchebag.  
-No, he’s not. -I defend him.  
-Don’t stand for him! Look at you! You’re a mess right now. He may not be, but he’s behaving like one, which doesn’t make any sense.  
-I don’t know Louis. But there’s something bizarre here. -Gemma says and I look at her. -Niall’s right. Why would he text a friend of yours to make sure you’re alright if he feels indifferent about you?  
-Right?! -Niall exclaims.  
-Stop! - I am getting pretty tired of overthinking all this. -I know nothing, ok? All I know is that Louis is not here and that I haven’t received any call from him telling me he’s sorry, if he really cared, he would’ve called me, not Niall.  
I put an end to the chat. The rest of the day I spend it with them, watching movies and eating everything we find in my fridge. Louis is never brought up into conversation again, even though, my brain can’t stop its internal monologue about him.


	23. Chapter 23

Today’s the first time I’m seeing Louis since he broke up with me. I’ve been all day long preparing myself mentally for it, nonetheless I haven’t gotten yet to get rid of the weird pressure on my chest just by the mere idea of it. I’ve been telling myself I’m going to be fine, that it’s going to be a fast rehearsal, but that’s not the truth. This is just the beginning. I could pretend that I don’t care about seeing him every damn day, but that wouldn’t be the truth either. It’s not just seeing him; it’s singing with him, sharing the same friends… I don’t even know what I’m going to do. All I know is that I’m going to try my best to hide he broke me. I’m not giving him that power over me, even if he already has all of it.  
Niall has been in contact with me all weekend to make sure I was fine, and he even insisted that he won’t leave me alone during rehearsals.  
When I get to the door of the building, Niall is already there. I greet him with a quick hug, and he palms my back in a comforting way.  
-Niall, I don’t want to make a big deal out of this. Just pretend that you know nothing, that nothing happened. -I tell him.  
-Ok. -He nods but his eyes are looking at me with a mix of sadness and pithiness I can’t bear.  
I turn around to look at him again as we walk inside. I raise the index finger to make a statement.  
-That look. - I point to his face. -Delete it. I’m good. Never been better.  
-Are you sure you’re fine? -Niall asks me.  
\- I’m not perfect. But Louis doesn’t have to know.  
-I get it. -Niall nods biting his bottom lip.  
I wasn’t expecting today to be a good day, but it surprises me the fact that it doesn’t take long to start everything to go to shit when we see Martin in the hallway as Niall and I get inside.  
-Hi, guys! -Martin says as he walks closer to us. -How are you? I would like to talk to Harry alone, if you don’t mind Niall…-Martin looks at Niall waiting for him to take the hint, nevertheless, Niall dares to turn to me to see if I agree to be left alone with him. I nod slightly and Niall gets in the rehearsal’s room.  
-What do you want? - I ask him bluntly. I didn’t want to spend more time than the necessary with him after our last encounter.  
Martin seems to get my discomfort for being here with him but all he does is lean against the wall and his face shows an obvious fake sad smile.  
-Louis told me you two broke up. -He clicks his tongue after he says that but I don’t really pay too much attention to his reaction because his words leave me feeling bewildered.  
Why would Louis do such thing? Why Martin among all the people in the fucking world? The questions run free through my mind. My breathing accelerates but I try my best to keep myself unaltered, however, the twitch in my mouth is unavoidable.  
-I just wanted to know if you were alright. -He smiles at me in a way that I know he’s being two-faced.  
-I’m alright, thanks for your concern. -I sound clearly ironic but right now, I don’t even care. I start walking towards the door trying to finish the conversation. But Martin has other plans and he follows me.  
-I’ve chosen the new songs for all of you. I’ve already given the list to the boys. -He tilts his head towards the rehearsal’s room. -I hope this one suits you a little bit better. -I nod at him avoiding eye-contact -Oh, and one more thing. - I turn around to see him one more time when I am about to open the door. - I’ve listened to your demo. It’s not bad. I will think about it.  
Once he says that, he disappears through one of the doors and he leaves me standing there, my hand hanging on the doorknob and my full body almost shaking. I take a deep breath trying to calm myself. Did he just say he would considerate my song? What has changed? I spend some time standing there, trying to process everything. When I get self-conscious of the times passed, I try to move on from my thoughts and I do my best to get in the second phase of this fucking play. I breathe in and I open the door without overthinking it.  
And the act is on.  
-Look who’s late now. -Liam tells me teasingly.  
I build up my biggest smile and I show it to them all. All faces are turned at me, even his, but I just can’t look at him, at least not yet.  
-Yeah, I know, sorry. -My smile doesn’t falter. I keep it intact.  
I go to sit next to Niall, and I see him studying me with a concerned expression in his face. I pinch his thigh as I get closer to him. His face changes quickly which is what I wanted. I haven’t looked  
directly at Louis yet, but I know exactly where he is. Involuntarily, my eyes look for him sideways and I see he’s busy tuning the guitar. His head always remains bowed.  
-What did Martin want? -Niall asks me and soon as he asks that, Louis’ head lifts but he doesn’t turn to look at me.  
Well, that’s a really good question. I don’t even know what that was all about, the only thing positive I brought up from him was that he could finally give me a chance to get to that competition.  
-He told me he listened to my demo. I guess I’ll have to wait to see if he really likes it.  
-Really? - Zayn asks from his spot in the room. -That’s amazing, mate.  
-Yeah, it is. -I fake my enthusiasm. I was trying to be happy about it. I’ve been the whole past week only caught up in this matter, but right now, I couldn’t care less.  
-Well, we’ll have to celebrate it then, right Louis? -Liam exclaims and automatically both Niall’s head and mine turn in Louis’ direction. Nonetheless, he doesn’t even flinch, he keeps tuning the guitar, or perhaps retuning the guitar for the millionth time now.  
-Right. -he merely says. I turn to look at Liam and I see he’s staring at Louis with a questioning look.  
-Have you already taken a look at the new songs? -I ask quickly trying to deviate the subject.  
-No, not yet. -Zayn responds. -We were waiting for you.  
As I try to focus on another matter, Liam doesn’t stop looking at Louis as if he were trying to decipher a mystery.  
-You’re behaving weird. -Liam ends up telling him. Louis tenses up and so do I, but Niall doesn’t give him time to continue talking because he stands up quickly from the sofa.  
-Now that we’re all here, we should start, shall we?  
***  
We’ve been rehearsing for hours but it was clear that something was off. During the rehearsals, there’s no banters, even Niall is weirdly silent. I haven’t said much but neither has Louis. He has not even deigned to look at me in the eyes. I’ve been trying to keep a smile on my face the amount of time that it could be considered normal, but Louis rarely speaks, not even to Zayn. After half an hour, I could see how Liam and Zayn were communicating with their eyes. They were starting to realize something had changed, nonetheless they don’t dare to touch upon the subject. It’s only when we finish for the day and Louis is the first one to leave without even saying goodbye that Zayn speaks about it.  
-What the fuck is going on? -The question is directed to me, but I don’t have to answer because Zayn leaves in a run to follow Louis.  
-Hey, are you ok? - Niall asks me. -Do you want some company?  
I really appreciate it, but I have to refuse his offer.  
-No, thanks. -I shake my head. -I’m going to head off.  
-Ok.  
I take my jacket and as I put it on, I see that Liam’s looking at Niall and me intermittently as if he were expecting someone to explain. Sadly, it was not going to be me. I leave with a last goodbye and as I get out of the door, the cold wind hits my face making me hide it behind the jacket lapels.  
The sky above me is turning blue and purple. There are not too many minutes left for it to totally darken. I walk and walk not paying too much attention to my surroundings. I try to process how this evening went. I try to understand how everything has changed from one week to the other. I feel frustrated, useless, and angry with myself. My hands are tied, and I can do nothing to go back to where we were. The idea of me being able to participate in the competition has lost all its meaning. Now, all I had in my mind was Louis, and everything I lost when he left.  
I walk by inertia till I find myself standing in front of my door. I open it and as I get in, I realize I’m waiting for Clifford’s barking to welcome me. But a silent room is all I find. The idea that one week ago at this very moment, I was walking through this door with Louis by my side hits me. The fact that we spent the whole evening messing around in the living room and watching Friends struck me. The memory of us in bed…And that’s what it has become now. A memory.  
Something salty gets to my lips and It’s not till I wipe the tears away that I realize that I’ve started crying. I go directly to my bedroom and I hide myself from the world under my bedsheets.  
The darkness around me turns into a perfect blackboard for my brain to draw on. Every detail flashes through my mind.  
Louis was not just upset about the breaking. I felt how my mere presence incommoded him. He didn’t even look at me. He didn’t say a word more than the strictly. I get that from now on, our interactions are going to be awkward and I know I need to move on, but even if those moments make me feel like shit, at the end of the day, they are the only way I can still have him in my life. I need to get a grip and realize that I’ve become someone he doesn’t want around. So, the best thing I could do for me and for him is forget him.  
Laying in bed wrapped in my covers I can’t help thinking I feel lonelier than ever.


	24. Chapter 24

The hallway is empty as I get in the building, it’s only when I’m about to come into the rehearsal’s room that someone shouts my name from the distance. I turn around to find Laura, one of the technicians of this place.  
-Hey Harry!  
-Hey, what’s up? -I greet her.  
-Not much. -She shrugs. -Martin is telling everyone that he wants to see you. I don’t know what it might be though.  
-Oh, ok, thanks.  
-No problem. -She disappears through the door that leads to the stage.  
I start walking towards Martin’s office. I don’t know what he might want now from me. It’s unbelievable how regardless of my attempts to avoid him, I always find myself walking this same path almost every day.  
When the door is in front of me, I knock it and I hear Martin giving me permission to come in. I open the door and I find him where he always is. He tilts his head up to look at me as he gestures me to sit down on the chair in front of him.  
-Hello, Harry. -He greets me.  
-Hello. -I don’t get used to his sudden friendly mood towards me. It seems too out of place.  
-I have news for you. -He finishes typing something in the keyboard and all his body turns towards me to end up showing off a smile I quite don’t think it suits him. His smile looks forced as if his natural state prevented him from looking approachable. -Good news, actually.  
-Ok… What is it?  
-I sent your demo to the contest.  
That catches me by surprise. He did not only listen to it, but he sent it too.  
-And this morning -He continues- I’ve received an email from the contest organizers. You’re in. They have accepted you, Harry.  
-They have? -I ask him surprised. I can’t believe I got it. I’m in. The idea hits me, but I don’t get the reaction I was expecting. I can’t feel excited about it, everything that once worried me has lost all its meaning.  
-They have. So, now get ready for the days to come. I will keep you updated as everything goes by.  
-Ok. -I stand up from my chair but there’s something in my mind I need to tell him. -Martin, I wanted to thank you for all this. I don’t know what happened to make you change your mind, but I appreciate it.  
Martin looks at me with a grin in his face. He seems to enjoy my words.  
-It’s no problem at all. -He says waving a hand.  
-Well, I guess I’ll see you around. -I get to the door and I go out.  
I’m in. I’m in. All I want to do right now is run to Louis and share the good news with him, but I can’t do that.  
I head to the rehearsal’s room. When I open the door, I find them all four already rehearsing their songs, every one of them in one corner of the room. Nobody has realized that I’m here yet, so I take advantage of the moment and I let myself stare at Louis more than I should. His white shirt fits him like a glove and some strands of his hair is falling down his forehead while he plays the guitar. I miss him so much that it’s starting to hurt physically. I must have done some noise while I take off my jacket and hang it on one of the hangers, because everybody turns to look at me.  
-Harry! -Niall yells. -You’re late, mate! We were waiting for you to practise the group songs.  
-Oh. Sorry. I was talking to Martin. -I excuse myself.  
-Again? -Liam asks me.  
-Yeah, again. -I huff. -This time are good news though.  
-They are? -Niall asks me resting his guitar against the wall.  
-I have been selected. -I inform them.  
-No way! Dude, that’s wicked! -Zayn shouts running to me to lift me up from the floor.  
-Yeah. -I chuckle patting his back while he keeps holding me in the air. I become aware that this is the first time that I laugh or at least, smile with the idea of me being part of the competition.  
-Now, we really need to celebrate this! Tonight, at my house, the beers are on me. - Niall cheers.  
-I don’t know, Niall. -I tell him. I’m not in the mood for parties lately.  
-Oh, don’t do all that “I don’t know, Niall” to me, Harry. This is something good. Mate, you’re in. This is what you wanted, remember?  
Yes, I do remember but I feel like that was ages ago. Maybe it was what I wanted, but it’s not what I need now. But he’s right, I should move on. I can’t let myself get so down to the point that I can’t see the good things that happen to me.  
-Yeah, maybe you’re right. -I say and Niall open his arms for me, and I give in the hug.  
-Of course, I’m right. You’re going to smash it, Haz! -he shouts next to my ear.  
From the hollow of Niall’s neck, I get a glimpse at Louis. He seems off, he keeps playing with his guitar but now that he’s stood up, I see that he can’t keep himself straight. His steps are faltering and he’s stumbling.  
-Ok, so now that we already have plans for tonight, should we begin with the group songs? -Liam suggests.  
-Absolutely. -Niall says.  
We all gather around, and we sit on the floor to start singing. I know the lyrics of the song, so I don’t need to keep reading all the time. The instrumental of the song is playing as we sing on top of it. When we get to my part, I start singing and my eyes travel to Louis’ direction by their own will. However, I don’t cower. I keep my gaze steady till I know Louis feels my eyes on him. When he tilts his head, our eyes connect. I can’t break the eye contact. It’s been so long since he doesn’t look at me that I can’t halt this moment. My heart starts pounding fast and my mouth gets dry as I continue singing, and this time, I sing only for him. I don’t care about anyone else. The moment lasts till the moment seems to overwhelm him and he lowers his head. Shit.  
Before the song finishes, I realize Louis has stopped singing and he’s shaking his head.  
-Sorry, guys. -He stands up and quickly he grabs his jacket and leaves the place.  
What the fuck? Worry burns inside of me.  
He’s left after our gazes collided. He can’t even bear to look at me anymore. The anguish of this simple thought breaks through every cell of my body.  
-There’s something wrong with him. -Zayn says. Clearly worried about Louis behaviour. -I’ve tried to talk to him, but he doesn’t let me in.  
-He looked drunk. -I murmur. - Do you think…  
-Yeah, I think he is. -Niall says considering my words.  
-For fuck’s sake. I’m going to look for him. -Zayn swears and he stands up from the carpet.  
-I’m coming with you. -Liam says standing up as well.  
They disappear through the door. And the moment they leave, I feel a weight in my chest so big that I just can’t ignore it. I feel my face is contracted and the urge to cry makes me feel a lump in my throat.  
-Niall. –His name comes out of my mouth as a broken mumble.  
-Hey, Harry. - He says worried. -He’s going to be fine. -He shortens the distance between the two of us and he draws me to him in a hug.  
The idea of him wandering drunk in the streets makes my stomach twirl. What if something happens to him? The frustration of not being able to do anything kills me. I hope Zayn and Liam finds him.  
-What am I supposed to do now, Niall? - I ask him desperately. -I can’t deal with the idea of… -My voice fades as I pronounce the words.  
-Of what? -He asks breaking the hug and looking at my eyes attentively.  
I can’t say it. I feel like if I say it out loud it’ll become more real.  
-Of him and me not being together anymore. I can’t feel anything since he left. Anything at all. I’ve become numb of every emotion. -My voice breaks. -And I don’t how to fix it.  
-Shh… You’re going to be alright, Harry. -Niall calms me. -Both of you are going to be alright.  
-I need to let him go, don’t I? -I ask him as if the answer was there, in front of me, but I was too blinded to see it.  
***  
The rehearsal ended the moment Louis left. I still don’t know if he’s alright. But I’m trying to convince myself that he’s fine. He has to be. I’m walking by myself on the street. Niall wanted to come with me, but I needed time to think. Different thoughts collapse in my mind without rest. I know this is over, even if a part of me was hoping to get him back. I know he’s gone, and I need to end this, for our own benefit. We can’t keep up with this behaviour.  
I’m almost arriving to my house when suddenly something clicks in my head. If I have to say goodbye to him, I have to do it right. I stop my walking and I start running in the opposite direction. Words come to me as if the need to get them out were vital. When I’m aware of where I am, Louis’ flat is in front of me.  
Without overthink it, I open my bag and I take a pen and the notebook I’m always carrying with me. I rip one page off, and I start writing.  
 _Hi Louis._  
 _I probably shouldn’t be writing this letter. I suppose they don’t mean anything anymore but since we haven’t spoken since you went away, I needed a way to tell you all this._  
 _You know how important this contest was for me, I thought this could be such a good opportunity… But now, now that you’re gone… All my priorities have been sorted out. I’m trying so hard to be happy about the fact that I’m in, but I can’t get it. I can’t even smile with you gone. It just doesn’t mean anything to me anymore._  
 _I know we’ve run out of things we can say and I’m aware you can’t even look at me in the eyes. I don’t really know what I did wrong. I don’t know why you wanted to end things, but I accept it. I just want you to be happy, and if this is what it takes, I’ll take it._  
 _I know this is going to make me look ridiculous, but I need you to know. I’ve been writing a lot lately, and I’ve realized you are the main character in most of my songs. Wherever I go, I can see you. I can still feel you. But I promise I’m going to try my best to forget you. If only looking at your eyes didn’t make it harder…But I’ll try. Just give me more time._  
 _Goodbye._  
 _Harry x._  
I fold the paper in two and before I regret it, I put the letter into his mailbox.


	25. Chapter 25

I wake up in my bed, and he’s not here. His scent in my bedsheets is starting to fade, maybe it could be because of the fact that lately I can only sleep if I do it on his side of the bed. It’s the only way I can still feel a little bit attached to him. I let out a sigh as I get up to go to the kitchen. I turn on the kettle and as I wait, I look for a good playlist to play.  
I sit on my kitchen drinking my steamy cuppa when Champagne Supernova by Oasis starts playing.  
Maybe I am being masochistic, and I know that by playing this song I’m not doing a very good job at detaching myself from him, but who said it would be easy? This song feels like the last string to connect me with him. I let myself drown in the memories of us dancing in the kitchen like no one were watching us. A sad smirk appears on my face as I recall the sound of his laugh and the wrinkles by his eyes, the feeling of his lips, his skin against mine. I don’t know how much time it’ll take me to forget him, but I do know it’s not going to be soon. I keep repeating to myself that I will find somebody like him, that I will be able to feel the same I did when I was with him. It scares me the thought of never feeling it again. The memories fade away as soon as the song ends.  
The next song plays and the melody of Wouldn’t be nice by The Beach Boys comes out of the speakers and fills the whole room. I find myself singing along the chorus as I wash the cup I’ve used. The meaning of the lyrics of the song hit me as it has never done before.

  
_“Happy times together we've been spending,_  
_I wish that every kiss was never ending_ _,_  
_Oh, wouldn't it be nice?”_

  
-Yeah, it would be nice. -I answer to the song and I feel stupid at that same instant.  
The next song starts playing but I stop paying attention to it. I keep myself busy cleaning the house and changing the bedsheets once and for all. I have to take this step by step. I go from one room to the other when the doorbell rings. I am not expecting anyone, but It must be Gemma to catch up on how I’m doing. I leave the broom resting against one of the walls of the living room and I dodge the bedsheets that are laying on the floor which waiting for me to pick them up to put them in the washing machine.  
I open the door expecting to see my sister but who is in the other side of the door leaves me petrified. It’s like my feet are stuck to the floor. I can barely breathe.  
-What are you doing here? -I ask.  
-Have you already forgotten me? – Louis’ voice sounds broken, and his eyes seem lost. He looks scared. He seems like he’s lost something and he can’t find it anywhere.  
He’s here. My Lou is here.  
-What? – I ask confused.  
-Your letter… -He puts one hand inside his pocket, and he takes out a ripped paper, which I recognize from my notebook, and he shows it to me. He looks at me waiting for an answer. But I get tongue-tied. -You have forgotten me, haven’t you? -He asks me. His eyes are red, and his face is puffy.  
-Lou, are you ok? – I open the door for him, but he doesn’t come in.  
-Harry, answer my question, please. -He sounds begging.  
-Of course not, Lou.  
It does not take long when I feel his hands on my hips pushing me against the wall. He brings my mouth to his. His touch is harsh, but I don’t mind it, I take it all in. His taste, his flair, his everything. He runs both hands through my hair, tangling his fingers between my curls and his kiss deepens.  
-Lou…-I get to say between gasps. There’s something wrong. I feel it. My pulsations are raising. He’s between my legs pushing against all the right places but I feel something is off. -Lou…-I call him again breaking our kiss.  
-Just fucking kiss me, Harry. -I look at his eyes. Blue is all I can see. And I don’t know why but I see that he needs this. I can’t do another thing but give it to him.  
I open my mouth for him, caressing his lips on my way. Our tongues touch and I hear him growl. I touch his face trying to slow his rhythm, but his hips push against me intensifying the feeling.  
-Harry...- Louis’ voice sounds agonised. -Harry…-He repeats my name whispering it against my lips. He cups my cheeks to pull me closer. -I…- He looks broken. My hands travel fast to his face and I break the kiss. My eyes hold his stare, we don’t break eye contact. And oh god, I don’t want it to break. It’s been so long since I have seen his eyes this close.  
-Lou, what is it? - Louis stares at me as if he didn’t believe I was there, in front of him.- Hey, honey.- I feel my fences falling. I caress his cheeks and a tear falls from his right eye. I wipe it away quickly. My heart hurts for seeing him like this. -What is it? Talk to me.  
-I can’t do this. -Louis says. His eyes are begging. I don’t understand what he means. Is he already regretting coming back to me? Is he taking a step back from me again?  
-What can’t you do? -His grip on my hair looses but I refuse to let him go. I hold him tighter, closer to me. Our mouths are inches away, our breathings are mixing.  
His head drops and more tears fall down, he’s breaking in front of me and I feel powerless.  
-Please, Lou, talk to me. -My voice sounds desperate, begging.  
-I can’t keep going on like this. I can’t keep pretending. -He finally looks at me, and I see him, I really see him. -I need you, Harry. -He sighs.  
I kiss him. I’ve missed him so badly. Awareness of his words cut deep inside of me.  
-Pretending? Why would you have to pretend?  
-I just…- He takes a few steps apart from me. -The pressure was huge. He said this wouldn’t be good for you. For us. He was so insisting. Every fucking time I saw him, he made sure he was getting inside my brain all these bloody ideas... He said everything would be better if we were  
apart. He said that we wouldn’t last. And then…the contest… It was the only way to make him change his mind. I guess I didn’t imagine I would feel like dying on the way.  
I clench my fist at his words. Everything fits, like a fucking puzzle with all his little pieces. Martin.  
-Harry… -he turns to look at me. -I’ve tried so hard. Everything I did was pointless. Obstacles never disappeared; they were always there. I tried to drink on them, to sleep on them, but they were always there. They still are. - He pauses and his face shrinks. -I didn’t know how to tell you. -His voice breaks and lets out a brief sob. I take a step closer, but he keeps talking. -I tried to find the words to explain this… but how could we win when there was so much to lose? When I could lose you? It was the only way to make you happy. I couldn’t bear see you getting broken like that again… But I guess I did end up losing you. -He looks at me, his eyes fixed on mine. -You seemed fine. You were happy without me. You got in the contest. -I shake my head at that idea.  
-No… -I whisper.  
-I thought he was right after all. Everything was better, at least for you. That’s all I had to comfort me. I was not, but you were. That was all I cared about.  
I keep shaking my head to each and every one of his statements.  
-I’m tired, Harry. Tired of pretending, of being tough. -Louis takes a deep breath and he bites his bottom lip. – I guess I just want to be loved by you. Do you still remember feeling in love? Feeling in love with me?  
My face changes completely at his question. How could he even imply I could ever forget?  
-Darling…- I take a step closer breaking the distance between us. I hold him and he lets himself lean on me. I tight my grip around him. -I could never forget feeling in love with you. It’s you. Always. I felt like dying when you left. I guess I was just pretending too. I didn’t want you to see me like that. You left me, I thought I should keep the little pride I had left. I faked every smile, every laugh since you left. Getting in the contest ended up meaning nothing.  
Louis tights his grip around me and I fell his clench against my clothes.  
-Lou, I love you. -I assure him. -We need to take it easy. We need to communicate because we can’t let him win. We are together, we are a team. It’s you and me, and he can’t do anything about it. We’re going to take it step by step. Day by day, ok? Together.  
-Ok. -Louis whispers against my lips and I have missed so much his presence that I give in and I kiss him once again.  
After minutes holding each other, Louis takes a glimpse at my living room and a little smile appears on his face. God, I want to see him smile every fucking minute of my life.  
-Were you doing laundry without me?  
I get the Friends reference immediately. I laugh at his question. It’s been the first real laugh that comes out from me since what it seems like ages.  
-You could help me with it if you want. -I tell him with a smirk on my face and rubbing our nose together.  
-I would love that.  
We kiss again and we don’t break apart on our way to the bedroom. We step on the bedsheets laying on the ground and among laughs we fall onto the naked bed when we get there. It’s only the mattress, but the idea of getting his aroma on it instead of the bedsheets makes me think it’ll last longer. The laughs disappear as we get conscious of how much we’ve missed each other. Everything turns more powerful, deeper, and rougher.  
***  
I don’t know how we’ve ended up falling asleep. Despite my inability of sleeping without nothing covering me, the warmth of his naked body must have been enough. It must be midday by now, but Louis sleeps next to me peacefully as if he’s spent days without sleep. I turn to face him, and I am just contemplating him when I see a piece of paper on the pillow in the space between us. Did he…? I take it carefully not to wake him up.  
I sit on the bed, leaning my back on the wall and I unfold the paper.

  
_Dear Harry,_  
_I need to be honest with you. This time, I’m going to say what I really want to say._  
_What we have is probably one of the best things that has happened to me. I don’t understand why in this fucked up world, we need to explain ourselves more than it’s necessary. I will never understand why there’s people against the happiness of others when it has nothing to do with them. It’s always the same… I guess this world needs more kindness._  
_If I’m being really honest, I must tell you I’m scared. Scared that the pressure becomes bigger than us. I keep repeating the words you said to me last night. It’s just you and me. And only us can control ourselves. We have to stay together._  
_I just hope I don’t get lost in this sea of masked people._  
_I love you._  
_Louis x._

  
I turn to stare at his resting face. He’s still asleep but I can’t hold the urge to talk to him.  
I lay again on the bed and I get closer to his face. His eyelashes rest against his cheeks and the rhythm of his breathing is slow. It bugs me to awaken him, but I need him to wake up. I blow at his face and I see how he shrinks his nose. I try to hold a chuckle at his cute reaction, but he doesn’t wake up. I try again blowing harder and finally his eyelids flutter open and his blue eyes get focused on me.  
-Hi. -I tell him coy but with a huge smile on my face.  
-Hi. -He says back placing both of his hands under the pillow and getting closer to kiss me.  
I kiss him back and when we draw apart, I put the letter in front of him.  
-What is this? -I ask him placing a hand around his hip and pulling our bodies closer. He does the same and I feel how he starts caressing my naked skin with his fingertips.  
-Don’t you see that it’s a letter? – He asks me with a cheeky smile.  
-Yeah, I can see that, thank you for the information. -I chuckle. I missed him so much. -But why have you given it to me while you’re literally next to me?  
He shrugs.  
-Thanks to you I’ve realized I am better at words if I write them than if I speak them. And I needed you to know where I am standing and what’s going on in my mind.  
I know what he means but I feel so happy about the fact that he’s finally here that I joke around with him.  
-Where you’re standing? Lou, honey, you’re beside me. Don’t you see it?  
He rolls his eyes, but he laughs. -I do now.


	26. Chapter 26

We’ve spent the whole morning in bed, and it seems like it’s never a good time for both of us to get out. We try to make it last the longest we can. We’re tangled up in each other’s bodies. I finally had to go and take some new bedsheets for us to cover because I was starting to get cold but nonetheless, I’ve cherished every one of his kisses, every touch, and every whisper against my ear.  
We have to be at rehearsals in half an hour, so with all of our willpower, we get dressed among furtive glances and smiles and we get out of the house before we have time to regret it.  
It’s cold but right now I couldn't care less while I’m walking holding his hand. I start to think that I couldn't care less about anything as long as I were still holding on to him. It seems like I've waited a million years for this. Like I’ve been living to get to this.  
We get through the door at the rehearsal’s room and all the boys are already here. Well, obviously we’re late.  
-Hey. -Zayn greets us as he’s the first one we bump into. He’s busy looking for something in one of the cupboards but suddenly his eyes travel down to see our hands clasped. A corner of his lips switches up and his eyes bright up. I bite my lips trying to smother a smile, but I start laughing when Louis speaks.  
-Anything to say, Malik?  
-Yes! -He jumps to hug Louis and we let go the grip of our hands.  
I take off my coat as I witness the loving interaction between Louis and Zayn.  
-What’s going on now? -Liam asks getting closer to us.  
At Liam’s voice, Zayn breaks the hug and runs towards him.  
-They’re back together! -Zayn shouts.  
-What!?-Niall’s scream sounds from the other side of the room and when I get to see where he is standing, all of a sudden, he’s running towards me and jumps at my arms. -I knew you wouldn’t last separated too long! Are you really together?  
I nod at his question and he screams again and holds me tighter.  
-Ok, ok, enough. -Louis says laughing.  
-Are you going to finally explain what happened? -Zayn asks.  
Louis, Zayn, and Niall sit on the sofa while Liam and I sit on the carpet in front of them.  
I stare at Louis while he starts speaking.  
-I made a deal with Martin. -He says bluntly. All of them look at him confused but in my case, I start to feel sick of my stomach at the idea of Martin’s plan. -He assured me that if I broke up with Harry, he’d make sure that he gets in the contest. So… I gave in and I broke up with him. -He looks at me with apologizing eyes, but I smile at him shaking my head trying to tell him that all has passed now.  
-So, this was all because of Martin? -Liam asks incensed.  
-It’s mental. -Zayn says under his breath.  
-It really is. -Niall says.  
-What are you going to do now? You can’t let him win. -Liam asks us.  
-We are together and that’s how we are going to stay. -Louis says. -We’ll try to be subtle in front of him, I don’t know.  
-This is crazy. -Zayn whispers.  
-Ok, good, but what if Martin insists? What if he suspects that you’re back together? -Liam asks again.  
-Then, I’ll say what he wants to hear. – Louis answers. -That obviously we’re not together. Obviously.  
-Listen up, lads. -I don’t like to talk about this. -If we keep talking about him, he keeps winning. We are going to stay together no matter what. The only one who can break our relationship is ourselves and only if it’s what we really want. We cannot let ourselves be intimidate just because what people might think of us. -I say. -Now, we should just keep practicing the songs. Music is why we’re here, remember?

  
***

  
The streets are deserted, just a few cars pass them while Liam and Zayn walk next to each other. The temperatures have dropped in the last hours due to the sunset. None of them say anything but you could see that there is something bothering Liam.  
-What if the dog has died? - He asks Zayn out of the blue.  
-What the fuck? - Zayn who was tranquil in his walk turns to Liam to look at him as if he had lost his mind. -Why would he be dead?  
-I don’t know Zayn. We left him alone in your house. Maybe he jumped out of a window or something.  
-What? -Zayn can’t believe what he’s hearing but Liam looks indeed pretty concerned about the wellbeing of the dog. -Do you think dogs are that dumb? - Zayn raises his eyebrows expecting an answer from Liam but he just shrugs. -Liam, don’t worry. I’m sure he’s fine. I left him fresh water and food before we left.  
-What if he has eaten a wire of your PlayStation? -Liam asks again. -He could choke.  
That question seems to trigger Zayn who halts his steps and looks at Liam very serious.  
-If the dog has eaten anything from my Play, he’s really going to be in danger.  
-Fuck off. -Liam says laughing.  
-I’m serious. -Zayn laughs too.  
Between jokes, their steps accelerate to reach the house earlier just in case something actually happened to the dog. When Zayn gets the keys and opens the door, the dog is already jumping on them happy to see them again.  
-See? - Zayn tells Liam kneeling to pet affectionately the dog. -He’s in perfect state.  
-Boris, you’re alive! -Liam exclaims petting the dog too.  
The dog gets tired pretty quickly of all the attention he receives, so he ends up leaving them both kneeling on the floor. They keep watching the dog as he walks further from them.  
-Like father, like son. -Liam huffs standing up.  
-What’s that supposed to mean? -Zayn fakes to be offended which only gets Liam to pull a face at him.  
The house remains as they left, it could be tidier, but it cannot be considered dirty either. The living room is pretty enlightened, and it is big enough for a big couch and a TV. Liam goes to the kitchen to prepare coffee while Zayn heads to the bedroom. Nonetheless, when Zayn gets to sit on his bed, he sees or exactly, he feels something that does not like a bit.  
-No. Fucking. Way. -He babbles to himself while he touches the humidity that has pierced the fabric of his trousers. He stands up quickly to study what happened to his bed, and the smell and the colour of the stain make it very easy for him to identify. -Liam!!! Come here right now!  
-What!? -Liam shouts back from the kitchen but he starts walking towards the bedroom. When he enters the room with two mugs of coffee, he sees a very pissed Zayn. -What happened?  
-What happened!? Boris has fucking peed on my bed! That’s what happened!  
As simple as that, Liam burst laughing in front of Zayn who seems to be angrier every second it passes.  
-I’m not fucking laughing, Liam!  
-Well, it is funny. -Liam says. -I guess we should take him for a walk.  
-No, not we. You. You should take him for a walk. -Zayn stresses. -I’m changing the bedsheets and I’m going to take a shower. -He says taking off his trousers.  
The laughter of Liam stops at that moment.  
-No. This is our dog. You go and have that shower. But we’re both going for the walk. I’ll help you with the bed later.  
-Are you really going to make me? -Zayn asks him getting inside the bathroom that it’s in the same bedroom.  
-Don’t call it like that, love. Deep down, I know you want to go for a walk. Unless you rather Boris to pee again on your bed.  
-Ha, ha, ha. -Zayn fakes his laughter as he gets in the shower. The sound of running water fills the room where Liam is waiting. -You sleep in that bed too, so the joke is on you too. -Zayn shouts to make his voice audible above the shower. The response makes Liam roll his eyes as he keeps laughing silently. -Liam! - Zayn calls.  
-What? -Liam asks him sitting on the dry part of the bed.  
-You could join me in the shower as an offset.  
-Ha! Nop. If I get in there, we’re not getting out any time soon. I don’t buy it. I know your malevolent intentions; we’re going for that walk.  
-Shit! Then, I deserve some flowers or some shit like that.  
-Do you want flowers? -Liam asks him incredulous but enjoying the idea.  
-Absolutely! - He shouts. -Roses. I like roses. Keep that in mind.

***

  
Liam and Zayn are now laying on the bed, facing each other with the bedsheets covering them up to the neck. It is cold as fuck and Zayn’s apartment has no heating. However, they don’t seem to care since they are tangled up in each other’s body pleasantly.  
-Liam…  
-Hmm…-Liam hums drowsy.  
-Can I ask you something? - Liam nods while he looks directly at Zayn’s brown eyes. -If anything happens to us like it did with Harry and Louis… would you try to get us back together? To solve it?  
-Why are you asking that? -Liam asks him with a frown.  
-I don’t know. -He shrugs. -I can’t help thinking that what we have has an expiration date and it scares the shit out of me.  
-Listen to me, Zayn. Harry and Louis are the bravest people I know, and they are going to get through this. They make so obvious the fact that they love each other… and you know what? It takes courage to love like they do. Like we do. We have to be fearless; he have to stay together so no one can say that we don’t belong. Love is fucking love. And everyone has the right to love whoever they fucking want. And I love you. So, of course, I’d try to solve it. I would fight endlessly to stay with you.  
Every word Liam says effects on Zayn as a soothing balm.  
-Even if we can only be who we are when we’re alone? -Zayn asks him.  
-Even if we can only be who we are when we’re alone. -Liam replies.


	27. Chapter 27

A month has passed since Louis and I are back together. We’re trying to be as much discreet as we can and for now it seems like we’re doing a good job, I’m not sure if it will last for too long though. Sometimes I find myself staring at him more than I should, and I know it’s only a matter of time for Martin to figure out that we’re still together. I don’t care, though. I kind of want to everyone know that I’m with Lou and that he’s mine.  
As a normal Saturday morning, I’m doing all the cleaning I don’t do during the week. Louis has left soon this morning to go for a walk with Clifford. It’s been two hours now and he hasn’t come back yet. Nonetheless, a little chirp from my phone startles me. It’s a message from him.  
“Pack a few things and get out of the house”.  
What the fuck? Another message pops up on the phone. “Don’t make me come in and get you Harold!!!”  
I narrow at the phone trying to understand what’s going on. I start typing. “Where are you?”  
I receive his reply right away. “I’m outside”. And then, “In the car”.  
In the car? What car? And what am I supposed to pack? Food? Clothes? I decide that calling him would save us much more time.  
-I’m waiting! -Louis voice greets me on the other side of the phone call.  
-Can you please explain to me what is going on with more words than that? -I ask him while I rummage in my wardrove to find a bag.  
I hear the sound of his laugh against my ear and it’s infectious because I start grinning while I empty a big green bag. – By the way, whose car have you stolen? You don’t have a car.  
-I borrowed it to my sister. She’s with Clifford too. I convinced her to lend me her car for the weekend.  
-And where are we going? What do I pack?  
-Some clothes would be enough… and pack something for me too, please. I haven’t prepared this too much. Oh! And a guitar would be great.  
-Oh my god, Lou. Where are you taking us?  
-It’s a surprise, Haz. Come on! You should be ready by now.  
-I’m coming! -I hang up the phone.  
I finish packing after I take both of our toothbrushes and I head out of the house.  
He’s waiting for me leaning against the car. He’s wearing sunglasses and a jacket that suits him perfectly. Not to mention those jeans…  
When he hears the door closing, he turns to see me, and a smile appears on his face. It still shocks me how I’m able to make him smile just by mere presence. It makes my chest burst with pride.  
-You better have a good plan to make all this in such a hurry. -I say opening the passenger’s door and getting in the car. Louis enters after me and I put the bag on the backseats.  
-The best plans are the ones that are not planned. -He tilts his head towards me with such a mischievous smile that all I can do is turning to stare at him.  
-Are they? - I know I’m gawking at him, but he just leans towards me and kiss me. His lips fit with mine so perfectly it leaves me gasping for air. God, I’m so down for him.  
-Let’s go! -He exclaims and turns the engine on.  
We spend hours on the road. It has started snowing so I know we’re heading north. I still don’t know where we’re going but It’s ok as long as I’m with him. I just hope he really knows where he’s taking us, if we get lost and, in this car, we’re going to end up dying from hypothermia.  
The road trip turns into a contest in who knows more of the songs on the radio. We don’t stop singing and laughing at anything that comes into our heads. Nothing has too much sense, but the thing is that it doesn’t have to when it’s only us.  
After two and a half hours, we get to a small village with very cute cabins. Louis stops the car in front of one which is lovely. The walls are white, and it has just a bunch of blue windows on its front. Everything is white due to the snow, and the only noise that can be heard is the chirping of the birds flying through the trees. We get out of the car and the cold hits me immediately. I feel my nose get redden just by the change of temperatures.  
-Where are we, Lou? -I ask him while I close the door and I turn to see him.  
He’s staring at me with excited eyes. -Do you see this house right here? -He asks me pointing at it dramatically. -It’s ours for the whole weekend.  
-Really? Why?  
-Yeah. It’s my aunt’s. She’s let us stay here for the weekend with one condition. -He’s studying my reaction, but he ends up surrounding my shoulders with his arms and he gets me closer to him. -Let’s head in. You’re starting to freeze.  
-Fuck yeah.  
We make our way in the house. The wooden floor creaks as we step inside. A very small hall welcome us. We get to the living room. In the centre of it there’s a sofa big enough for both of us. A scarlet carpet is underneath it, which makes the room look homier someway. However, what really catches my attention it’s the brick fireplace. It’s cold in here and the first thing we do is light it up. After a few minutes, when we get the fire to be steady, the room starts to heat up a little. It’s only then when I finish studying the rest of the room. And I gasp when I see what’s next to the door.  
-Oh my god! What do we have here? - I run to look at it better and Louis follows me to stand next to me while I tap carefully at the fish tank.  
-Yep, this is the condition I was talking to you about earlier. We have to care of the fish. It’s not a big deal. We only have to feed him two times a day.  
I duck my head to be at the same level than the fish.  
-Hello, little one. -I say. -Look how cute you are with your golden scales.  
-Do you want to see the rest of the house? -Louis asks me but I’m too busy contemplating the fish.  
-It’s cute, isn’t it? It remains me of you.  
-What? - He chuckles. -Is that supposed to be flattering?  
I shrug.  
-Show me the rest of the house. - I tell him and he does.  
We go to the kitchen which is huge with a big isle in the middle. Everything is made of wood and it looks old and worn-out but at the same time everything looks well care taken.  
-I’ve been coming here since I was a little boy. It’s been a while since the last time, to be honest.  
-It must’ve been fun.  
-It really was. All my siblings and cousins used to rule this house. -He laughs.  
After visiting the kitchen, we go to the bedroom and a king-size bed its all that there is in the bedroom.  
-This is the guestroom. There’s no wardrobe but since we don’t have that many clothes, I guess it’s ok. -He says  
-It is. -I say and I take the chance to be bolt. -I’m going to keep you naked as much as I can, anyways.  
-Is that a promise? -He stares at me with a cheeky smile.  
-You can bet on it. -I whisper in his ear and I kiss him on his cheek before we make our way back to the living room.  
***  
-Budge up. -I say trying to get myself comfortable in this moisty trap.  
One of the main bedrooms has a bathroom with a large bathtub in it, so that’s where we are right now, facing each other surrounded by warm water and with our messily tangled legs on the middle of the tub.  
-This is not working. -Louis says splashing out some of the water when he tries to move to find a better pose.  
-It is working if you stop moving. -I say laughing and getting some water inside my mouth. I grab his legs and I place them over me. I open my legs slightly to make more space for him. His legs slide off mine when I lift my knees. This pose is not helpful either. Now I feel open and vulnerable in this ridiculous position.  
The stroke of his feet against my thighs, though, seems to appease both of us as we fall silent without breaking eye contact.  
-This is nice. -Louis says curling his lips.  
I chuckle. He doesn’t look like he’s enjoying it though. -Is it? Who would’ve said that with that face? -I tease him.  
-For fuck’s sake, Haz. I got burnt with the damn water when I got in, it’s not my fault that I wasn’t very comfortable.  
-Hey! I’m not saying anything. -I raise my hands in a surrender way.  
-I’m better now. -He says.  
The water is perfectly warm against my cool skin and the fact that our bodies are so close makes me feel the heat radiating from his skin.  
We don’t say much. His feet keep stroking mellowly my legs and my hands have travelled unconsciously to his knees and now I’m drawing on them with the water and my fingertips. Maybe the bathtub wasn’t too big for both of us, but it was worth the try. I’ve insisted till I convinced him. It’s been so long since I haven’t had a proper bath that I wanted to have it, and if it were with him, so much better.  
-I think I haven’t been this intimate with anyone before. -I dare to say.  
-I know what you mean. -The corner of his lips lift a little which makes his face soften. It’s so difficult to resist myself when he smiles like that. -Can I ask you something?  
-Anything. -I reply.  
-It’s an odd question but…- He starts.  
-Lou. You can ask me anything.  
-Ok… but… Ok… Do you ever feel like sometimes the world is going to turn against us?  
-What do you mean?  
-Like everything is out of control, and we can’t do anything about it. Like there’s something out there waiting for us to come out and everything and everyone is going to be ready to attack us. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning and being with you is the only thing that keeps me on the surface.  
-This has to do with your last letter, right? -I remember his letter where he says he feels lost in a sea of masked people. Every word he’s ever spoken and every worry he has, gains meaning.  
-Yeah, maybe, I don’t know. -He says touching his forehead with his wet fingertips.  
I look at him and I understand him. There’s something bigger than us that we can’t control out there. And the sad thing is that we can’t do anything about it. Even if it’s just trying to be subtle in public about our feelings or just the mere fact that everyone judges without knowing. We have been through all this Martin drama, but it would be naïve to think that that was going to be the only problem that we are going to face.  
-Hold on. I’ll be back in a minute. -I get out of the bathtub and I wrap myself in a white towel and I leave the room. Shit. It’s cold.  
-Where are you going? -Lou shouts at me. -If it’s a bizarre question, just say so! You don’t have to run away from me!  
-Wait up! -I shout. I need to find paper and a pen. And fast. I’m freezing my tits off. I open the first drawer of one wardrobe and nothing. I open the second one and there’s an old notebook with some pens and pencil scattered. - Bingo. -I mumble. I rip off one page of the notebook and I grab one pen. I go back to the bathroom and I lose my thought for a second when the sight of him in the water, with not enough foam to cover him, is all I see.  
-What are you doing? – Louis asks me watching me how I’m writing against the sink. -Are you writing a letter right now? -Lou asks me laughing.  
-Hush. -I sign it and blend it to give it to him. -He reaches to take it but I see drops falling from his hands. -Dry them first.  
-Fine. -I let him use the same towel I’ve used as I get in the water again.  
The heated water untight my muscles and I realize I can breathe again.  
-Shit! It’s cold. -I say holding a nervous chuckle.  
Lou’s staring at me expectantly with the letter in his hands.  
-Can I read it now?  
-Yeah. Go ahead.  
I study his reaction as he reads the letter, and every faction of his face softens in a way that makes my heart jump happily. I try to reproduce the words I’ve written in my mind as he’s reading them.

  
_Dear Lou,_   
_I’m going to be brief in this one because I want to make this very clear and because I’m freezing out here. If you ever, ever get lost in that sea, I will always be on the shore waiting for you. Always._   
_I love you._   
_Harry x._

  
When he finishes reading the letter, he only smiles at me and I know I’m smiling at him back. I’m waiting for him to say something. But he just blends it again and puts the letter safely over one of the towels.  
-Hazza, Hazza, Hazza. -He says turning to look at me again. He grabs my legs and caress it mellowly and I can’t give up looking at him. -My Hazza.  
-That’s me. -I tell him grinning.  
He chuckles. His hair is all messy and the urge to fix it is so tempting that I sit the best I can in the tub to get closer to him. I run my fingers into his hair trying to fix all the strands of hair that are out of their place. He closes his eyes enjoying my touch and his head tilts to me giving more access. The heaviness in my chest is so big that words are not enough for me to express how I feel. Nonetheless, I need to try to give voice to this.  
-I love you, Lou. -I keep caressing his hair and my lips get jealous of my hands so I get even closer and I kiss his head. -So much. -I lower my face to kiss him above his eyelids and then the corner of his lips, then his neck and finally, my lips softly rubs the delicate skin of his. I want to do it carefully, but Louis opens his mouth for me, and I just lose it. Our lips collide together before our tongues find themselves. -So so much. -I say gasping for air.  
-I love you too, Harry.


	28. Chapter 28

After the bath and having a quick lunch, we’re now laying on the carpet oblivious to the existence of the sofa next to us. The fire on the fireplace heats up our almost naked bodies. There’s barely a t-shirt and some pants covering our nakedness, but honestly, the microclimate that we’ve built up in this room keeps us away from the cold.  
The soft melody that comes out from the guitar when my thumb runs across the strings has left us both drowsy. I’m lying down in his lap, blatantly asking for affection that he gladly gives me. He rubs my already dry hair with his hands as I just feel him while I have my eyes closed. There’s no better place to be than this right here and right now.  
-Are you falling asleep? -He asks me. I feel his face close to mine and I know he’s bending himself to check if my eyes are closed.  
-I was. -I answer.  
-Move away the guitar. -I open my eyes and I stop playing. The music ceases and the only thing that I hear is Louis’ breathing.  
His whole body is bended and he’s supporting the weight of his body with his elbows to get a better sight of me.  
-What? -I ask as I catch him staring at me.  
-You look so cute over here and I can’t even witness it.  
I laugh. I turn around and I lay on top of him. I sit with my legs across his torso and all my body leans to him. I cup his face and I kiss him on the lips biting his bottom lip as I break apart from him again.  
-Could you do that again? -He asks me tightening his grip around my hip.  
-I totally could. -I lean back but this time I kiss him on the neck, and I leave a trail of kisses along his jaw till I get back to his mouth. His reaction is not something I expect to happen. He grabs my waist, and he turns us around leaving now Louis on top of me. I can’t help but laugh when he assaults my lips again. Nonetheless, the moment his head lowers, and he starts kissing the spot under my ear, my laughter fades.  
-Lou. -I call his name while my hands travel to his pants and I help him remove them. On the other hand, His hands take the hem of my t-shirt and he takes it off in seconds. The moment the t-shirt is gone, his mouth is back.  
We become a tangle of limbs on the carpet yearning for the touch of the other. Our breathings go faster as the time passes and the only thing that makes us stay grounded is the creaking of the fire and the noise of our gasping. Other than that, we don’t even realize when the sun sets, and the room darkens.  
***  
The night is cold. I don’t know how we’ve ended up both of us sitting on the roof of the house when there is a lovely fireplace on the first floor.  
It’s not snowing anymore but everything remains white while Louis and I are wrapped in the thickest blankets we’ve found. Our breaths come out of our mouths as steamy clouds but the view we have in front of us is totally worthy. Pine trees and other kinds coated by snow cover the horizon while the smoke from the chimneys of neighbouring houses gives the atmosphere a Christmas touch. Due to the lack of contamination, we’re able to see plenty of stars above us.  
I get closer to Louis as he rounds my back with his arm. My head leans into his shoulder and we remain like that, just both of us among the creaking sound of the cicadas and feeling the warmth of each other’s bodies.  
-We should do this at least every two weeks. -I suggest turning my head to look at his face. I can’t see him properly because of the lack of light but the moon lights his face slightly enough for me to know that he’s smiling at the idea.  
-Yeah. Every two weeks, we could escape everything and just be the two of us in this random place.  
-Sounds great. -I’m beaming with the thought.  
The whole thing receives a new meaning when I’m with Louis. Everything turns fuller and richer.  
These past months have been crazy. I’ve felt so lost. Lost in my own thoughts and all the whirlwind of events between us two and the job. Nonetheless, I realized as everything passed by, that being in love means that at some point you get lost. You lose all the control. Hearts may get broken and everything gets rough, but when everything goes away and you’re just holding the hand whose person you adore the most, you know deep down that everything is going to be alright.  
You must be brave to get to the point when you just know that to keep the one you want; you must fight and not give up. And when you know, you know.  
We could keep lying. We could keep pretending. Maybe the same stories were doomed to be repeated, even if we didn’t want to. But all along, it was pretty clear that there was no lie in our fire. There was no lie behind our masks.  
Sometimes you just have to wonder and to look through the glass to know that in our case, we are still going strong.


End file.
